A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months and I've just found out that when he went to south africa in november for a month he kissed some girl who was friends with the family he was living with. I found out because he asked me to print something off his emails and I found loads of emails from her. When I confronted him he told me that he had kissed her but it was only once on a drunken night out. On the emails though he had lied to her and told her he was single and even said he didn't have facebook so she wouldn't find out about me. Since then she has contacted me through facebook and has said that it was more than once and that she believed they had a connection. I don't know what to do - I'm meant to be moving to coventry next month, while he will be in Liverpool. Will I be able to trust him again? Should I stay with him and try and work it out or just split from him and try and move on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): I was cheated on a few years ago when my boyfriend kissed another girl in a club and I broke up with my boyfriend straight away but regretted it for a long time afterwards. You've been with him for a long time and if this is the first major issue that has arisen in that time then maybe you should think carefully before you give your relationship up. Have you talked to your boyfriend about what the girl told you? Maybe this 'connection' she felt was one way? I'm not making excuses for your boyfriend by any means but I am not sure a few kisses is a reason to just give things up. Are you certain that things never went further than kisses? I think that if they didn't then it's likely your boyfriend just liked having another girls attention whilst he was away which I am not saying is ok but just that I can understand it. If you do decide to break up with your boyfriend then sever all contact with him as I believe that is the only way to get over someone. But if you think you can forgive him then give him another chance but make-sure you put this well and truly behind you and decide to trust him again or you will drive yourself crazy. If you stay together though then you need to make it clear that you are giving him a second chance because you don't want to give up your relationship so easily but if it happens again then you are gone. Hope things work out for you!
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 I always end the relationship, no matter the reason.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 I fully agree with CaringGuy here. You're already moving, and it's time for a whole new start.
You're right. His actions aren't of a guy who stupidly lost control and kissed another girl. He's been lying to her and carefully hiding her from you while MAINTAINING the connection.
I'm thinking that he's already moved on since you're moving away. Best you do the same, and liars and cheaters aren't allowed in your life again.
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A
female
reader, Juicy Lu +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I personally think you should call it a day,once a cheat always a cheat an even lying about things aswell,move away an start a fresh because there will never be any trust now an you will just end up miserable hun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Sorry dear, but you'll never be able to fix this from far away. You only went on vacation for a month and he cheated. YOu can imagine what he'd do when you movemaway. Most importantly he lied about cheating. If you hadn't checked his emails and found out, it could go on forever and you'd never know. You moving away only makes it easier for him to cheat. After all you're far away and she's right by his side. Start fresh in a new city. Leave this liar for someone/something better. Soon you'll find an honest, loving man who is right by your side.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 May 2012):
To be honest, when I saw that you were moving away, I thought your best option was to end it. He lied to you, he lied to her, she's been in contact and might be lying or telling the truth.
It just sounds like a mess to me, and if I were you I'd make a clean break elsewhere. You're not going to be able to fix this from far away, and knowing that he's there and she might be there whilst you're miles away elsewhere will just hurt you more.
You're moving to a new city, a new life, and a new start. Might as well get rid of the cheat too.
Good luck.
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