A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm reposting since i didn't get any good advice!About two weeks ago i broke up with my girlfriend over some pretty hurtful things I saw on her phone (yes I looked through her phone). The month before she had told me she didn't know if she wanted the same life as I wanted and that she wasn't sure if she could give me any "gurantees".. We spoke about the issues and she said that we should go to counseling.. we never actually made it there b/c of the holidays , ect..I held a lot of resentment b/c of our conversation about her not being able to give me any "gurantees" in life..I held on b/c she said she loved me and wanted this to work..I had been feeling distant from her, I saw that she was texting a lot, she was acting a little strange, so I made the mistake of looking at her phone..there were some texts between her and a friend basically saying "if i didn't have a b/f up my ass, I'd be out every night of the week" and "o great, he is coming over tonight"..i was deeply hurt..i was putting my all in to try and make t his work, get through our problems and make an effort to see her more.. I know the texts seemed innocent, but most of our fighting had been centered around her being out with friends a lot more than she was with me..I felt like she was telling me she wanted to work on things, yet saying the complete opposite behind my back..it hurt like hell..i reacted with anger and "how could you speak like that about me behind my back"..she got defensive and the argument escalted into me cursing at her and storming out.The fustration over the past month's conversations had just totally boiled over.. i'm not proud of getting angry or cursing, but I just couldn't control myself.. It has been two weeks since I last spoke to her.. we didn't call each other for christmas or new years.. I am feeling bad about the way things ended and I wanted to send her a letter explaining things... I have been struggling with myself as to if I should do this or not.. she never made an attempt to apologize to me, explain herself, nothing.. I'm not too sure if I should "apologize first" for looking at the texts or just let this go.. I do have strong feelings for her, but my yelling and her lack of explanation and not contacting me has really made me think twice about saying anything at all.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Yes bro, I just went through the same shit, with my lying, cheating, worthless, ex, she would have just rather had the safety and security of having me around, while she found her next cock, I too had to physically get in and do some dirty work to discover this, as my gut is always more honest then any girl ive ever met, and once again my gut was right, I seeked help on this board, thought I was all knowing, and the people on here didnt know what they were talking about, because it wasnt the answers I wanted to hear, and guess what?? BAM!!!! im still trying to super glue my heart back together, bro, DTB!!! Dump That Bitch!! and do it now, and do it quick, or as god as my witness, you are going to find out just exactly like I did, and you will be back on hear posting messages to the aunts and uncles that told you, telling them you should have listened!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): Let it go, move on, if you feel a letter will give you closure then do, but it's not going to fix anything because she didn't want to be with you anymore and it seems like she's felt that for a while.
If you really want closure though talk to her instead, you could send that letter and get no reply, then where will you be? You'll have said your piece and gotten no reply, no closure so you'll be just as in the dark as you are now.
Besides sending a letter is kind of strange, I personally would find it cowardly and insulting that the person didn't have the balls to meet face to face to discuss things. It's a very one sided thing too, "I'm gonna have my say" kind of thing.
Plus a letter is something she can hold in her hand and show all her friends and they can pick it apart bit by bit.
Screw a letter, go meet her and talk things out.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
Let her go, and don't contact her. It's over and writing a letter will achieve nothing.
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A
female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 I have to agree with Emilyanswers, writing a letter will if anything just cause you more pain, if she would text that kind of stuff about you, what is she going to do with a letter from you saying you're sorry? Probably have a good laugh with her friends.It sounds like you were putting in more than you were getting and are probably better off without her.My advice is accept it's over and try and move on.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 January 2010):
All your letter will say is "I'm sorry for looking at your texts.... But you did X, Y, and Z. As well as A, B and C."
I defy you to write a letter that isn't mostly saying "I want you to apologise."
She is in the wrong and I know you want her to come and say sorry so you can be civil again and have no bad feelings but it's just not going to happen.
She decided she wasn't happy in the relationship a while ago from the sounds of it, and "tried to make it work" because she thought that was the right / nice thing to do. Clearly she didn't actually want to make it work though, so she ended up resenting you because she was stuck in a relationship she didn't want to be in.
If she'd have just been honest and said "I don't feel the same way, I don't want to be with you any more. Sorry and goodbye." Then yes you would have been hurt at the time, but it would have been a clean break.
As it is, things got messy and unfortunately, it's just not worth the time or effort to try and clean it up.
Accept the relationship died a slow painful death rather than being put down early as it should have been. Learn from it, and try and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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