A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma: I think my girlfriend has love addiction. I have been dating this woman for over a year now. She is 44 and I am 47. I have discovered that she has been in lots and lots of relationships before we met, some lasting a few days to a few years. I have discovered that she usually lines up a relationship before ending another so she is never without a relationship. She has really been wanting to get married to me but I have been hesitant because I dont know if I can trust her. A few months ago she told me that she had lunch with her ex boyfriend because she misses his friendship. I kind of raised an eyebrow as she never asked if it was ok with me. My instinct told me that she wants to have a relationship with him as things are getting strained between us. I also learned that she has discovered that her ex is actually in love with someone else, so she started getting close to another mail friend of hers. Last week she needed to go out of town to a conference and needed a baby sitter so she took this male friend of hers out of town so he could babysit. He stayed in the same room with them. Again she never asked if this was ok with me.I need your opinion as to whether I should leave the relationship now or will she be more considerate of my feelings when we are married together.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Janniepeg, I think you may be right. Her ex boyfriend was at first her friend for several years then she started having a relationship with him right after another relationship that lasted a month. She admittedly never loved him and just used him. When we fist met she was infatuated with me and in a matter of months she was no longer that much into me. I think she does like the thrill of a new relationship and uses people.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): All your replies are valuable to me and I appreciate you taking time reading my posting and your comments.
FloridaCatGirl, I tried to make my question as short as possible. There is more to it than appears. For example this male "friend" has always been interested in her (I can tell as guy). If I can tell, she can tell also. Also for some reason this "friend" has been lead to believe that she is not a couple with me anymore, which makes me think that she is stringing this guy along until our relationship comes to an end. Although I don't like to doubt people but that is the way it looks to me especially when this is a pattern in her life. I know for a fact that she is not physically attracted to him, but I also know that she has in the past gotten into serious relationships with men that she was not attracted to and did not even love them. In a way it is not so much "love" that she is after rather responding to men who express love to her.
I will do what I have to do even though I care about her and am emotionally invested in this relationship. I do need the opinion of people who are removed from this situation and can see more clearly and to tell me what I need to do.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 What you described is not love addiction. Love addiction is more like buying flowers/chocolate, writing love poems, reading romantic novels, calling 40 times a day, etc. She is more passive aggressive, manipulative and "user" friendly. The reason this male friend is willing to babysit out of town is because he is anticipating something. With the kids in the room it's hard but he can still fantasize about it or do it when the kids are asleep. This has nothing to do with love. She uses men's need for sex or intimacy to make her day more convenient. She is also doing this to trigger a reaction from you, as if, "if you don't do x y z for me, then I have other guys to do that for me. Marry me now so you won't see me doing this again." No matter why this relationship is strained. I won't be inspired to marry this woman at all. She is too unstable.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (20 November 2010):
 You are wise to be concerned about this woman. Reading your post… red flags were popping up all over the place! From my experience… if you have a gut-feeling about something… your instincts are usually right.
Given her history, I agree that she likely suffers from love addiction. Some people with this addiction also crave the excitement of a new love. Do you think that is part of her problem? Regardless… she needs professional counseling to deal with this issue.
Why on earth is your girlfriend setting up lunch dates with her ex-boyfriend without your knowledge? Do you think she would approve of you and your ex meeting up behind her back? That by itself is troubling… but what really shocks me is that she took another man with her on a business trip! Yes, I understand that she needed a babysitter, but she easily could have invited a female. This is UNACCEPTABLE.
Marriage is not a bandaid and will not improve the way she treats you. In fact… the opposite is usually the case. Good marriages are brought about by mutual work and open communication. This woman is definitely not marriage material.
Not only does this woman appear to suffer from love addiction… she is deceitful, selfish, and possesses zero regard for your feelings. For the sake of your own happiness… you need to get out of this relationship pronto! RUN…don’t walk… and don’t look back! Deal with the breakup process now… so you can move on and find a much better woman to enjoy the rest of your life with. You know what you need to do… otherwise, you never would have posted this question on here.
Stay strong, and don’t let her talk you out of breaking up with her. Please let us know what happens. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 talk to her about whatever is putting a strain on your relationship and talk about how you feel. I'd say to put it mildly, incase she gets upset or something. If you really want to marry her then you owe it to yourself to try to sort out what is bothering you, because either she can't take what you have to say and you don't waste more time with her, or you can both reassure each other that you are both in it for the long run and be completely open and honest about everything.
Good Luck
xx
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A
female
reader, UNCAPABLE ME +, writes (20 November 2010):
 Im only 21 and I've learned that in a relationship if u don't have trust u don't have nothing and from what I read I don't trust her. She doesn't have respect for especially if goin out on lunch dates and takin them out on business trips.U HAVE TO GIVE TO RECEIVE AND IF U MARRY HER ALL SHE'S EVER GOIN TO DO IS TAKE TAKE TAKE FROM.YPU ARE A GOOD KIND HEARTED MANN FROM WHAT I CAN SEE AND U DESERVE A GOOD WOMAN
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