A
male
age
36-40,
*eoloverboy23
writes:Hey everyone, I have another issue. You see, I have sent my girlfriend a keylogger and it was secretly installed on her pc. The thing is that I know she wouldn't be cheating on me, but I just needed to have evidence to verify that she was being honest with me. I really love her and I want to be with her, but my insecurities have overpowered me and made me send that keyloggeer. I mean it was very stupid of me in doing so, but I had to know the truth, and I did. She did indeed fell in love with someone else, but that was before she met me, and according to the keylogger report was still in love, but she asked a friend to take her place to be with that other guy. I never told her that I secretly installed a keylogger into her computer via email, but I want to do is give her that same keylogger so she can monitor me as well. That way, when we know what we're doing, we can check to see if we're doing what we said that we're doing. I really love her so much, but I'm scared that she'll leave me if I did told her about it. What do you think I should do? Should I uninstall my keylogger so that way I don't do that again, or should I tell her about this issue because I want her and I to faithfully trust each other. Give me suggestions on what I should do. Thanks guys!
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male
reader, Neoloverboy23 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Neoloverboy23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes. I'm in a long distance relationship with her(being that she is from the Philippines and I'm in California), and she and I were together for eight months now, almost close to a year LOL. You see, she's been a very nice girl, but the problem is that she has lots of friends, most were guys. I'm not saying that she's really cheating on me, but I'm just insecure about myself because she's very beautiful while my face looks handsome, my body is not and her friends are hotter than me. However, she says that she doesn't care about that and she loves me because I'm kind and patient with her, but sometimes when it comes to finances, I do get irritable, but I help her out with that. Although that's off topic, I feel that she wants me to trust her and I know I do trust her, but I let the past get to me because in the past I had relationships that were full of lies and I just hate to be lied to. Not only that, I was told by a good friend of mine to install a keylogger just in case if that happens again. But after realizing that I put in that keylogger, it made me feel bad that I did that. Luckily I uninstalled it, but I feel damage has been done. I blame myself because of that and I just wanted to set things right again.
A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Hi, can i just clarify something from your post? Just from reading it i got the impression its an LDR/online relationship, have i got that right? If thats the case then I think talking to her openly about your insecurities is even more important, as trust in these kinds of relationships is especially crucial.
Also if you feel like you are the kind of person who is naturally a little less able to trust, i would advise that you try to avoid these kinds of relationships, just to save yourself the worrying and heartache.. Obviously if you love this girl i wouldnt say you should discard her, but just keep it in mind - one of the most important things in a relationship is a sense of security, and you deserve to be able to get that out of a relationship.
Sorry if i've interpreted it all wrong and its not that way at all! In either case, just slowly work on building up your ability to trust - it wont happen overnight, but it'll be worth it if you work at it :) good luck!
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A
male
reader, Neoloverboy23 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Neoloverboy23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will do that. I just need to really calm down and relax because my intuition tells me that she's truthful and is not trying to take advantage of me and my kindness. I fully understand what you said CaringGuy. Thank you! :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 October 2009):
Good. Then spend a lot of time making her feel good about herself, because I imagine she's harly pleased about it all. Just trust her.
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A
male
reader, Neoloverboy23 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Neoloverboy23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCaringGuy, I fully agree with you and I have already uninstalled it. I don't want to cause a lot of damage to this relationship even further. Also, I have written her a letter of apology so she can understand that I wasn't trying to hurt her, I was only finding the truth. If I want the truth, I should ask her instead of spying on her. I also wrote to her about my insecurities so she can understand that I'm trying to learn how to relax and be confident with her.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 October 2009):
Yes uninstall it! And never do it again. If you're having trust issues this early on, you're in need of help to overcome those insecurities. What is it that you needed to do that in the first place? You can't just spy on people like that. Apart form anything else, if she ever finds out, apart from losing you, she could probably have you arrested for something. Uninstall it, then focus on your own trust issues. She's with you, after all.
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