A
female
age
26-29,
*KnowWhatIWanTButDoThey
writes:Okay, so I'm 14 years old, and just recently, I've made plans with this guy, a friend, who I've known for years, to lose my virginity...and I know a lot of people might say I'm too young, but I know what I want.. my thing is, I have a fear of pregnancy, that I think will stop me from going through with it..and I'm weird in the way where, he isn't my bf, and I don't want him to be or really love at all right now, but I do want to experience my first time with him, because I trust him ,you know? So my question is, should I really be doing this or am I getting a little ahead of myself? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 December 2010):
 You're welcome. Be cautious of guys your age. Many of them will pressure you for sex. That never has been right, and it never will be right, but it is the reality of the world we live in.
I'm glad to hear you've decided to wait. I hope you find someone great for your first time. There is no need to rush into anything. Enjoy the innocense of your youth!
A
female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (30 December 2010):
IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to say thanks to all of you who answered. You really helped me sort things out. It's weird because after reading your answers, I came to regret something that hasn't even happened yet.
I was already a little skeptical about the idea in the first place and a lot of your answers made sense. If I'm not ready for pregnancy, than I shouldn't have sex. Because I know its a possibility, and it's actually a really big phobia of mine because all of my sister's have had babies before they reached twenty.
I don't think I will do it, and I will tell you that I had planned to do this, this coming Monday - I don't think it's going to happen anymore...
And oh, I really want to say thanks to "dirtball", the only male that responded...you're answer actually did make a lot of sense to me..because we did have a very very brief relationship as bf/gf, and we've always seemed to be going back and forth w/ each other... =]
So due to all of your help, I've decided to wait until I have sex. And I just want to say my mom knew all about this, but she didn't know exactly when I was planning to do it..and she said some of the same stuff you guys said, but .. she's my mom xP ...It seems more valuable when OTHER people give me advice...
Anyways, thank you! 3 =D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Ok you are getting a lil a head of yourself. I made that mistake and I was even younger than you. I'd suggest to do it when your older and truely inlove and trust that person.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (29 December 2010):
 I think you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Why do you want to experience your first time with him and not someone you love and trust?
I rushed myself like you are right now, I had sex at 18 before I was ready, before I had met the guy of my dreams (whom I wish I had waited for) and I did it because I thought that it was time to lose my virginity because I was already 18 years old and never even kissed a guy. Don't rush yourself on other peoples accounts.
Most of my girlfriends wish that they would have waited for the right guy before they had sex, but they didn't.
If you are afraid of pregnancy then take precautions, birth control, condoms, morning after pill (very expensive) or don't have sex. You can't get pregnant if you don't have sex.
When you have sex with someone, it should be about expressing emotion to that person and showing that person that you love them, trust them, it shouldn't be about "getting it over with." Most people will tell you that you are too young, which I think you are as well, but ultimately you are going to do what you want so be well informed of what you are getting yourself into when you have sex.
As food for though, just so you know, cause I didn't know this either, in most states it is illegal for two minor children to engage in sexual intercourse or sexual activity of any kind before they are of the age of consent, which is usually 16. Not trying to scare you, but that's something you might want to look into.
Good luck and be safe.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Firstly you are too young. Secondly you do not have a steady boyfriend! What are you thinking? Wait until you are a bit older and with a boyfriend you love and trust. Some things you can not undo once done, this is too important to casually do, basically, to get it over with. Once, may lead to many times, with a boy not committed to you. Don't.
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A
female
reader, LilaRose  +, writes (29 December 2010):
i understand where you're coming from, you want to have sex with someone that you trust and feel comfortable with, and your right those things are important.
However, you are young and its important to remember that there is no need to rush anything, sex will still be there in a year or two when you are more mature and you may find that you have a much different view of things then.
On the issue of pregnancy then yes its understandable for you to have a fear of it but if your not ready to have a baby then your not ready to have sex, if you do decide to go through with this than you must be prepared, you must consider contraception .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): You have a friend that you trust that is something really special, some people can wait a lifetime for a friend like that, however it doesn't mean its a good idea to sleep with them. Think about it a few years later, this guy is still your friend you have a boyfriend you introduce your 'friend' how do you think he is going to feel about you being friends with him knowing that he was your first?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 December 2010):
No you should not be doing this. Yes you are getting ahead of yourself. Trust is important, but so is love when it comes to your first time.
Sex changes a relationship. There is no such thing as staying just friends with him after you've had sex. One of you will want more.
Sex is a big step. It seems commonplace these days to hear of FWB relationships, and seeing couples leaking their sex tapes on the internet. All these things devalue sex, and down play the importance of it. There is no such thing as "just sex." Every person you have sex with you give a piece of yourself to. There is no need to rush into it.
If you're scared of being pregnant, then you shouldn't have sex. It may not happen, but it is a probable outcome. That is what sex is for after all.
Please wait. You won't regret it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Yes, you are getting ahead of yourself. Trust me, you will most likely regret it. Maybe not straight after. But as the years go on you will meet someone you really DO love who's your BOYFRIEND, and want it to be with him, and realise you were far too young.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Let me give you a straight answer. I'm 15 years old, I've been offered a bunch if times to lose my virginity from friends, but the risk of pregnancy is way to high. Even with a condom. The pill would be the next best thing, but you can't get it without parental consent. So, if you wanna have the safest sex, do you really wanna talk to your parent about getting the pill. Cause I'm pretty sure that conversation will blossom into a totally differeny one. Trust me, I've been in that conversation. It's awkward. Just hold out untill your 16 or older. Usually parents will understand if a girl that age is being sexually active rather than 14. Sex really isn't great enough to take the risk of ruining your school life. I knew a girl who got pregnant in 8th grade and still hasn't returned to school yet.
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A
female
reader, sara'93 +, writes (29 December 2010):
if it's what you both want then i guess it's ok...but you do need to think it through! You are to young legaly. And maby physicaly your ready but are you mentaly? I'm 17 and i recently lost my virginity and i regret not waiting a bit longer. If you don't want to get pregnant then you should consider birth controle and contriseption such as a condom. Not only would condoms help prevent you from getting pregnant, it'll stop sexually tranrmitted desises such as 'STD'S' and 'HIV'! If you are going to get through with this then you have to prepare and think it through properly. Hope i helped! :D x
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