A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:3 days ago, my ex boyfriend texted me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch and catch up. I decided to ignore the text completely, but honestly it has been on my mind constantly ever since. I think the reason this is bothering me so much is because we had a horrible break up. He completely broke my heart (I know that sounds juvenile). He had been talking to another woman behind my back who lived in another town, and as soon as he broke up with me, he literally moved in with her and they became a couple. It took me many months to get over him. Although he's not a bad guy, he was very disrespectful and rude with me the few days leading up to our break up, and the break up itself. This is the reason I decided to shut him out of my life, I wasn't going to remain friends with someone who treated me like he had done. Anyways, I'm very curious to know why he texted me and what exactly he wanted to talk about. As far as I'm concerned, he is still living with that girlfriend (I've asked a couple of his friends and they said yes he was) so idk what he wants from me. I don't think it's an apology...that would be awkward as our break up was like 8 months ago. Should I contact him back? Do you think I would look like a fool responding to him? Or should I leave it go and just delete the number?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Oh and block his number if one text from him is sending you into an emotional tailspin. You’ll feel better knowing he can’t bother you that way any longer. :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 April 2016):
I would have simply texted back "no thanks" then got on with my day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2016):
 I don't really think there is anything he can say that will help you feel better about what he did to you.
And I don't REALLY think he wants to meet up for YOUR sake. He wants to soothe his conscience of what he did to you. He knows he was a total dickweed when he talking to another girl behind your back and then dumped you. He knows.
He doesn't LIKE knowing that he wasn't an all around great guy to you. So by asking you out to lunch he is trying to make himself look and feel better. If you show up, or start to text with him again, he thinks all is forgiven.
OR it can be, the new girl is NOT working out quite as well as he expected and he is hoping to garner your sympathies for him. If you feel sorry for him, maybe you will jump in bed with him or rub his "wittle" ego and give him attention.
Him reaching out, is all about him. Not you.
I wouldn't waste my time on this. I wouldn't waste ANY more time on him. Don't ask his friends what's up with him either. Just LEAVE him in the past.
Keep looking to the future, move forward.
YOU do NOT owe him to text him or call him or go to lunch. THAT is what people do with friends, relatives and partners, co-workers and he... is none of those.
BLOCK his number and then DELETE it. Don't let him waste any more of your time on his nonsense.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 He cheated on you, he was rude and disrespectful... and he's your EX.
I don't see why you should meet up with him... he probably is just looking for some ego stroking to make him feel good that you are still pining for him.
Time to block his number!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Being with another female at this point has gotten to his male sensitivities. Guilt has hit it's mark, knowing he was a total dick to you. On one hand, speaking as a male, he realizes that the reason he was being so harsh was to make you hurt enough to move on. On the other hand, he was hoping for a clean break; all the while thinking having a replacement ready would make him get over you that much faster. The remorse comes from his residual feelings for you; but don't confuse that with love. That's where people always get it twisted with their exes. "Maybe she/he's sorry and wants me back." Hell no!!! He can keep his apologies. They would make you feel even worse.
Emotionally, he has to keep you frozen in time in order for him to complete his own healing first. Yes, it hurt him too; but in a totally different way. He dumped you, not the other way around. His is a different sort of pain. He had a head-start in the breakup process. He had someone ready and waiting. He had time to think-over the process. To prepare his own feelings first.
Everyone goes through a period of second-guessing, regret, rumination, and sentiment. You were a nudge in the back of his mind. At all costs, you must maintain your "no contact" position; because eight months isn't really enough time.
You will become confused and start emotional cravings. You'll need to feel those old feelings again, and it will only bring you back to square one. Your detachment process is still in progress, you are still in repair, and you do not need him meddling with your healing and recovery process. You do not need anymore closure from him. You are regaining your strength through distance.
Men have a tendency to get a little jealous when they stop and think about the possibility of their former mates receiving pleasure from another source. It's an ego-trip.
He will test your sensibilities and wants to see if he can still spark emotional responses. No contact protects you from that. He will use those vocal tones he knows gets to you, he will suddenly seem changed and more sensitive to your feelings; but none of this will do you any good. Things are not likely going completely as planned on his end; and that has nothing to do with you. Remember that!
