A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure whether to break up with my boyfriend and would appreciate your advice.We've been together 7 months. At first he was working days like me and we used to see each other on a Friday night, which was good because neither of us had work the next day. Since August this has changed. He is working nights and some days. We now see each other on a weekday BUT it is affecting my work life. The next day I am so tired that I have been taking the next working day off and sleeping. He's ok because he goes home and sleeps then works the following night.I can't go on like this. It is making me tired and with my job I need to be alert in case I make mistakes which will cost my client. I don't want to end things but I long for the days when I was single and all I had in my life was work and home. I'd get a good sleep on a night and was fine the next day. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish and other times I cry through sheer tiredness. He says he can't change his work pattern and neither can I. I know the perfect relationship doesn't exist but I don't think I can keep writing off work days like I am doing now. What shoud I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Sounds like you are doing the work of two people. If you don't finish your work in one day and have to go in early the next then you need a rise or a serious word with your boss. Do people still do 10 hour shifts and is it legal. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Latino201  +, writes (7 November 2010):
Better suggestion. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Even if you only see each other once a week, make the best of it. If you are in love and see a future with this man then this is just a test of devotion. There are many ways to keep in touch, have fun and communicate (texting/email/webcam). The sex is also sooo much better after you wait a while. I work every weekend and late hours, my wife also works odd hours as a nurse and we have 2 children. The little time we spend together is usually amazing. We to do different restaurants, I cook for her when I'm off, she does the same for me. Realize these situations are usually not permanent. Have him start looking for another job, you will be surprised how things might just happen, I'm sure working the graveyard shift is not what he wants to do permanently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. It's good to know that I'm not the only one with this problem and I don't want to end things over something like this.
When I was single and throughout this relationship, I've been getting to work 2 hours early which means I get up real early so I can have a head start each day. I work a 10 hour day. I've been doing this for the last 4 years and I've been thinking that I'm going to start going into work a little later so at least I get a decent sleep on a a night. If my workload gets hectic, I can go in early but that's going to be an exception rather than the rule.
If I can compromise a little may be we can work things out. It's going to be hard breaking this habit but things have to change.
Thanks again for your advice people.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 November 2010):
Unfortunately this is how the work schedules go these days in a 24/7 society. The only thing i could suggest is for both of you to have a word with your managers and do some alterations to suit your shifts. I'm sure if you could find a way for this to happen, which days would be okay for you both to have then both go and ask your managers then that could be a solution. Sometimes people are afraid to say anything because it may jeopardize their jobs, but some managers have a heart, I hope it's yours. Just explain the dilema you are in and see what happens. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (6 November 2010):
"I don't want to end things but I long for the days when I was single and all I had in my life was work and home. I'd get a good sleep on a night and was fine the next day. "It seems as if this work schedule clash is your way to get out of the relationship. Now would be a good time to analyze if this is what you REALLY want. You cant be the only one sacrificing your job. If you guys meet on a weekday one week, you should meet on a weekend another week if that's possible. Relationships are hard work. When you make a commitment with someone your life no longer involves just you. You have to find creative ways to spend good quality time with each other. If you think the person your with is worth it, then stay in the relationship. Be creative! And start going to bed earlier :)
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A
female
reader, LadyPinky +, writes (6 November 2010):
 This sounds simialr to what my boyfriend and I are faceing. I work days at a school as well as another ob three nights a week and weekend.He works nights and goes to school. We see each other once or twice a week. I go to his house a wekday night until he has to go to work that night. And we have a date night at least once a week. Compromise is the bigest thing you have to be able to work with each other to see each other. If you really care about each other you can give up some sleep to see each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I had the same exact problem with my fiance.I would have a normal work day, while hes at home, i'm at work, and when hes at work, I'm asleep! This might be a little hard, it was for me! But I love my boyfriend, and I was willing to work with it. I would come home from work (around 4), clean the house, do whatever I need to do, and around 7, go to bed. I would wake up at 2am, call him on the phone and talk to him for a few hours, and then go to bed until 7 in the morning. I got plenty of sleep, I didn't whine or feel tired! The best thing to do, is trying to communicate with him, and if things are meant to be, things will work out. Maybe find 1 day a week to say you need off. Switch that day with someone, and let him do the same. So you and him will ALWAYS have that day off together!
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