A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently 18, and I'm dating this 40 year old who used to be my teacher in high school. My grandma and aunt heard about us, and told me to "quit it" because it just isn't acceptable. We've been dating for a total of 6 months now, and I must say, I love him with all I have. He's been married before. I love and respect my family; but I also love him - a lot. Despite what I've been told, I still try to see him whenever I can. Do you think I should "quit it"??
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female
reader, Amy2007x  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 If u guys like each other then why break it off?
I dont think age should play a part in relationships, if u like sum1 u do and u shouldnt jsut break it off beacuse they may be a lil old or whtever, if u like him then keep with him =]
if it ends then uve had a good experience and will learn to never do it again... but if it doesnt end in tears then whts the prob? if u are having fun and enjoyin urself and if u guys like each other then jsut be happy u r with him!
good luck
keep me posted!!
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Hey there, what do you think of dating a 16 year old? What would your objections be- think of several boys you know who are teens younger than you...why do you feel unattracted to them? Imagine that you are now thinking of dating one 22 years older than you. If he doesn't see how inexperienced and green you are and have some of the same feelings about dating you as you would someone a few years or same age as you...think about that; you wrote in for are a reason. There should be doubts about someone who can't fit in with mature adults even 10 or 15 years younger. At 18 you are very fresh in mind and trusting with little experience and that leaves you very easy to control which mey feel good to you now but when you develop into a mature experienced young lady this may feel real oppressive to your natural person. Don't think people are being mean or closed minded some of us have done what you are doing and lived to feel it was not the best choice and have hurt becouse of it. But on the other hand some young ladies want security and frankly will never mentally or emotionally grow so would benefit from this type relationship- just know who you are.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): thanks for the advice. i have been following my heart - despite what others had advised. i feel that i am doing what's best. everyday, i seem to fall more in love with him than i did the day before that. and i guess its all because of the way he treats me. his dignity is one thing that makes us go stable.
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female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (5 November 2007):
I feel you in that too because I'm also in love with a 35yr old man. I met him at a party and had the slightest clue he was up to that age. He looked so cute and came to approach me, I thought he was in his 20's like 25-28, and after he told me his age and he knows mine, we are still good and I seem to like him more and more. Follow your heart and that's the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off, thank you all so much for all the advice. To answer some questions posed, yes, he was married before but he broke it off because his wife cheated on him. I know he knows how heart-breaking it is to cheat so I know he doesn't do it to me. He begs me to go out with him to lunch, but where I live isn't big and it is easy for one to spot us and turn me in to family. My parents are still alive. My father and I don't really talk about things like this. My mother's in California (miles away). He's a U.S. Army veteran, and he's leaving in December for a surgical operation. He had already paid my fare to go with him, but where I'm from, no matter how old you are, you still remain under your parents' rules, which means, I can't go with him. And yes, he respects me - A LOT. He never does anything unless he knows I want it or unless I give him consent to do so (that's if it involves me). Being that my family won't accept him, he constantly calls to check up on me if I haven't called him. Today, I went over to spend time with him. After he dropped me off to class (which is an hour and 20 mins), he said he was wondering what I was doing and if I was ok. He called just to say he misses me already (something I rarely get). But yeah, he may not be the perfect guy, but he's close - and I think that'll do.
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female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (29 October 2007):
 I really dont see why you should quit. You both sound happy, age doesnt really matter as now you are officially an adult. You should make your own decisions. And if you dont want to quit, dont. As long as he makes you happy and you feel like he respects you, then it can work.Dont give up the things you love, you really will end up regretting it, only end it if it makes you unhappy.Take care and I hope things work out.xxxxxx
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (29 October 2007):
 Age difference can sometimes be a very important issue, not immediately but years into the relationship. My husband is 8 years older than me and we are at two different stages in our lives, we love each other a lot so it works but there are times when I feel like I haven't really lived, because I got married young and now we have a family so I had to grow up whether I was ready or not. I am now a stepmother,mother, and wife. Im 26 and I haven't been to a club in years or out with my girlfriends. I think its been worth it we have a great life together. But if we were to ever get divorced I would kick myself. Hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I don't see why you want to be with an guy that old, I'm 18 myself and I don't see how you two can work long term. He has life experince, he knows what he wants in life and has already achieved it, we are just starting our lives as adults and haven't even grown up mentally yet, we will change from one year to the next, thats what teenagers are like. It's all good for him cause he's got a young girl on his arm, but you...?
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female
reader, samohir  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 If you love him and feel comfortable with, i dont see raeson why you should quit.I dont know about ur relationship, but i just see here a problem if you are not able to enjoy the years you have, doing things that ur mates do, simply Take advantage of the 18 years. That are wonderful years i must say, parties, fun a lot of things u might miss. When i was 19 had also relationship with then 42 year old man, it was good but i also enjoed the things with my mates.we re still dating each other, although it s over, as a friends and have a wonderful time together from time to time. So I would say, if you love him, stay , but try to balance ur needs as 18year old girl and his as 4o . Its difficult in most cases, But you know what is the best for you. As far as i m concerned, i put an end, becouse i wanted to enjoy my students years as best as possible. In a way im still attracted to older guys, hardly can imagine myself with a young one(althought have had some) and i know That is nothing wrong with it(no matter what people say) I just feel Happy with older ones. So why to quit?
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 October 2007):
What do you want from the relationship?Where will you be in da next 5yrs or more?Do you see him marrying you?Who do you love and respect more your family or him?I know at times you may have to go against your family but try looking at it from their perspectives.I hope it's not the sex confusing you because if he had to dump you,i see an emmotional breakdown happening.Seriously think about it and make a bold stand.If only you knew what's in his head,might be easier.I can assure you that you only know half if not less.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): The age difference probably isn't that important right now, but when you're 40 he'll be 62. You'll want to go out clubbing or whatever and he'll want to sit watching TV by the fireside with his pipe and slippers. But that's a very long way off yet and I guess you've probably already thought of that. Really, only someone who has been in the same position could give you an insight into the future and what the pitfalls are.
However, if you're happy now there's no reason to 'quit it' as far as I can see. Your life should be lived however you want to live it, and not lived to please others. Make your own decisions - you're old enough to do so - you're the one that will evntually have to live with them.
Phil
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (29 October 2007):
 That depends on you. You're an adult now and can make your own decisions. YOU know how you both are with each other. Does he take you out and treat you well or do you just meet to have sex? Do you feel he respects you? Listen to your inner conscience and do what YOU think is best. Time will tell whether or not you think he's the right one for you. Even with the age difference, it can still work if there's respect on both sides.
Eve
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male
reader, charlesplant  +, writes (29 October 2007):
hi! im not really experienced here, i'm 18 as well you see. ok, to be really frank. i'm not here to judge, but you have to be cautious at least. right now, we're just teenagers, we don't know shit. esp about older people. how they think and stuff. ok, maybe a little. but still, it can be potentially dangerous, you mentioned he was married before? have you asked him what was the problem that cause his marriage to fall apart? he may not be telling the truth. in ten years time,you will be 28. a sparkling beauty i might add. and he will be 50. old. guys will line up at your door to take you out. are you certain that you are what this guy wants? and even so, are you sure YOU won't end up breaking his heart?
so at the end of the day, my advice is, remain friends. and yes, just "quit it" cos there is more or less no future in this. you can try, but don't get your hopes up too high. keep your chin up(:
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