A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:One of my really good friends for years and I have really fallen for each other, but we live in different cities. We have kept in touch over many years although living in other places, and lately we have been going to visit each other and have gotten more involved. The last time we spent together was incredible, and we have become even closer. Now we are talking constantly all day over texts, missing each other, and he wants to buy me a plane ticket to come out for Thanksgiving, so I am pretty certain that he is serious about us possibly being together as an actual couple (we still consider ourselves single right now). I have also been considering transferring to the college where he lives, so I think it would work out great if I were to move there. Every time I have been out there we have so much fun together, laughing all the time, I get along great with his friends, and they like me too. It will probably be another 6 months before I can do that, but do you think I should go for it? I am really falling for this guy, and he is so sweet to me as well, I know he really cares for me and wants me around. I am not particularly attached to anything where I live now besides school, so if I transfer there everything would be great! Has anyone ever done anything like this who can give advice? Thanks.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your comments! I just wanted to say that the school I am at is not as good as the one I would be transferring to, and I would definitely not give up a good opportunity for a whim, so that is not a problem. As far as the relationship with him and I, I have talked about moving there and he thinks it would be great if I did, so I am not worried about that. I will not plan on moving for about 5-6 months, so I think in this time it will show if we can make it or not based on attraction alone, so I guess I will see how it goes over the next months! Thank you everyone for your comments! : )
A
female
reader, L*  +, writes (7 November 2009):
did you talk to him about you moving there? make sure that he knows how you truly feel about him and see if he feels the same way. If you both agree, then move. But you'd better ask him how he feels about you transferring to his city before actually moving.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2009):
Yes, I have and I would never do it again. Don't compromise what you have going on in your life to fit into his...especially moving. If you don't have any of YOUR OWN friends there (his friends that you like and like you too don't count), he's going to be the only thing you have socially and when you're by yourself and he wants to just hang out with the guys, you're not going to be able to have much of a girl's night. The only time I think that it's okay to do a move like this is if it's a city that you already wanted to move to before even knowing him and that you'll have other things going on besides the relationship.
Needless to say, my relationship didn't work out basically because we were too young and wanted different things. We lived together so the breakup felt like a divorce; splitting everything up and me taking the dog which he was upset over but I felt he was too stupid to take care of it, it was very emotional. I'm not saying that because my relationship didn't work out that yours won't. But take into account that you shouldn't leave everything behind with the mindset that "it's not really that important/I don't have that much going on here" because you won't realize it until you don't have it anymore. Especially if you have family and friends where you are currently and nothing where he's at besides him, you will probably end up pretty unhappy. What you have in your life is important too, his life isn't any better than yours. Weigh your options and don't be the only one trying to make things happen, if he cares about you just as much as you care about him, he'll consider relocating also.
...............................
A
female
reader, FireAndIce  +, writes (7 November 2009):
Maybe I'm biased, but I say go for it. A few years ago I packed up my life and moved to Barcelona, Spain to be with the man I loved. Even though it didn't work out (the long distance had damaged our relationship badly) I still don't regret my decision.I had to try otherwise I might have spent the rest of my life wondering if I passed by the chance to be happy with the man I love.You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you're not particularly attached to anything and college is the only thing holding you back, a transfer is a great idea.This could be one of the most special relationships because it's based on friendship.Move out there and give it a shot :)
...............................
A
male
reader, JahlialS +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I have this to say, there are many times when opportunity stares us in the face and we don't take it. Sometimes for better, other times for worse. I myself have done the very same, not taken chances, or I have taken chances, putting all my eggs into one basket. Sometimes it has bit me, other times I benefited. If you feel this relationship has great potential as you says it does than I'd say it'd be a great opportunity for you. Since you were already considering transferring, remember your reasons for doing so. We are of the utmost importance, first and foremost, ourselves that is. We're looking out for ourselves, though we put others before ourselves out of compassion sometimes. The fact you have been friends for years is a great thing, a firm foundation. He seems very committed and that he'd like to do this. Just this week a friend of mine finally became the girlfriend of a boy whom she has liked for years, they've always been attracted to each other, up and down. They were friends first though. So I feel you should listen to your heart on this one, just make sure you have your priorities straight, and that you're doing this for you, and that he comes as a benefit. In reality, relationships are amazing things, but not all last, so don't sacrifice your life, what your career, or life could become, for him. If the school you are attending now is a better school, or what have you then stay there. Distance is a great test for the strength of a relationship, it shows how strong they are, if he is committed to you, though I know you are still single, but would still feel the same for you if you stayed, then if the school is better where you are now, stay. Good things come to those who wait, I can't stand that saying due to my impatient nature when it comes to relationships, but it's true. Imagine how much sweeter wine is after a year a year of waiting, rather than opening it when it's first bought.
...............................
|
