A
male
age
36-40,
*althusX
writes:I've been in a relationship for about two weeks with a girl that I met online. We are compatible in a variety of ways, and we find each other attractive. However, even before we met in person, I realized that I don't want a relationship, and that I think I am emotionally unfit for one. I told her this, and she though was really mad at first, convinced me to still see her. Last night, she mentioned that she loves me, and that if I reject her I won't know what I'm throwing away, will regret it forever, and that her feelings won't change (which of course makes me feel guilty). Though we've fooled around, we haven't actually had sex, though we've come close. Anyway, I don't feel for her what she does for me, and am unsure if I ever will. She wants a relationship where I can do whatever I want as long as I pay attention to her as well. However to me, if someone loves me then the obligation exists to not get involved unless you can love them back. So here is the question: Do I hurt her now, call the whole thing off (as I have already tried to do), or do I just go with it, see what happens, and feel that I am taking advantage of her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): are you stupid???...HELL NO!!!!don't take advantage of her.If you don't want a relationship with her then let her go.cause the longer you wait the worse it will be for her to even take the break up.LET HER GO
A
male
reader, MalthusX +, writes (26 August 2009):
MalthusX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Guys and Gals,Thanks for your help. I think I did the right thing... kinda. I tried to prolong a decision, she pushed, and I told her that I didn't feel the same way. She is angry at me (understandably) and upset. But I think I did the right thing by her even if she probably sees me as just another jerk.Either way, helped me realize I'm not really ready for a relationship again at this point and I will cut out of the dating scene for a while.Anyway, just saying I appreciated your advice.Have a good week,MalthusX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009):
Here's the really funny part:
She is the one trying to manipulate you!
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A
male
reader, RobL  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Two weeks is not a long time. Consider someone you love spending the rest of their life with you, that's a huge amount of time, two weeks is seemingly insignificant in the scheme of things.
If you're not ready for a relationship just yet, you should o tell her this. Delaying it, and telling her months down the line will cause much more hurt and upset than it would if you did it now.
If you tell her you're not ready, and you'd just like to move things on slowly for now, and tell her there's no guarantee you'll end up in a relationship, she knows the risk of staying with you. But you never know, maybe if you take things slower, you two could have a wonderful relationship some time in the future.
Take things slow, communicate with each other, tell each other exactly how you feel and what you want, and you'll hopefully find that things will become clear, and you can make a decision from there.
Best of luck :)
Rob
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Be honest with her and let her know where you stand. Just because she feels one way and you do the other, doesn't mean your obligated to feel the same way or try to make her feel as if you do. Tell her honestly how you feel then it'll fall into place. Never know, she may be covering up how she feels as well. Best way to find out is to be honest, and never take advantage of someone. The last thing you need to be doing is crushing this girl. She did nothing but want to be with you, so crushing her would be absolutely wrong.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (24 August 2009):
 You've been in a relationship for 2 weeks with a person you met online and she says she loves you?
Sounds to me like you guys are moving way too fast!
slow down!
You have done the right thing by being honest with her and saying you dont want commitment now which is the right thing to do.
Although she seems to be forcing you to commit which is pretty desperate.
I think you need to follow your intuition on this one.
Its telling you to be honest and not use her.
Even though this truth may hurt her you need to explain to her that its better than you meeting someone else way down the future whilst with her and then ditching her.
Do the right thing now then you wont feel regret or
guilt later.
Good luck!
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