A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Advice on Meeting this guy...I met a guy pretty randomly online about 3 months ago. He IMed me, and we just sort of introduced ourselves and we started talking. We kept talking acouple times a week, we would get on webcam and talk, but the sound on mine does not always work, so we exchanged numbers, so we would be on the phone sometimes too and we just talked and, well got to know eachother. We text eachother all the time, we talk online and on the phone. We are both 19, in college, so we kind of are going through the same kind of things in life. He lives in NY and I live in FL. I used to live in NY and have lots of family there, so that was just another thing we had in common. The issue now is, we are always joking about "whenever someday, we meet up...blah, blah.." but the truth is, I really do like him and dont know if I should find a way to make a meeting possible. He said he wanted to try to come down to see me over spring break this year, and then would joke that I have to buy HIM the ticket...and I was like NO. "You want to see me, you can find a way to get here". The truth is though, now that more time has passed, I really do want to meet him too. I know its usually frowned upon, but you think I should go and see him, maybe over the holiday break or something. I was thinking maybe surprising him for our B-days, because Iam the 15th of February and he is the 16th...so I thought maybe I could do that. I dont know, I just was wondering, would u guys try to really make it happen and meet someone like this, or would you say, b/c of how we met, so randomly and on a chat online, that I should just never meet him???
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female
reader, Wonder1  +, writes (10 November 2009):
Hey!!
Im 20 years old, yes im not old and wise, but in may 2008 a guy added me on facebook. I live in the UK and he lives in the US. When we met however he was deployed in Iraq (hes in the military) and so we were only 2 hours apart.Anyways, we started talking, and then it got to the point that we talked everyday, i would rush home from work to speak to him and would speak to him until the early hours of the morning! But we spoke on skype, so we were on camera to each other and so i knew who i was talking to was actually him.
After 3 months,we told each other we loved each other and had fallen hard. In the august he was due to return to the US, i knew it would be hard because it would mean being 8 hours apart and difficult. When he got home, he asked me to come to the US. I told my family i met him on holiday (the year before we had gone to florida). They spoke to him on the phone and let me go. I flew 11 hours to see him FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PERSON. Nervous? Thats an understatement!
When i got to LA, he was there waiting for me in the airport, and my heart did about 1000 backflips. I stayed for 14 days and they were the best 14 days of my life. When i came back to the UK i was so depressed, so upset, so lost because i loved him. He cried down the phone to me for the next 2 weeks.
He then came to the UK for christmas last year and he stayed with me and my family, and it was amazing. They loved him, he loved them. I flew back with him on new years day and stayed there the end of feb.he proposed to me on valentines day. (he's 23 by the way). My family were a bit weary about it because we're so far apart. Since the day i met him, i have been to the states 5 times (every 3 months). I dont know whats going to happen next. And im no expert. but it shows that eventhough you have met somebody online, doesnt mean it means nothing. just make sure, who you're talking to IS that person. If you're going to meet them, take someone with you. I know i risked my whole life, my fiance could have killed me for all i know. But look how i turned out?
He did pay for my first flight out there, but i pay when i go to see him and he paid to come and see me. You're right in saying no to paying for his flights, unless you have more money than sense.
And to this day, nobody knows we met online. And i think we're going to leave it that way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): hey
does he feel the same way for you?
you guys haven't even expressed your love for each other.You don't even talk everyday.there is still some distance between you guys.
sorry but this friendship seems superficial to me.
Get involved in a long distance relationship only if are totally committed to each other.Do you plan to be with him on a permanent basis, and will it realistically happen in the foreseeable future?
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A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (7 November 2009):
NO NO NO.
there has been so many things going wrong with young girls who meet strange men of the internet and they end up getting hurt raped or even murdered.
please dont!!
just have a cyber realtionship.
if you do please make sure you have adleast 2 freinds with you!!!
BE CAReFULL....
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have seen him on webcam. We talk all the time via webcam, and since the sound on my cam. acts up sometimes,we exhanged numbers, so we can talk through the cam. and be able to see and hear each other.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I am of the opinion that life is too short and that sometimes we have to take a chance. However, with a situation like this, you have to be very very careful if you do somehow decide to meet up in person.
I don't think that surprising him would be a great idea, I think that if you really want to meet up with him, then you need to discuss it seriously first.
If you have family where he lives this is the best reason for taking a trip to see one of those family members. You could suggest to him that you've got to go there for whatever reason and that if he isn't too busy while you're there, maybe he'd like to meet up and say hey over a coffee.
You need to make sure that someone you know knows where you are at all times if you do go to meet this guy. No matter how honest and open he is with you, you can never tell if he is or isn't a good egg, so keep your phone with you in case you need to call for help and meet him somewhere full of other people and not somewhere alone. Don't get into a car with him or go off anywhere with him alone after you meet - arrange a second meet instead, again, in public.
I met my husband online randomly 3 years ago and he lived in a whole other country! I took my first plane ride to a country i didn't know to meet this guy i'd never met in person before just to say "hi"! In retrospect it wasn't the cleverest thing i've ever done, but I was ready to get on the next plane home if anything went wrong - 3 days after we met he asked me to marry him, so that was a shocker but it worked for us!!
Nothing ventured is nothing gained, just be very careful and remember to think of the future - if something were to work out with you both, where would you live, would you want to move, could he move, is it going to be a problem? If the answers are "i don't know" or "i can't move, he can't move, it'll have to stay long distance" etc, then maybe its not a good idea...
Good luck though!! :)
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I think it is right to be cautious and his cheek is saying you can pay for him to see you is not right.
I am pleased you put him straight on that one.
OK so if you are both in college I am guessing funds for both of you are difficult.
How would you be able to afford to get to NY to see him? I know you said you have family there so presume you could stay with them to save money.
However, if you do this then meet in a crowded place and have a back out plan. A call to your mobile to see if you are OK, or get a family member to come with you but sit away from you so that you have a chaperone. He could be OK, but that is something that is hard to know right away.
I would not get too close to anyone new as you need to keep yourself safe.
If after that he wanted to see you again, then let him make the effort to visit you in Florida or stay in accommodation nearby. It would be his turn and he would need to find the money to do it instead. It is tit for tat, I know some people that have not been successful online but I have always known others who have, my sister in fact and she is engaged to her guy, someone else got married to their guy online and has a little boy with him.
The problem I see is the distance thing and the fact that he is possibly seeing other girls as well as you are not near enough to him to know any difference. He could probably be talking to other girls as well so that is the other side of things to.
It is your call at the end of the day but just play safe if you do decide to meet up with him.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): i think maybe you should actually see him first in webcam before you meet him. i know this from experience. im not going to say not to see him as i think if you really want it then you should go and see him. if you trust this guy and it feels right then go. otherwise you may always be wondering 'what if'. but make sure you plan it properly and both of you know what is happening.
good luck
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