A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my long term boyfriend a few months ago. At the time, to me it seemed like the only thing to do. This was because he seemed increasingly disinterested and distant with me. I think it was because I made myself too available to him. I believe I was depressed at the time and wasn't sure where i wanted to go with my life. My self esteem was low, so I focused too much on our relationship to be the source of my happiness, which must have pushed him away. He said once that he thought I was just looking for things to get pissed off about. I think in a way I did.Also, I believe my lack of ability to communicate well with him when I was unhappy about something was a major problem. I was scared to voice my feelings and so I would wait and wait until it was a big ball of resentment and anger, and then I would try to talk to him about it, but it would just come out as a big accusation of him not treating me right. I know now, when he did something that upset me, I should have just told him off right there and then, in a light, jokey, but honest way, rather than let the resentment build up.The problem is now I know this, I can't help but feel regret that I messed up a good relationship with someone I still love. It's like in a crowd of people, he is still the only person I am drawn to. He had told me he wanted to be friends, which is a nice sentiment, but at the time I was still angry and blaming him for "letting me down". Now I see that I was in the wrong to place so much blame on him, when he is only human and I should have been more understanding. Recently I did something childish and unfriended him from a social network site, because of my anger and blame over the past and something he did recently that sparked those feelings in me again, and also because I didn't want to have to keep being reminded of him with all the status updates. I am finding it hard to get over him. So i saw him out 2 days ago and he was clearly very angry with me. He ignored me and basically pulled his friend who was taking to me away. So I sent him a little email saying that I realize what i did was childish, but that I meant no harm by it, that I am just trying to move on. The thing is, I am still clearly hung up on him. I think he may still have feelings for me, because recently he told me a spiel of his future plans which were the things I'd told him I wanted to do and expressed remorse for some of the things he knew had hurt me, like not doing things together, he said he just needed more of a push to do things. So I took that as an acknowledgement of the things that let to our break up.Basically, I know I am stuck in my life now because of this. I need to move forward somehow, with or without him. I don't know whether to try to talk to him honestly about how I have felt since the break up, whether that will do more damage now. I ultimately don't want to lose him from my life entirely, he means such a lot to me. But I can't keep going over the past, thinking about him and hoping we'll somehow get back together, because then I can't move on with my life. Should I try to speak to him and let him know I'm sorry for my part in the break up, which I never truly did. Or do I just continue with the decision to cut him out of my life and move on, and hope our paths cross again, once I am out of the woods of emotion? Every time I see him again, it sends me back to square one :/
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broke up, depressed, get back together, move on, my ex, self esteem, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (15 June 2012):
You've done your part with an apology, Just give him a little time like three to four weeks, he knows now that you still love and want him back so he gonna play a little hard and make you suffer a little. I bet he has read your e-mail 50 times.
If he doesn't come back to you then you will have to move on, you are still young so there's plenty more fish in the sea, he's not the only man left on this earth, sometimes things happen for a reason and for the best so maybe there's something better in the store for you.
Wish You All Luck!!!!!!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sent him another email, saying, I regret that it ended the way it did and I am sorry for my actions, and agreed that these things do happen. I also said that I had been unhappy in myself and unsure of what I wanted from life and felt I needed to be alone to sort my head out. But that I would like to keep in touch and offered to lend him a game he had asked about. I did that after a week from his last email, so that I could be calm and clarify my feelings and not send him an email I'd regret. That was a week ago and he hasn't replied. I have a feeling he has shut down on me. Maybe it was appolgising for the break up that did it. I am over analysing the relationship. I feel constantly drained when I think about it. When I think about letting him go and moving on to look for someone else I feel calmer. But when memories creep in I am overcome with waves of emotion, regret, sadness and despair. I fear I will never find a love like that again. :( I know logically that in the past I have loved guys, not as much, but at that time those guys were the love of my life. Yet I got over them and found better relationships, like my last one. So I know it is possible that in time I will get over him and hopefully meet someone even better and I will be a better person for it and able to make the next relationship work. But at the same time, I still feel great regret that i've lost someone who I truely loved. I've never known anyone with such a beautiful soul and who looked after me and who i could talk to about anything. I have never been so attracted to anyone as much either. I just regret that I misunderstood him and that we couldn't talk about our problems in a way that led to a resolution. I was not happy with the way he seemed to neglect our relationship but maybe my doubting him and resentment pushed him away? I can't change the past. I just hope that he will forgive me and that we can keep in touch and be friends. Only time will tell. Fingers crossed. I pray he will remain a part of my life. I wish him all the joy in the world.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (4 June 2012):
You have nothing to worry about sweetie, you've already gotten your man back and don't realize it, honesty is the best policy. He miss you just as much as you miss him. You thought he didn't want to talk to you.... and he thought you didn't want to talk to him.
