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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i just turned 16 and my boyfriend is 19 almost 20. we have known eachother for almost a year now and have been dating for 5 months. things have been very bad between us lately tho, as i am still dealing with things from the recent past that he will not stand to hear about. we had a conversation about sex 3 days ago, and he told me that his first time was with another virgin and that it was amazing. i just started to cry bc i had been raped only 3 months previous to this conversation and had my virginity taken from me. he got very very confused and i ended up spilling my feelings to him. all he said was "i think i should take you home". and he did. i quickly got out of the car and ran into my house. no one was home so i was free to cry. about an hour later, he txtd me and said "does your mom know what happened to you?" and i said "no. youre the only one that knows and lets keep it that way." he said "you have to tell someone. either you will or i will". i got so upset and said "i will never ever ever speak to you again". he started to get very short with me and called me stupid and that if i wouldve told someone then He wouldve been in jail by now and that i prolly deserved it anyway bc he (my boyfriend) has heard that im a "tease" and a "slut"he said: "bad things happen to you bc you are f*cking stupid. you are obviously way too immature to be thinking about sex anyway. seriously, what did u think was going to happen when you went upstairs with him? did u think he was just going to let you get out of that room without getting what he wanted? open your f*cking eyes and close your legs. that should set you straight."all i said was "People like YOU are the reason i just kept my "stupid" mouth shut"i couldnt believe he said this. i feel as if he is blaming this on me. i feel disgusted with this relationship. he is begging for me to forgive him but idk if i can after what he has said. i just need some insight on this whole situation please. thank you anyone who took the time to read all of that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): I agree with the first answer. He was trying to handle it right but he definitely didn't. And his angry name-calling came out becuase he was hurt about what happened. He can't beat the shit out of the other guy on the spot but he can curse you out for what (little) you could have done differently.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 October 2009):
First of all, I'm sorry this happened to you.
As simply as I can put it, you boyfriend simply couldn't come to terms with what happened, completely misunderstood the whole situation then had a rant because he didn't know how else to handle what had happened.
In his mind, he offered help, and you refused it. So he had a rant because he didn't undetstand why you couldn't tell anyone. He suggested things, rather than offered to just listen and understand.
He had no right to say what he did, and I'm not really convinced you should take him back. Even if he had misunderstood, he called you a slut and stupid. You are not either, and mustn't think that at all.
If this is playing onyour mind, I do think it's important that you at least see someone about it, perhaps at a rape centre, where others will understand how you feel. Otherwise, this could come back later on in life and casue huge difficulties. Give yourself a lot of love and care, and don't take him back at the moment. Focus on yourself. All the best.
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