A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just got out of a relationship that lasted for a few years about 2 months back, and my ex is taking it pretty hard. He still calls me sometimes when he is really upset and says stuff like he is so depressed. It is hard because I do care about him a lot, but we are not right for each other. He was not happy even when we were together, and I felt like I wanted to give him the chance to have time alone to be able to concentrate on himself so maybe he can get out of this terrible mindset he has of how everything is so terrible in his life. I try to encourage him to do good things for himself like go back to college which he is planning on doing, but I hate that he is still so dependent on me and he doesn't seem to be getting the idea that his unhappiness is coming from his life and where he is rather than because we are not together. I have tried before to suggest that he see a therapist, or get help somehow but he never does it. What am I supposed to do? Even his mother knows how he is, but she doesn't know how to help him either.
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male
reader, justforfun +, writes (8 November 2009):
move on, get a boyfriend, i think he could turn in to stalker, these kind u cant have any contact with, its over he will get over it, move on
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2009):
There's nothing that you're supposed to do. You can't help a person that doesn't want to help themself. You've made suggestions and his mother has tried to help him and he doesn't do anything about it, it's his problem. You're completely right that he's unhappy with how his own life is; therefore, that's something he needs to work on. You can't force him to be happy and obviously a relationship together is not the right thing and he was unhappy even while in the relationship. There's really nothing that you can do until he helps himself first.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 November 2009):
I'm afraid to say that you need to be a bit tougher here. Eve if you were still going out, you'd need to be tough, because his depression is now affecting the people around him, inlcluding you. You need to start not taking his calls sometimes, and not always getting back to him. The reason he's coming to you is because you're still talking ti him. I'm sure you do want to help, but the only person who can help him is HIM, not anyone else. Even his own mother can't get him to see it, so he needs to see it himself and the only way to do that is to stop anwering his calls and let him deal with it.
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