A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been engaged since mid september and my fiancé and I truly love each other. There is one problem. Every time I ask him to change positions or say lets try this... He goes limp and can't get up for like a hour if it at all. I always say it nicely and try getting him up again but nothing works! What should I do??Ps wedding in 6 months :|
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Yes it's a problem, men's ego's are delicate, and if they feel inadequate the dick doesn't work.How about not saying anything next time, maybe the talking breaks his mood and makes him start to question himself. Try just moving his hands, or moving your body to the right place. No talk, just action might work.If penis goes limp, then don't make a big fuss over it. Kiss him and cuddle him and continue foreplay and oral and then go off to sleep. Make it so that a limp penis is nothing to worry about at all. You don't want to put emphasis on problems with sex, it'll make both of you anxious the next time and then it'll go wrong again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): It's not that I'm worried he cannot perform because when I tell him everything is good he stays up but if I suggest something new it's gone. I'm worried I am doing something wrong by asking for something different. Or by saying owe. If I say it hurts he also goes limp.. Should I just suck up the pain?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): I've got to agree with everything YouWish said...
I might add that don't assume that because he's male and going to be your husband, he's supposed to be more knowledgeable or more sexually secure than you. Men are going through the same insecurities you are.
You seem to be worried that he's not going to be able to perform for the wedding in 6 months...What you might not appreciate is he he's also likely if not more worried and that's impacting his performance.
Unlike women, men actually have to physically and mentally primed for sex to take place...But just like women, 50% of it is mental for them to enjoy it and sustain an erection. That's where your behavior and method of communication comes in. State your needs or criticism in a positive way, don't demand or say what you don't like, rather say what you like...try positive reinforcement rather than demands and criticism.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Yeah look, there's not much you can do about it. Just tell him to exercise more and watch what he eats. That could have something to do with it. Ciao.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 February 2012):
 hmm....usually, that's psychological. Subconsciously (or consciously!), he may take what you say as a questioning of his manhood, whether he wants to or not.
You might want to rephrase it. Take it a step farther than "asking him nicely". For example, if you're were going at it regularly, and you wanted to change positions, say in a sultry voice "You get me so hot when we stand up" or **insert position** as if what you're wanting is the hottest thing in the world for you and only he can do it the best way.
It may take some practice, but the idea is that you want HIM to make you hot, not the position. Remember, you're not trying to convey that what he's been doing so far makes him inept or criticizing his performance. Make him feel like what he's been doing has been white hot, and you want the next step in white hotness.
If he goes limp, don't stop the love! Don't let him stop the love either! Hands and mouths do NOT go limp!
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