A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 55 yrs. old. Out of the blue and old boyfriend of mine from high school, contacted via facebook..He was my first. I was 17 years old and was what i thought was true love. I was inexperienced and scared back then. Throghout many years I have kept those images and feelings inside. Never forgotten them nor wanted to. Now after a couple of months emailing and confiding in him my life stories..Him confiding in me about his marraige of thirty some years...His weight gain issues..and mine...him and his wifes lack of sex...My 7 years of living alone...learning to be happy with myself...Reminicing of the music and the fun times in high school....laughing histerically again...excepting him for who I thought he was....actually taking the leap and allowing him in my bed....knowing he is happly married to some degree...."To get this sexual instruction guide--"how to look like a whore in bed with her man"......goole it he says...Well this is totally not me...been here done this one to many times before...relationships where the men sought out prostitutes...And for years thinking it was all my fault....Well you know what...I grew up...I am not frigid or 17 years old anymore...I can please a man and am not afraid to...I do have my boundries...and I know all about mens fantasies....After actually going to google and reading about others and there feelings .....I feel like such an idiot...so stupid to allow a man to make me feel cheap again....Or even the thought that it,s ok.....for what.....to satisfy a now married man....who will spend hours online....and a few phone calls every now and then....sneaking around and figuring ways to get here....only twice so far....to kill all those wonderful and loving memories with more of this shit....Porn, dressing like a whore...talking like one...acting like one....while he gets off on it....30 minutes of great friendship talks, followed up with sex, sex, sex, talk....maybe another hour or so with confiding intimate times and rough times in our lives....to keep going back to dirty sex talk.....What in hells name is wrong with me...do I have whore plastered on my forehead...Why is it that I seem to attracked these men...For years I allowed it....That,s why I just chose to remain alone and be happy without all this stuff...I do not hate men...I have not been the perfect person....But I am a great person; kind. caring, loving, giving and yes a sucker for those in need. My question is this. Do i just go with this for a few hours of physical satisfaction every now and then or see the writting on the wall and jump ship now!!!!
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female
reader, KittenPaws  +, writes (24 August 2011):
I think the answers that you've received so far are testament to what a lovely person you are. You're posted about an affair with a married man and no one has taken offence at this.I actually think that the issues arising here might be a blessing in disguise. He doesn't seem to have offered to leave his wife for this and history or no, until he did so, keeping up an affair with man is deceitful.So the way it's turned out as it is; you've shared your old memories together again, enjoyed some fabulous reminiscing and talked through how your life has panned out over the years... the whole experience has probably been very cathartic for both of you. But then comes the hard bit; if you HAD clicked perfectly and he had lived up to everything you wanted him to, then you might have been stuck in an affair with uncertain future. Either he'd have left you playing second fiddle (very bad for the self-esteem! -And selling both you and his wife short!) -or else he might have eventually come clean and left his wife for you (one happy ending, one broken heart and a lot of upheaval). It's clear that this man isn't making you happy, and his involvement with you would break his wife's heart if she knew (I'm sure people have a sixth sense when something isn't right anyway). Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to end this without looking back or having any regrets for doing so. You're happy in yourself. You don't need to let this guy continue to drag his marriage down like this, or to drag you down in the process either!
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Hello,
I can only say that the advice that has been given already is very helpful. In your case I would use a saying, "When you have read the last page, it's time to close the book." Your book here was closed a long time ago and I would leave it closed now. Good luck in what you decide!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): cupidus has given you some very good advice. Reflect back on your life before this men re-entered it and then ask yourself what your ideal relationship would look like.
This doesn't have to involve a whole life review. You may have been in a brief lull right at the time this man entered the picture so look at that.
It may be that after extensive reading and soul searching you have a better idea of what you want and what your limits are, but haven't had many opportunities to put it into practice. Take heart in knowing that this will improve with time.
One pitfall many women make is they blame themselves for tolerating something unpleasant despite 'knowing better'. That guilt or shame often hinders them taking the decisive action they need to to rectify the situation and it is carried forward into future relationships.
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (16 May 2011):
I take my hat off to you because you have displayed a great sense of self esteem and you know who you are and where you have been. You know that it does not take a man always in our lives to be happy. You have given great thought and worked thru life. Very good sista!
The connection with this old lover created some great times as you shared with each other old times and memories. I am sure those were some grand memories as you sorted thru them. My younger years were fantastic and when I think about those memories I smile. Sometimes Iish I wish I could go back and relive some of those moments.
Perhaps your sleeping again with him was prompted from those memories. It is evident that you know the complications to come if you continue to see him and I don't think you need those issues I'm your life. You have too much going great for you.
Just in fun and game and for thought...you might tell this guy that you have something better than sex as a prostitute and when he shows up be dressed I'm black leather with a whip..then whip his ass back to his wife!
Keep the faith sista...I like your confidence!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (16 May 2011):
Picture this guy leafing through the pages in his year book and trying to contact all those old flames because his life and marriage are failing. He's hoping to talk to anyone who will give him the time of day. Now if he makes contact he feels relieved to know somewhere out there he can make contact with a woman. Now his only hope, is that this woman can fill those missing desires in his hopeless life.
The women who will feed him will most often be women who feel as hopeless as he does. A Misery loves company Relationship. Of course he's going to push her to meet his needs because she's vulnerable. He'll drop a few hints to test her availability and limitations, is she bites, the game is on. He'll not only be thanking his lucky stars but start pushing his fantasy's all the more. Soon the woman starts to question why she is involved in these "HIS" fantasies, are they hers also? Is she feeling lonely or desperate? She begins to feel, used, devalued, disgusted with herself. How did this get so out of control? How could I allow this to happen in the first place.
And that is the place you must go to. The day before the contact, how was your life? You'll have to investigate your life as it stood before this relationship. What are you gaining or loosing? Does the relationship add value and take it away? There are some hidden issues here that you should think upon.
What would be the best relationship situation for you?
If you could be in your perfect relationship what does it look like and if you find your thoughts saying "oh that would never happen" ask yourself why not?
Personally I would not move forward on this type of relationship, it would be very negative for my soul. I would simply move along saying I'm getting married, someone I've been seeing has popped the question. Hope you have a good life, take care. The End.
When you tell a guy like this you are no longer are interested, he'll either hit the highway or make you his mission. But it will be noticeably one or the other. Take a stand, get on with your vision and don't negotiate your values. It's obvious you would like to be in a relationship, but not ANY relationship, good relationships don't just call and land on your doorstop. They build over time, meeting most of the rules of courtship. Just be happy you know you are ready for a relationship and prepare to go about it in a safe environment. Be your own daughter, and protect and guide her to her future good guy.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 You don't feel good about it afterwards. What else is there to say except that it isn't worth those few hours of what fleeting physical satisfaction. Walk away from it and be happy.
I hope that helps.
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