A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months.During month 6 he proposed to me the issue I am having is with sex I want enjoy having sex with him but I crave it so much I feel overwhelmed. We don't have sex often because I really want to save most of it for marriage. My battle is between my spirituality and sexuality I don't know if I should relax or just stop having sex all together. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 Honestly if you have had sex once then why does it matter about saving it? That makes no sense to me. If it was your spirituality that you where worried about then you would not have had sex at all and saved it until marriage. Therefore speak to your partner and decide what is more important to you. Also I personally think you have both jumped in to being engaged far to quick. Slow things down and get to know each other.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 I was puzzled too reading your post.
What does it even mean, " I want to save *most* of sex for marriage ? Sex is not a pie, that you can have a slice today but save most for Sunday dinner.. Either your spiritual values allow premarital sex, or they don't.
I have never heard of any religion / moral code that suggest that sex is ok, as long as you just taste it a little bit, but keep the bulk for later !
Unless what you mean is along these lines :
you practice a religion which forbids you to have premarital sex, but you broke the rule , or committed the sin, or whatever this behaviour is called in your culture, and you wonder if it's even worth it, going back to a " good behaviour " now that you have sinned already.
Absolutely. In fact, you have no other choice- at least if you DO believe in the religious / spiritual / moral principles that you say you practice.
You fall down- and then you get up again. You lose your way- and then you find it back. You make a mistake- and you correct it ar once .
If your spiritual values prescribe sexual abstinence, the right and only choice is to abstain *from now on*- no matter what's happened in the past.
On the other hand, if you have outgrown those beliefs, if you don't feel them as your own anymore, if you are having doubts and misgivings about their validity- then you may consciously decide to discard them, and live freely and proudly your sex life .
Either one- but what's the point of trying to bet your hedges , or staying on your God's good side, by having " just a little sex " ? You are going to fool neither God nor, even worse, yourself.
Own your actions. Choose what you believe in, and act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2017): But you have already had sex.
Does it even matter now?
Saving sex for marriage means having remained a virgin.
You gave your boyfriend a taste of the forbidden fruit.
And now you are depriving him of it.
Do you see his side?
It is only 9 months in. Just be prepared for him to walk away if he is not on board with your spiritual beliefs.
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (23 February 2017):
If you truly believe you will marry this man, then that should really go hand in hand with your spiritual beliefs.
If you may not marry him, you've already let it go and there is no use in feeling guilty or holding back.
Sex can be just pleasure, or complete love and the truest form of intimacy between people. It is your choice how you do it!!!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 February 2017):
 Proposing after 6 months is a red flag - it's too soon. You're still new to each other.
Also, you can't save "most of sex" for marriage - you've blown that by having sex now. There's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, but you must use condoms every time and birth control every day because you're not ready for a baby.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 February 2017):
 Sex isn't something that you can only have so many times in the lifetime of a relationship so I really don't understand the comment about saving most of it for marriage. Given good communication and physical compatibility, you can keep improving your sex life so that, when the initial novelty has worn off (which it invariably does with the same person), you will both have developed good skills to keep your sex life exciting and fulfilling for both of you.
If you have sex more often, you will not be "overwhelmed" by craving for it.
My only note of caution would be to use effective contraception. Nothing puts a dampener on your sex life like an unexpected unwanted pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2017): You're engaged. That leaves the floor open to any discussion on your personal code, especially when it involves preferences that may impact your union later on. There is beauty in vulnerability. Embrace it. :) Best wishes.
M
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