A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm 15 years old. I'll be 16 in a few weeks. I have this step brother who i'm madly in love with. And he feels the same way about me. We've both been liking eachother since we were 13 and we can't seem to stop. In the summer of 2007 my mother and his father got married. And my mother had a baby with his father in august of 2008. So now we both share a little brother. But we still love eachother. Because we were in love way before they had this baby. And me and my stepbrother try and see eachother as much as possible. We kiss a lot and stuff. In december my mother and step father found out about my step brother and I being together. My mother was very angry and she said I was never speaking to my step brother ever again. But i still speak to him. We still love eachother. and honesltly i love him more than anyone in this world. I've never felt this way. And once were 18, we both plan on leaving and being together without any worries. And i know that in the end i'm going to choose him and his love over what my family thinks. I'll pretty much be disowned for being with him, but that's a risk i'm willing to take...for love. What do you think? I really need advice. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): You may change your mind as eyeswideopen says .
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really want to thank everyone for the advice they've given me. It really is helping a lot. I honestly mean that. Everyday i'm constantly fighting this battle with myself....I try not to like my step brother. I try so hard....but i can't. And i don't know what to do with myself. I never thought i'd have to deal with anything like this. It's so hard. and it's frustrating. I know i'm young and all, but these feelings im having for my step brother are so strong and overwhelming. It's crazy. I think i'm going to feel this way about him forever and it's never going to stop. And if it doesn't stop, then i have no choice but to be with him. Of all people to like i have to love him. Part of me hates it, but at the same time, part of me loves it. I always think about the first time we kissed...and i think, "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time". Then after that i think, "but at the same time, i was in the right place at the right time". And whenever i kiss him it feels so nice. It feels different from kissing anyone else. I can only feel that certain way when i kiss him. I know that i'm probably a messed up and ignorant person, but I love him so much. I love him more than anyone else. Anyone who wants to give me more advice, feel free to do so. Thank you.
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female
reader, shelbyrayanne  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 I say go for it. if you really love him and he loves you nobody can hold you back from being together!!!!!!!
good luck! :)
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 You are probably very sure of what you want and how you feel at this moment in time, but I urge to you think this through very carefully. You are talking about ripping your family apart over this.
I know you will not want to hear it, but very few people go on to be with their first crush for their whole lives. If you took a straw poll of people on this site, very few would be with, or possibly even remember who they were dating when they were 15. We all have great "loves" when we are teenagers, and we think we will be in love and with these people for ever, but in reality, we grow up, we change and we want different things from life.
At the moment you are crushing on this boy - you have not experienced the grown up adult world of dating yet, so you have nothing to compare how you feel about him with.
What will you want in 5 years time? 10 years time? are you 100% sure you will still want him? Do you want your family at your wedding? Do you want them to know their grandchildren? Will you be able to live without their support and guidance?
At the moment, all you can see is the rosey glow of lust, and young love. You need to look at the reality of the situation in a grown up and mature way.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 August 2009):
 I think it sounds like you have very strong feelings about him. You also have lots of time to plan.
I think the best strategy would be to study really hard, get excellent grades and do the extracurricular work needed to get you both into a great college. Then you can both go to the same college, living away from home, and can date freely then. It also will give you a much better shot at fulfilling, well-paying careers so that you don't have to rely on your family when you're older!
If you simply run away together, well then, you can start to figure out how much money you'll need in order to survive without any help from the family. There's rent (generally first and last month are needed, and a security deposit) and you'll have to find a place that will consider renting to a pair of 18 year olds (not too many will, I'm afraid). Then there's utilities, like electricity for air conditioning and/or heat, phones (if you have an iPhone, the current plans are like $100/month), cars, insurance, cable TV. Then living expenses like food and clothing. Don't forget taxes and medical and dental insurance or payments. And you should be saving money for emergencies and also for retirement.
Here's a tool I found for you to look at.
http://www.mybudget360.com/the-perfect-46000-budget-learning-to-live-in-california-for-under-50000/
You can figure out what you'll need to live on, and then what kind of jobs are available for your skill sets. Generally, college graduates earn more than high school graduates, who in turn earn more than those who never completed high school.
"In 1999, average annual earnings ranged from $18,900 for high school dropouts to $25,900 for high school graduates, $45,400 for college graduates and $99,300 for the holders of professional degrees (medical doctors, dentists, veterinarians and lawyers)." [from the website http://usgovinfo.about.com/library/weekly/aa072602a.htm ]
So it sounds perfectly wonderful to be in love, but alas, love doesn't put food on the table, clothes on your body, gas in the car and heat in the house. You must plan for that, which maybe isn't as romantic, but it will serve you a lot better than merely dreaming about it. I think you're right to respect your parents and wait until you're of age before you make any major moves.
So you have 3 years to save up some money, get your grades up and plan plan plan!
Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Since you are not biological siblings, your feelings are normal. You only need to get past the aspect of being with a "family member".
You still have time between now and when you are 18. Things may cool off by then. If not, get some condoms and have a good time.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Relax and let's see how you feel about all this in three years, lots can happen in the meantime.
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Sounds like you've made your decision!
One thing I will say is PLEASE wait until you are older before you take any big actions because feelings can change unexpectedly.
Personally I don't think it's wrong. It's not incest because you're not related, you're the same age, you know each other really well...
One possible pitfall is that if you broke up under awkward circumstances it would be harder to avoid each other.
Wait until you're 18 and if you are both sure that you still feel the same then follow your heart.
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