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age
30-35,
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writes: Hello, ok after suffering years of abuse, I have decided to move out of the turbulent man's house I have called father for years. The issue is I have enough cash to set my self up...tho am still seeking employment but the things is I have a twin sister who never learns. I want to get my own place and move out alone but she wants to go with me which I won't allow because when I was leaving wiht her, she literarily threw me out of her house...she banned me from sleeping in any of the rooms using d fridge or even watching TV. I slept in the sitting room till I moved out. Now she broke and she wants my help. She claims that throwing me out was a little thing. And to be honest I have tried helping her to save money but she'd rather spend it on boys. She can't move with me and I feed her cos we re both seeking employment. This is a rather delicate issue. Should I move out without he?...and note we have a less optimum mother. Or I should tamper justice with mercy And allow her move with me but I have no sympathy for her cos I wish you could see what she did to me.
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female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (23 February 2015):
I can truly understand how you feel. While, being a sister you are thinking about her, sometimes you need to make choices for yourself. I suggest you move out alone, atleast for now. Not because your sister was cruel to you or anything, but mostly because, it's already quite a big step to take while you are alone. To be responsible for someone who can't be resposible for themselves would simply add to the stress.
I wouldn't suggest leaving your sister alone either. That's your choice. But for now, you could tell her that it's not possible and you can decide better when you are a little more stable.
Good luck. And remember, there is nothing wrong in thinking about yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): NO, no, no! Do NOT let your sister move in with you.It seems like your chances of leaving behind this dysfunctional and abusive situation have been so slim, and the reality of that will still be VERY difficult and precarious for you. You need time by yourself to adjust to having a safe space and to building a new life for yourself. Even from what you say in your post, it sounds like your sister has NO sense of healthy boundaries at all. It is definitely not okay for her to make light of the way she treated you just because she now sees you escaping for good and wants to use you as her exit plan without doing the emotional work of sorting her own plans out. SHE WILL DRAG YOU RIGHT BACK TO SQUARE ONE AND WILL USE YOU AS A SUBSTITUTE MOTHER WHILST ABUSING YOU AT THE SAME TIMEDo not feel guilty about leaving her behind. Do not allow her to manipulate you. YOu just go and build your life. Get therapy, get a routine, get exercising and get voluntary work and education of any kind to help you to build yourself up so that you can take part in society in a a healthy way. Take it steadily and build stability into your life at all costs.If you can't live without contact with your sister then you could arrange to visit her OUTSIDE of your home - but be careful. