A
female
age
41-50,
*issmelbourne
writes:I have just returned from a business trip, i was gone for 5 days and its the longest i have been away from my boyfriend of 1 year.when I was away I did call him a lot and I missed him so much and on the trip i realized how much i loved him and what a great relationship we have.I was so excited to come back and I couldnt wait to see him at the airport, when i arrived he didnt seem THAT happy to see me and when I said "next time you should come too" all he said was "I would prefer to go surfing" He was funny on the way home and the next day I asked if everything was ok. He said "sometimes I feel like Im married and I'm not". We live together so I suppose thats kind of like being married, but when I asked him what he wanted to do he just said "I dont know." I feel like I should shut off from him, that he needs more space. But when I said that Ill give him space he just gets angry at me. I dont know what is going on? Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missmelbourne +, writes (29 October 2007):
missmelbourne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI totally agree with reversing it, im going to do my own thing a bit more and not be so needy! Thankyou for that advice it really helped me understand from his point of view.I was concerned that maybe he had cheated on me when I was away but I dont want to think about it and if i did ask him something like that, it would cause drama. Im just so over drama! He doesnt talk... its hard to get him to talk.Yes I am going to give him space, all the space he needs. Im sick of feeling rejected!
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 October 2007):
My oh my.Does your man behave like a woman.I think you need to start treating him like a woman.Most men in whose partners are behaving behave like your men would give their partners space.So give him some space and i'm sure he'll come around but don't shut him off coz it'll only make things worse.Try as much as possible to get him to talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): sounds like he has something to hide, but just ask him why he is off with you there might be a simple explanation!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Your first instincts are correct. Basic human dynamics. If someone you love pulls back then you pull back further.
If it doesnt make them sit up and take notice then you need to look at the whole situation and whether it has run its course.
He sounds bored, a bit trapped and the attraction toward you has dropped. Need to raise it up so that it overcomes any X factors.
If someone is feeling trapped and pressured then they either fight or flight. He is showing all the classics things of hitting flight soon so the commonsense thing is to NOT put ANY pressure on, release it all, sit back and make sure he has nothing to flee from.
Give his sense of flight no fuel. Do not come over as needy or dependant, people do not like that. Nothing worse than the pressure of feeling someone else needs you for their sun to come up.
Reverse it, be upbeat, happy, confident, project an air that you love him but hey, if he not want you it is his loss.
Make him a little needy for YOUR love.
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