A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this guy about 18 months ago. We met at work, he asked me out and was very keen for us to become serious. During the first six months he broke up with me twice, both times he asked me to get back together with him about three weeks later.Then things were OK for about six months after, but just before Christmas he broke up with me again.His reasons are that he was in a very long relationship before me (16 years) and she left him for someone else so he doesn't want to be hurt again. He also thinks he may need some time on his own before deciding whether to settle down again.Two months ago he asked me to meet him and said he wanted us to try again and that he loved me, he had tried dating other people and all he could think about was me.Then two weeks later he had another panic and said he wasn't ready. I said we could take things slowly.Since then we have been meeting up every couple of weeks or so. He says he is scared of making a commitment, but then he calls me to meet up and buys me little presents.I suppose my question is should I tell him he needs to decide whether he wants me or not? Or should I let him have more time. I love him so much and am pretty sure he feels the same, but is very frustrating and I dont want to end up 12 months on and still waiting.Thanks for helping.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, christmas, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hls3  +, writes (26 April 2011):
I think if you love him then let him go. If he really does love you then he will decide that he ultimately wants to be with you. I wouldn't make it easy for him to keep coming back to you though. He needs to realize that he can't keep playing you like a boomerang. When he breaks up with you, instead of waiting around for him to come back, get out there and play the field a little bit. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Meet some new guys and have some fun. In the process, he may either A-get really jealous and decide it's not okay with him for you to be seeing other people and realize that what he is doing to you is hurtful, or B-you are having so much fun meeting all these new exciting men that you find one you really connect with and who KNOWS what he wants...you! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): It sounds like he is giving you much more cause to be insecure than vice versa, so his excuse that his last relationship ended in his ex leaving for someone else is not something he should use on you. He has "left" you many times and even dated others in the meantime. He sounds very unstable, and needs to work on himself instead of coming and going in other people's lives as he pleases.
On another note, whatever triggers him to break up with you each time may be specific to his relationship with you, so try having an honest talk about whatever those issues may be.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 You've known him for 18 months. He certainly seems to like you, but, based on his experience of being left after a 16 year relationship he is clearly gun shy.
It MIGHT be that he will decide, in time, to make a definite commitment to you. However, how much time do you want to give him? You can't go on like this forever, but its up to you if you want to give it another three, six months. I suppose he knows how you feel, and you have talked about it with him?
One thing is certain: ultimatums don't usually work......
Good luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 April 2011):
 What do YOU want? There comes a point where you have to decide if what you're doing is best for you. There's being accomodating to the people we love, and then there's getting walked all over by them. I don't think it's out of line for him to decide here. His issues may be too deep for him to handle. Has he sought help for his issues?
...............................
|
