A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:He expected a thank you for getting a coca cola for my mother and asked me on the phone if my mother got the coke so I said yeah why? and he told me where was his thank you and I told him that when he asks for a thank you after he wants to do something it's a little overbearing and snobbish. You can't expect a thank you for everything you do in life. (I was raised to do things out of my own votality and don't expect a thank you after doing things I want for others. He, on the other hand, was raised with a family that always say your welcome with an attitude when you don't say thank u for something they do for you and sadly he does too). He told me he always expects a thank you from me because he did something for me and I told him that if he wants to have this attitude I don't want to ask anything from him again. (I feel that it has become overbearing and exhausting after hearing this almost on a daily basis and having the same conversation over and over again). Am I wrong? Should I rethink my opinion? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2023): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your answers. Although some were quite harsh. I'm not a person who doesn't know how to be polite and I use thank yous and please on my day to day although I didn't make it really clear in my question. I do suffer from a learning disorder and makes it sometimes difficult. To give you guys I little update. We had been fighting for a lot of things.It came to a point where we couldn't be in the same room without fighting. After all that we had two choices break up or rethink things and kind of start over. We knew we didn't wanna break up as we love each other way to much. So we kinda began anew. This month has been hard but we are doing better. I have been trying to not get angry at small things and be more affectionate and he tries to be more clean, calm and attentive. Thank you all again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2023): The please and thank you depends... my mother used to expect a please and thank you if she sent you a Christmas card. If you did not phone the same day it arrived and go on for an hour about it being the best card ever she would sulk and call you names and argue next time. She would expect you to say thank you again the day after for a week or so. It was never ending. All over a cheap card. So I got into the habit of saying no, I sent you one two, end of.
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reader, kenny  +, writes (8 February 2023):
 I know what you mean when you say you do things out of your own votality. I think in situations where you do an anonymous favour to help someone out your not expecting please and thank you's.
But I think if someone did a favour for me as described in your post then its just common courtesy to thank them for doing this for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2023): I think he only expected a "thanks" as a courtesy. It is polite to voluntarily offer your gratitude when someone does something nice for you; and sometimes you might need to be reminded of your manners, if you're not in the habit of remembering to offer it out of a reflex of gratitude.
It's not self-degrading to offer a thanks for even a small favor, it's politeness.
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (2 February 2023):
 I think he asked you for a THANK YOU in a teasing way but honeypie and youcannotbeserious are right...... why not say thank you for the coke....what's the big deal. if you don't want to feel indebted to anyone than you can not ask for help or accept help from anyone anymore and THEN you will see how overwhelmed and exhausted you feel...
Please and thank you will get you far in this world....:)
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 February 2023):
 So you would rather people didn't do anything for you than you had to say a simple polite "thank you" in return? Wow! Just wow! Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I was brought up to say "please" and "thank you" and it comes automatically. It also annoys me when others think they are too high and mighty to say either.
I often pick up incoming calls at work and, if someone phones wanting to sell us something and they don't say "please", guess what? They get nowhere. The person they want to speak to is unavailable. End of conversation. On the other hand, I will go out of my way to help the people who say "please" and are pleasant.
Your boyfriend is far too good for you. He should find himself someone who was brought up to have manners and consideration for others. You, on the other hand, need to return to the gutter from which you came or learn some manners before you are any older. You are one entitled madam.
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2023):
 Yes, I think you should rethink your opinion.
What does it cost you to say THANK YOU when someone does something for you? Absolutely nothing!
Being polite, and having some manners COST nothing. But it CAN (and will) GAIN you something from others. It might be a smile, it might be another favor or whatnot.
IT IS WHAT you do in a POLITE society.
Why so rude and entitled, OP?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2023): You are neither right nor wrong, it is up to you. One person will agree with you and another will not. Constantly thanking something - especially for something trivial like getting a drink for someone -is ridiculous in my view and acting like you are the queen or king and everyone has to be devoted and grateful to you as if you are very special. I've known people who are like this and nobody can change them, it is no good expecting that to happen. They want to feel superior and that is part of how they do it. You either put up with it or walk away from it.
p.s.I went out with a guy - years ago - he had a reputation for being mean. One day he took me to visit some children, as he dropped us off to go into their home he made a big issue of getting two boiled sweets out of the car panel and bringing them in. He knew there would be two children there. He went up to each child one by one and made a huge thing of presenting them with a boiled sweet as if they should be eternally grateful and remember this special moment for the rest of their lives. It was so arrogant, self serving and ridiculous I started rethinking about my relationship with him. A few months later we had christmas. He gave me no card or present and never mentioned it, then he complained that I had not bought him a present! This guy owned his own successful business, nice big house, I was struggling to pay my rent!
You see if someone is like that they are always like that.
They only think about themselves. They are not really givers. They only give because they want lots of attention and praise. They do it for themselves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2023): Yes, I think you should. Saying "thank you " when people do you any kind of favour or gives you any kind of help, requested or not , is simply common courtesy and it's something that for many people, if not most, is ingrained. It does not take such a big effort, it's just two short words .
I must say ,though, that I sort of understand where you are coming from , because your boyfriend sounds ,well, annoying with his holier-than-thou attitude and I am sure that he could have made his point in a gentler,more diplomatic way. But, as annoying as his, and his family's attitude ,may be - well, unluckily he is right, *not* thanking people even for small favours is quite rude, you can't wait for people,say, to extract you still alive from a building in flames to say "thank you ". Normally, you say also to the person who passes you the salt during dinner.
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