A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In three more days my boyfriend and I are going to be together for one year, we have been living together for about 11 months now and I have a 2 1/2 year old child that is not his. When we first got together we were so happy but here lately there has been a lot of drama, we are both under a lot of stress due to work, bills and drama in the neighborhood. It seems like all we do is argue now and that our love for one another is fading away. I know we love each other very much. Should we celebrate this 1 year or should we call it quits? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): If you love each other very much what would be the point of calling it a day? It appears to be things outside your control which are causing the problems in the first place, and for whatever reason you're arguing about them. There's little point arguing about things you can do little about. Are you sure your love for each other is fading away? Surely it's worth giving this relationship your best shot?
It takes a very special man to take on the responsibility of bringing up another man's child, so if I were you I'd do all in my power to keep this family unit together. Do what you can to avoid the problems that cause the arguments - even to moving house if necessary or possible.
A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Without the particulars of what your are fighting about etc. its kind of hard to give good advice. but I will say that ALL relationships are going to hit rough patches and if you love this man like you say, I think you should try and work it out. Sit down and talk about it with him.
You moved in with him one month after you got together. Of course you were happy then, but now the honeymoon phase has worn off. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the work comes in. You can't shut down and give up when the going gets tough, you have to get tough too.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Personally I think the fact that you have ONLY been together for a year is a sign that they say the first year is the hardest - now whether you refer to marriage or living together I feel that this applies to both of these things.
Your child is 2 and a half and has obviously bonded pretty well with your bf, everyone has stresses due to work, lack of money or hates where they live.
The main thing is that you try and work things out in the first instance, I realise you are not very old and considering you already have a child of 2 and a half, I am guessing this came as quite a shock to you to realise you were pregnant at quite a young age in the first instance.
Try working things out by talking, if you can't afford some sort of counselling then consider having some US time for yourselves, a nice meal and just the two of you when little one is in bed, sit down and talk, ask each other what is going on for them, don't talk over that person whilst they talk give each other say 10 minutes each and the other one cannot talk but just purely listen to what the other one has to say. Then swap over.
This is something I learnt in couple counselling and it is amazing how we tend to react when someone is saying something about us, maybe it is something negative or a habit we don't want aired but we tend to go into defensive mode and forget that we are not actually listening to what that person is saying but talking over them instead, it is not always to do, but it is one of the cheapest and easiest things to do if you can master it.
You find out things that you have either forgotten about or you have dismissed.
Try working things out as a family and then see where you go from there, he probably hates the arguments as well but if you don't talk about them you can never resolve them.
If after all of that, things don't improve then and only then is the time to decide as a couple the best way forward, whether together or apart.
Don't make it a huge shock to your little one if you do decide to part. Make sure you keep family and friend's around you and your little one so that there is some level of continuity in his/her life. If your bf was to also want contact with your child, seriously consider it as they now have a bond. If he doesn't then face that aspect as well.
You could see some behaviour changes as well, so be aware that this could be also testing your limits as well as it is a sign that they want reassurance and love.
Wish you well and hope things do work out for you all.
Main thing though is to talk first and see where you go from there.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk as to where your relationship is going. You should be asking questions i.e. what are your intentions in this relationship or do you ever want to marry. If he can't respond or hesitates in his response I feel it is time for you to move on. You say you are both very much in love, but yet the relationship is deteriorating which means the love could be dying. All relationships take constant work to keep them alive. Again, a heart to heart talk without your child present should be first and foremost.
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