A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok. There has been a previous question about porn and double standards. I have wondered this very thing myself.But thought that physically meeting someone is perhaps not comparable to just watching porn.So...My husband watching porn, makes me feel like the ugliest woman to ever walk the face of the earth. But , of course, he doesnt understand that.So i said to him, that i want to feel good about my body too. So if he is looking (just innocently looking as all men seem to agree porn is), then it should be ok for other guys to look at me. (Not in person of course! But he should allow ME to be the fantasy of other men,as he is looking for other fantasy women.) I found a website, where women can upload naked pics (doesnt have to include your face, so you can stay nice and anonymous) and the men visiting the site can rate your attributes from one to ten. And that way, i can recapture the loss of self-image that his porn watching has caused me. (I mean he says i am so beautiful etc, but still needs porn, so I still need other men's adoration). I mean this is 100% fair right??I showed him the website and my naked pic (which is one of the ones i had given to him before, but he never looks at- and why would he with the variety out there) that i want to upload. I was actually quite excited. It would be interesting to see how i compare. Some of the women there got quite high marks and stunning comments, so I thought i wouldnt do too badly!My husband absolutely freaked. I pointed out that i had cropped my face and nobody would know, but this wasnt good enough! Oh, but he still gets to watch porn (of course, duh).There is the risk i guess of getting poor grading of course. But this way i will atleast know... Rather than wonder if my hubbie looks at porn because i am ugly!Also there will forever be a naked pic of me out there on the vast internet. But hopefully i'll never be recognised! And if someone ever says, boy, those boobs look familiar! I would know they are probably not the type to hang out with???What do you guys think? Hmmm? Should i do it? Against my husbands wishes?
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (15 July 2009):
I am disiilusioned by some of the responses to this question. There are magnificent examples of a psychological term called projection. Where people are projecting their own issue on the person with the question. Things such as:~ using your partner watching porn as an excuse for acting foolishly - There would be no foolishness in wanking off to a box would there be!~ You can't find love in your relationship if you are looking outside it - isn't he the one that is looking outside the relationship? ~ Some Women just don't get it at all. They just don't understand - Wouldn't this be what is happening for her, her partner obviously is not concerned or understanding the pain and hurt his porn watching is causing~ Men are simple creatures - The fact that his porn watching is damaging his relationship and Women this bad who happens to be a real person in exchange for something that is not real would define complexity surely~Faulty thinking - An attached Man risking losing his relationship, hurting his girl like this just to watch porn is the height of faulty thinking to me~Putting yourself on the internet means that you have some sick need - I can't think of anything more sick than hurting someone you supposedly love to wank off to a box displaying other Women who are not real, especially considering it brings about feelings of loneliness and shame about how desperate you'll go.~Which one of you is the more shallow one - During porn viewing, doesn't porn make one feel good about oneself? powerful and in control? something obviously lacking in the watcher. If watching a chick you don't know, who has fake tits and fake whatever else in replacement of the real thing the epitome of shallow There is so much reaction from some Males, so much justification to hurt the one you claim you love it makes me sad. I believe that the person writing the question would only be stooping to her partners standards and it is true about the outcome of revenge. It simply is not worth it. I can't believe that people can't read behind the lines with this. This Woman is hurting and is desperate. I find it so insensitive that she be blamed for the inappropriate behaviour of her partner and what I mean by blamed is by implying that she has something wrong with her for having the feelings she does as a result of her partner's porn watching. I wonder if these responses are to justify your own porn watching so you don't have to face the hurt that you have created along the way, not only your partners, to yourself by choosing this behaviour as a replacement for a real relationship. Come on... there must be some Men that have some functional thinking on this. This Women is not to balme for feeling ugy and insecure, her partner's behaviour creates this which is confirmed by the obvious amount of relationship break ups that occur because of this. I can't understand how this Women is abused for feeling hurt and disrespected not only by her partner, by some Men with their responses. The fact that her feelings are not considered is the biggest relationship wrecker there is. She is being disrespected sexually and emotionally, as a human being and the fact that this is coming from her so called Man who loves her is astounding. Maybe there needs to be a discussion on the definition of abuse. The only thing the questioner is responsible for, is continuing with this Man who doesn't give a shit about her.
A
male
reader, ThatPizzaGuy  +, writes (13 July 2009):
I have done it.. Why not?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): By the way, I think your husband's porn watching alone while you are in the other room or he can have you in bed is rude and careless to you.
If the two of you enjoy watching it together then that is something else.
Just tell him to knock it off, forget the photos....unless you want to react like a child.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 If you want to put naked pictures of yourself online, I would go right ahead. This will clearly have the desired effect of making your husband stop watching porn instantly, go straight to the website with your picture, and make you feel great about your body and yourself. You want to become a pornstar yourself!
You want men to dribble and masturbate over your body. You want them to think they can do all sorts of things to it, and that you are up for anything, yeah you'd even beg for it. You want to be a fantasy woman.
Oi vey.
Some women just dont seem to get it at all. They just dont seem to understand.
Look at the porn he is watching, I mean, REALLY look at it. There is usually a woman getting humped senseless by a MAN! Oh wait, theres a man too? Most women don't seem to SEE him. They just fixate on the actress. Or is she being sorted out by (you cannot be serious) a machine? Maybe the woman is alone, with some sort of device? Maybe there are two women.