Keep your eyes forward. Do not look back. Do not contemplate a friendship with someone who thought being mean to you was the way to move on. He was a cheat, and he had no concerns about your feelings then; so why now? He's an ex for a reason. You've come this far; which wasn't easy to begin with. You had to go through an agonizing withdrawal. You ached from the tips of your hair down to your toenails. Been there and done that.
Leave exes in your past until you have recovered enough to deal with them without pain or confusion. No contact and ignoring all attempts to reach you will get easier if you remember how he left you, and the fact he left you for someone he cheated on you with. That is a slap in the face.
Betrayal is forgivable, but allow time to mend you before you open any doors to discussion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Wouldn't meet up - he proved his true colours by how he treated you. Reply and say if there is something he needs to tell you then he's got your number and can text it over and leave it as that. I wouldn't mention the meeting up because clearly it isn't best for you. What would you gain by meeting him? He was disrespectful to you, he had someone else to go off with...not really friend material let alone boyfriend. Maybe he's fed p with his current gf and is planning his escape by lining up another girl before he leaves, don't let it be you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Curiosity killed the cat... It's an idle curiosity anyway.
He told you what he wants, he wants to " catch up ". Do YOU want to catch up ? I'd rather think not, because a) you catch up with old friends but the way he behaved disqualifies him from being counted among your friends. You can't say in the same breath that he broke you heart, treated you poorly and was rude and disrespectful AND that you want to catch up and have a nice cozy lunch with him.
Not that you have to hold grudges or declare all out war- but that should be just part of the normal process of weeding out negative, or even superfluous , influences in your life. Keep close those who bring positive things in your life and make it happier- the other , if you aren't FORCED to be around them ( e.g. : mean boss at work ) you can, and should, do without , and b ) it's impossible to "stay friends " until there are still strong feelings lingering. You are , after 8 months, still quite sore about how things went, you stil have a strong,and ambivalent, reaction to him. When you will have completely moved on , and you will only feel indifference for him , and will be able to chalk the whole messy thing to " oh well - at least it was an experience "- THEN you could catch up and give each other updates ( by which time, though, you'll probably won't have any interest in doing that ). And c ): do you WANT to move on ? Then do not meet him, do not talk to him, do not do anything that brings him back closer to you when you have been trying to put distance between you and him. That would be like taking one step forward and two back. He is gone - he choose to be gone at the time- well, now let him stay gone. Otherwise it won't take you 8 months to move on, but 8 years !
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (4 April 2016):
Hi. I totally agree with no nonsense here. To satisfy your curiosity, he's suggestion is on the money. A simple text back mirrored in the same vein as his message, so however he's addressed you use that word (eg I'd he said hi, you do the same) then state of there's something you need to let me know about, better you text it- otherwise I see no need to meet. Best wishes.
It will also serve up a dose of Kama for him bring so awful to you at the end of your time together. Let us know how it goes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): I wouldn't met up with him since he was disrespectful before the break up. Plus, he's living with his new girlfriend so he moved on. But texting him back to see what he wants wouldn't hurt, since it's been on your mind.
:-)
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 April 2016):
I would reply stating that if he has something he wishes to tell you, just let you know now – a meeting over lunch is not necessary. He can just send a text or a message. That way, if there is something you need to know he should tell you, but you’ve not given any signals of interest if he’s wanting to re-establish some kind of relationship with you, be it giving it another go as a couple or a platonic friendship. I would say after that to ignore him. IT’s not a good idea to re-open old wounds.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): The choice is yours. It would look a little bizarre if you texted him three days after he sent the original text.
You chose to ignore it. You justified your decision by explaining the bad way he treated you leading up to the break up. Think you answered your own question.
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A
female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Do NOT reply to him!!! It doesn't matter why he's contacted you again. He's either looking to worm his way back into your life because things are going south with this woman, OR he feels guilty about how he treated you.
Either way, he does NOT deserve to see you again after his behaviour. I'm assuming you feel like you are over him, and seeing him again might put you back a few steps.
The ball is in your court now. It's a good feeling after the break up was on his terms.
Delete his number. That chapter in your life is done.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Delete AND block his number, and leave him hanging! You deserve so much better. Him reaching out does not sound like good news. Don't need to be kind to him. Delete and never look back. Don't be easy.
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