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female
age
51-59,
*ndi
writes: I have been married for 18 years and we have 3 teenagers. I have only been "content" in my marriage, not really happy. I have been friends with a another man for about 7 years. He was in a bad marriage and is now going through a divorce. Seven months ago our friendship went to another level. We are both now madly in love with one another. I separated from my husband for a month, but returned due to the stress that it was causing my children. Now, my "friend" will not speak to me, because I am back with my husband. I want to be with this man, but I don't want to hurt my family. Should I still remain in a marriage that I am in, just for the satisfaction of my family? Or should I be with the man in which I love, and deal with the concequences? I've never been selfish, and I've always done what makes others happy rather than myself. My husband knows that I am not "in love" with him anymore, but that I love him like he is part of my family. He doesn't know that I am in love with another. He says that "in time" I will learn to love him again. What should I do? Everytime he touches me, I feel the pain and loss of being with the man in which I am "in love" with. Needing some advice, Andi
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male
reader, DocSilverback  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 You know, back in the old days, you would have been stoned to D. People like you are the reason why marriages do not last. Sorry, but you will not get pity from me. Your poor husband and kids didn't even have a shot to defend their own family! They didn't know that they even had to. Don't make them pay for what you did. Own up to what you did. You lay with dogs and you will get fleas.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 What did you do to try and raise your interest in your marriage. I'd bet as soon as you started being interested in the other guy, you did nothing. THAT is where you made your BIG mistake. Instead of nurturing your marriage, you nurtured a fling. Of course his marriage went down the tubes too. How can a marriage survive if one of the partners is chasing someone else around? Here's a very important question. How on earth was your husband ever supposed to defend and strenghten his marriage when you, the other half of the partnership was conspiring with the enemy. He never had a chance because you weren't really interested. How can he compete in a race he didn't know he was even in?
You've already hurt the family. Now you have to be honest and hurt them again. Let them move on. You should move out of the house and live an hinest life as opposed to hiding in the shadows. This would have been a good question to ask about 8 months ago before you crossed the line with both feet.
Realizing there is a problem makes you wise. That doesn't make you bad for feeling that way. Dealing with it the way you did was not good. You crossed the line from beingunfulfilled to a liar and a cheater. Only you can stop that. Now, the cards will fall as they may.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 Just a thought, but do you think your friendship with this other guy might have had anything to do with your feelings changing for your husband? Surely it couldn't have always been so crappy with your husband, why else would you have married him? There are children involved in your situation and I think your 'friend' seems a little selfish to not understand your reasons for going back to your husband
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (6 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Hi Andi. I might get hammered on this one. But, what the hey. I cannot help but feel sad for your husband and children. I feel he (at least, depending on the ages of your children) deserves to know the biggest reason in which you want out. I cringed when you stated, "just for the satisfaction of my family?" I hope that was a typing error. Because it sounded a bit on the conceited side. It breaks down to "Just my family?" No one should ever stay in a relationship to please others. They should stay because their heart is in it. I feel if your heart is into something, there is also room for repair. It is totally unfair to your husband. He deserves the same love that you apparently feel too. Don't you think? Everyone wants to feel loved. Yes, I feel that you are being selfish in your actions. You are not being truthful as to how you feel inside. I know it would hurt them but are you trying not to hurt them or trying just to save face? No one wants to be the bad guy in a relationship. I feel that as long as you KNOW there is no hope for you falling in love with your husband again, tell him the truth. That probably would make him retract his statment concerning learning to love him again and maybe he would make this transition a bit easier for you. Or is that not what you want? Good luck to you and your family. I'm sure in the fact that you will take everyone's best interest at heart.
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