In every piece of porn that I have watched over the years, although I am not a huge porn watcher, I have realised that there is ALWAYS a woman. She is always DOING something, or having something DONE to her. She is never just sitting or laying there smiling sweetly. I can rarely describe what this woman looks like. But I can always remember in vivid colour, and badly dubbed dolby stereo exactly what she was doing.
Ask yourselves ladies ...... is my husband/fiance/partner/boyfriend looking at HER, or looking at WHAT SHE IS DOING?
THAT is why men watch porn. There is something happening that is exciting, unusual, or downright horny, who knows, its an individual thing.
Ask yourselves ladies ..... do YOU do what she is doing? Probably not. Why else is he watching it? He probably wants you to, but is too scared to ask, or knows from experience that you'd say NO.
The only person who makes you feel ugly, is you, helped by huge amounts of self doubt, and insecurity. If your husband says you are beautiful, don't question it. His porn watching is satisfying an aspect of his sex life that you do not, will not, or cannot fulfil. Men don't want to watch women in porn. They watch the ACTION.
Men are simple creatures, really. Try asking him WHY he watches porn, instead of incorrectly guessing that its because he agrees with your perceived 'ugliness'. You may not like his answer, but at least you will understand that it has nothing to do with your looks, and probably everything to do with his fantasies and your own sexual boundaries.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): You know one of the things some people fail to do is to learn how to think. You have a very linear, faulty thinking style.
You think that if your husband watches porn, then that means you are competing with these other fantasy women and you need to compete with your husband in order to even the score.
If you look at it in a less linear fashion and a more deeply logical sense, your wanting to post a nude picture of yourself on the internet means that you have some sick need to be rated on your attractiveness by anonymous men and you need male adoration, not your husband's in order to get off and feel sexually attractive.
Which begs the question, which one of you is the more shallow and base your self worth on your physical attractiveness and sex appeal?
Really stupid and narcissistic would be my assessment of your character....but knock yourself out.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (11 July 2009):
 I applaud your courage. Bravo! Kudos! I affirm your statement that he should (I LOVE that sense of naughty ‘oughtness’) allow YOU to be the fantasy of other men. But I’d go one further. I love the reaction that you from him! I think that you need to keep jolting him. I’d even up the voltage! A lot.
His watching other women affirms a woman’s right to upload photos of herself. More than this, his watching is ALSO permission for YOU to see other men, and to read erotica for women. Instead of a matter of discussion, I’d give him that as a point of fact. You might even thank-him for affirming your right to do to watch AND to upload photos of yourself.
While he is still reeling from that, you can nail him with ‘why don’t YOU upload your photo for other women to see!’ If he balks, you can take him down with ‘why are men such wimps when it comes to sex–I thought that MEN were the aggressive ones...what are you afraid will happen?
You can also tell him that you’re going to keep all the great comments men make because you might want to do a webpage someday. WHEN his jaw hits the floor, hit him with ‘why–don’t you think men like porn?’ As long as he watches porn, he has no right to complain about ANY of this. In fact, you MIGHT suggest that even if he decides to stop, that you may still continue on the principle that he has affirmed.
I’ll admit that I have an ‘over the top’ sense of humour. But some people like that. If you do, you can send me a private message.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Watching porn and putting your goods on a website that is meant for hookups are two different things altogether. I wish you people would stop using your partner watching porn as an excuse for acting foolishly on the internet. You cant find love in your relationship if you are looking outyside of it. He watches porn, so you up the antye by posting your nude pics...yeah that'll teach him!!
Give me a break!!!
Porn in and of itself is not malevolent or benevolent. It is how it is used, and you are acting like a child and making crappy excuses.
GROW THE HELL UP!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): so your saying that as your man looks at porn he should be ok with you flaunting your body online,not quite the same thing is it?
does he have naked pics of himself online i think he should if you are going to, btw i think watching porn is a great way to release pent up energy for both men and women,so i dont understand your insecurity about it
you have some serious issues here and your man has every right to be furious over u posting pics of yourself, i hope he does the same and attracts real female attention,after all porn is only fantasy....
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 I tried to read your posts, but got lost in the double standards.
"But hopefully i'll never be recognised! And if someone ever says, boy, those boobs look familiar! I would know they are probably not the type to hang out with?"
there are a lot more, especially by your husband but he is not the one posting the question. So, you are saying that it is okay for you to post a nude image of yourself for the entire world to see, but anyone who looks at is a type to avoid?
You seem to want a fair world. Good for you, but the ain't fair.
Wether or not watching porn in a relationship is wrong or not is not the point. (I personally think it is silly) The point is that he apparently thinks it is right. You accepted you can't change his mind so now want to get even.
It is what a tv character would do and we would all cheer her on but would it work in real life? Your husband does not see it as the same thing clearly. So will he want to get even in turn? Have you seen "War of the Roses"?
Yes it could be a boost to your self-esteem but if you think this will even out I don't think you understand how unrational people can be.
So yeah, the sitcom watcher says "go for it", but the person who knows people tells you to be careful of what your "revenge" might lead to.
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A
female
reader, myx shootingstar +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Hell yes. If this is that little something to give you that small boost of confidence then you go girl. Your husband has no right to tell you, you can't do something that he can. Be assertive and take control of your life. No one will ever know ;) Just make sure to crop yr face out. Wouldn't want that mistake =X
Good luck!
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