A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a complicated situation. I recently met a man and started dating. All was going great - he was taking me out for dinner, coming over and cooking me dinner, going for moonlit walks. It was very early days but I was feeling really optimistic. Then my father passed away. It was a total shock as he had not been ill. My man felt that it was not the right time to continue dating and I think this was the right thing. Two weeks have now passed and I am feeling stronger and keen to return to a normal life. My man has kept in touch with the odd text and I have bumped into him a couple of times. The last time was last night and I was out on my own with a very good looking male friend of mine. We said an awkward "hello" and he said he was surprised to see me out (I think he expected that I would grieve in a different way). I would really like to continue to date and get to know him more but as he hasn't directly made an attempt to ask me out again I am unsure what to do. I wonder if he might be not knowing what to do either as it is such a difficult time for me. Should I make the next move or do I assume he is no longer interested in me?
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female
reader, shania +, writes (7 November 2010):
 No Nime....what I meant was that she sends him a text or email...asking if he would like to meet up? and thats when the ball is in his court after that...He can either say yes or no.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thank you all for your good advice. I feel that you are right and that I should be the one to call him to see if he will meet with me but I don't feel that I am strong enough to face possible rejection at the minute and even if he did agree to meet with me how would I know he wasn't doing so just because he feels sorry for me. I really don't want to put him in an awkward position. I guess it's just a no win situation!
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A
female
reader, Nime  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 I hate to disagree with shania, but I'd say the ball is in YOUR court. It can be very difficult to deal with people who are freshly grieving; I'd say this guy was behaving appropriately by giving you space during this time. He was also giving any future relationship you two might share the chance to start off on the right foot. If he had stayed with you, it would have been uncertain what his role in your grieving process would be; after only a couple of weeks of dating you, should he already be your support system? Or should he stay out of it and pretend as if nothing's going on, because you two haven't gotten to that level yet? Should he put up with the emotionally draining experience of being a shoulder to cry on (to a virtual stranger), or should he put up with you leaving him on the back burner while you deal with your grief? It's an awkward, inopportune situation that your guy wisely chose to avoid by suspending the dates. I think you should clear the air with this guy by explaining about your companion was just a friend; tell him you've been thinking about him and would like to resume dating. You've got nothing to lose. :)
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (6 November 2010):
Talk to him. Plain and simple. Tell him you have a lot on your mind and ask him to meet somewhere or take a walk with you. I'm sure he'd be willing to listen. Just explain everything that has happened and open up to him.Guys don't exactly know how to read minds, and I can't stress this enough. The more you go on thinking, "He should be thinking ____" the more disappointed you'll be. Its not that we're emotionless or out of touch with reality, we just draw from different communication styles.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I think you should actually call him and ask him whether he'd like to meet up for coffee or something. Many people, especially those who've never lost a loved one are not sure how to deal with a grieving person so they just keep away. Let him know you've been through a rough time, but you'd like to continue your friendship, and that he doesnt have to feel awkward coz just being there with you is all you really need at the moment. If he doesnt respond positively then you will know to move on. All the best! Faint heart never won fair man :-)
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (6 November 2010):
Ask him out
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A
female
reader, lamee  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 well i think he just trying to give u a break,and respecting ur situation ,why don't u just call him up and ask him to hangout and then talk bout how u been and how u feel now just be clear, let him know that u ready to move on , and let him support u ,, and see how that well goes, wish u all the luck
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (6 November 2010):
Ok...it does sound rather strange but i think you should send him a text asking if he wants to meet up with you for a coffee or whatever, he has already seen you out and about and carrying on with life so the ball is in his court now.If he still declines your offer,then you will know that it was just an excuse on his part that your father had passed away and he was using that as a excuse in not seeing you....otherwise,whats the problem? Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ILoveCupid +, writes (6 November 2010):
 He probably thought you needed more time to grieve and didn't know you are ready to resume dating. You could ask him out and see how it goes.
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