A
male
age
30-35,
*is_2017
writes:Hi,I have been together with my fiance for about 8 months now. Unfortunately, she has major trust issues and she fuels it by giving me no space to breathe. she expects me to tell her everything in detail. ie if I get a message from a friend(male not female) she wants an explanation. she then adds in her imagination to the mix and starts to accuse me of all sorts.Constant accusing, no privacy whatsoever. access to my emails, facebook and she even audits my browsing history.she is a lovely girl, but because of the above, it makes it very difficult for me and I end up feeling horrible.for the last 2 weeks, i have told her that I want to leave but she argues that I know how she is and her reason for her being that way. the reason being a rough childhood. I honestly don't know what to do. we live together and work together.HELP
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 October 2018):
 Well done, you. Sending hugs and wishing you all the very best. Stay strong.
A
male
reader, mis_2017 +, writes (9 October 2018):
mis_2017 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone. Thank you so much for the love and support you've shown through this. We'll I've been single since then and my health and general feel of life has improved ten fold. I spend more time with family and yeah good. Ive been back on the market and it's tough and frustrating at times but taking things one chat at a time ha ha. Much love from SA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 It may be one off the hardest things you ever do leaving her, but she can not excuse the way she is treating you. She may have had a bad childhood but we all have troubles, yes some worse than others, but she cannot take them out on you. What she is doing is emotional black mail.
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A
female
reader, Phoenix79  +, writes (28 February 2017):
I'm glad you removed yourself from that abusive situation!! :) That's exactly what was going on- emotional abuse that very well could have turned physically abusive in time. Please go no-contact with her. Do not allow the remote possibility of her emotionally blackmailing you in order to weasel her way back in. She has pulled the emotional blackmail route every time she tried to invoke your sympathy when she used her childhood as justification for her abuse. I had a childhood that included emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse as well. Not one of my exes would tell you that I was abusive on any occasion. Plenty of people who were abused as children are able to maintain healthy relationships. Stay true to yourself and congratulations!! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): I'm glad you found the strength to leave.
However I'm concerned that when she inevitably tries to lure you back with crocodile tears and false promises that she'll change, you'll fall right back into the same trap.
Just remember everything she says and does is for HER benefit, and she will always be trying to con and manipulate you to get what SHE wants.
Stay strong, and she'll eventually get the message that you're wise to her and she'll finally leave you in peace and start searching for the next sucker she can play for a sap.
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A
male
reader, mis_2017 +, writes (24 February 2017):
mis_2017 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi All,
so here is were we are at. yesterday there was a massive fall out and she proved again that she has not managed any of the issues, so i picked myself up and left her. I feel lost and sad, i am an emotional guy sadly. but it is for the best. i just need to go through this period and my focus is going to be on work for now. thank you for the advice.
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A
male
reader, mis_2017 +, writes (23 February 2017):
mis_2017 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the responses, and you are clearly right. its very erratic behaviour. i'm giving it a little bit of time before i make my decision. thank you
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (23 February 2017):
You need to leave this woman now. You cannot fix this type of controlling behavior and it will only escalate. Leave now and do not look back. It may be difficult but the short term pain you experience now beats a lifetime of misery.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2017): I'm not totally sure what it is you are asking here? Permission to not feel bad about leaving her and ending the relationship and for everyone to confirm she's utterly controlling and her behaviour is beyond unacceptable? Permission granted if that is the case
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 February 2017):
Can you imagine yourself in this relationship next year, or 5 or 10 years down the line, still putting up with this controlling behaviour? Would you be happy? I doubt it, otherwise you would not have already made the decision to leave. All you have to do now is stand by your decision and carry it through.
Your girlfriend's explanation of her behaviour is not an excuse. Neither is it a reason for you to stay in what is, for you, an unhappy relationship. Given that you have obviously told her you are not happy and why, she should be looking for professional help to stop this behaviour, rather than maintaining you should live an unhappy life because she had an unhappy childhood. She is probably not happy either, and won't be until she comes to terms with her past.
The fact that you live and work together will make the breakup harder. One of you will have to most out of the shared accommodation, and seeing each other at work will not be easy. Perhaps one of you could change jobs, or change shifts if that is possible?
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