A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HelloI am in a lot of pain. My ex broke up with me after a 4 year relation when I immigrated to USA in Feb 2011. She was my life. She ended up with a sorry ecard and the reason being our lots of differences. The whole 4 years were a period of constant fights over religious views and her constant flirting with other guys. I am an atheist and she is a Muslim. I am a born Muslims but I left Islam because of its violent teachings.However I cursed her a lot of bad words when she broke up with me. As time passed, my friends back there told me that she was running campaigns to persue people to block me from facebook and telling that I was not a good guy to be friends with. I was really hurt and almost died cause I am the kind of guy who loves one and only one woman in life. It hit me hard and I couldn't bear it.Months passed and my hurting got even hurtful. I got a retail job one month after coming to USA. I did IT certifications side by side and started contracting for companies. All this business in my new life with 2 jobs and study contributed to forgetting her and the haunting memories of my 1st and last love but when I got rejected by 4 girls in USA, it kept coming back. I wanted to settle down and have a girl in my life who could love me the way I deserved so that I could forget about her memories. However I failed at that too.2 days ago, I decided to contact my ex cause I was terribly missing her. I just did it through email. And her response was quite normal. She told me to come online today as she was busy 2 days ago. She came and we skyped for 4 hours. She cried infront of me cause we spoke and saw each other after 1 whole year. I cried a lot and told her how much I miss her. She cried and said that I left her. I told her that she was the one who actually broke up with me and she was the one who sent me her picture with another guy 10 days after our break up. She said that she never had the feelings for anyone else except me and she failed to move on with anyone else. I told her that I want her back in my life and I would do anything for it. I told her that I will accept her being a Muslim. She said she does not want me back in her life and I kept persuading her. She agreed at the end that we can start all over again and not make the mistakes we made.Since that time I have been in a state of Coma I would say. I am occasionally crying, drinking and looking at our days we spent together. I shared it with my older brother who is my best friend and he said "I am going into a dark future now". I just love her to death. I miss her smile, her voice and the time we used to lay in each other arms after making love. What should I do? How? I cherished those 4 hours we talked and we talked so much. We talked about valentines day, getting married in the future and becoming each other's soul mate like we were. A part of me says it is a huge mistake and the other part says I am going to be destroyed if I dont bring her back in my life.Please tell me what to do because I am crying even now.
View related questions:
atheist, best friend, broke up, facebook, flirt, move on, muslim, my ex, period, soulmate, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I think you are mistaking loneliness for love..You said you had forgotten about her with work and you had started looking for another girl.. but because you failed in finding a girl you contacted her?This is not love.. this is just loneliness..If your gut instinct already tells you it is a mistake.. then it is a mistake..Trust yourself and your bad experiences and move on..Maybe you need to socialize a bit more.. look in other places. Let her go. Tell her you cannot after all forget the things that happened before between you two. And it was wrong for you to call her but you cannot do this. And please find yourself another girl. There are many lovely girls who wish for a wonderful man to come into their lives.But if you cannot forget her.. then give it one more try.. maybe she and you both have changed after all this time.. and maybe it can work.. Take care.
A
female
reader, MaryB +, writes (13 February 2012):
I certainly understand how you feel about your ex as I too would give anything to get back with my ex but, deep down I feel like maybe we both would be making a big mistake. After a long period of time it is easy to romanticize our relationships meaning we only remember the good things & stop remembering all the things that were wrong.
As the saying goes, opposites attract but, in your case their was way too many differences that may be too hard to overcome. Your religious beliefs is one of those things- even though you think that you can accept her being a muslim I'm afraid that maybe down the road you may resent the fact that you made that promise to her. If you were to get back together with her their is also, the possibility that once the honeymoon phase wares off again you will start to distrust her. You will feel like you can't be yourself for fear that she will end the relationship as she did before.
I'm not saying there isn't a chance that you two can make it work although, I think if you two were to start up again you need to take it very slow & be completely honest about how you feel about what you disliked about the relationship before. If you push all of your feelings from the past under the carpet they will for sure resurface again. She needs to do the same, also. A relationship cannot survive on love alone..you both need to have trust in one another, be totally honest with each other & be able to compromise where needed. If you both can truly work on your problems from the past & start out with a clean slate than maybe you can both make it work- only you can make that choice. I wish you luck, whatever you decide. Take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (11 February 2012):
 It is very difficult to break up with someone who you hold so dear, but this sort of thing happens to just about everyone. You feel as though you can't move on, can't live without them. You are truly heartbroken. I've been there and it is the worst feeling.You could try to get her back, but that could also backfire. If she is resistant to being in the relationship, then you need to move on. This is a dose of tough love that no one wants to hear.You are going to cry and be upset and miserable for a good long while, but there will be another sunrise tomorrow and you will feel just a tiny bit better. The truth is that you CAN live without her, and you may have to. There really are so many women out there who you could just as easily fall in love with.If it feels right in your gut, and she is accepting and wants to be with you again, then by all means go after her. If not, then face each new day as a challenge, and it will get easier. I promise.Much love and Best wishes
...............................
|