I would send him an email letting him know what's on my mind... then I would wait for his respond....he'll probably take a couple of days to respond. You two were in a long term relationship and most of the times long term relationships doesn't end just like that.....Give him a little time he's be back....
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAah I sent him a little message appologizing and explaining a little and he responded saying he just thought I didn't want to talk to him that's why he didn't. He also said it was a shame things turned out how they did, but these things happen and he would definately like to keep in touch. Do you think this bodes well for possible reconciliation? I am writing a longer email. I hope he will understand where I'm coming from. I guess it will totally depend on how he feels about me and what he wants. All I can do be be honest from my end... If I don't talk to him, I will always have to carry these unresolved feelings with me. I don't think I can fully move on unless I do something to try work it out. If he doesn't feel the same, at least I will know for sure.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (3 June 2012):
I could be wrong but I believe your boyfriend or ex I may say would be very proud hearing you tell him that you have found yourself, at least you admit that you were part of the breakup, that is how we fix ourselves when we admit to our wrong doing. Reading your post made me take a look at myself. I say go for it, no I wouldn't cut him out of my life just yet because you were the one trying to blame him for everything. I would send him a long sweet text or email.You heard the old saying, You don't miss your water until your well run dry? Your well had to run dry in order for you to get to this point to relize it was you also ruining your relationship.Go for it babygirl and get your man back!!!! let him know this breakup has giving you a new way of looking at life and a new attitude!!!!! I really really believe this will get you two back together, if you don't get back together, now you know how to treat the next guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): this is EXACTLY what just happened to me. I broke up with my boyfriend because i was in a rough place in my life and depressed and have trouble communicating and even committing. after a month or so i really started regretting it, but eventually i just sort of tried to explain what happened and now we are back together and even happier than before. the worst thing that can happen is he shuts you down, but that is much better than always wondering "what it?"
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Talking to him sounds like a good idea. But just to tell you from among the thousands I have read here on DC, most of the time, break-ups can't be revived. It is true, your ex is an ex for a reason. The good thing about talking to him is atleast you could explain yourself and express how you really feel, but will you be ok if the result to this is not what you'd expect or hoped for? I have been there before, I really understand how you feel.Believe me, things may seem like hell now but the only way to get over it is go through the process. You can't reach the edge of the bridge if you don't cross it. Remember that everyone goes through a heartbreak at one point in their lives, you will survive it like most of us. I thought it was the end of the world for me before..but see now, I could only laugh and regret..why oh why did i still waste my time talking to him, writing to him....entered into a FWB relationship with my ex. If I only knew that I would only extend my agony by doing those things, I would've right away followed the no contact rule. I did in the end and I am in a relationship now with a much better person.Be strong!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Personally I would talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and take the responsibility. You could also tell him you would like to try and work it out with him.
IF he agrees great.
IF he says NO, then for yourself you need to go NO CONTACT and cut him totally out of your life and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): You would be better off accepting your relationship wont work. If you got back together it is likely the same problems will start again.
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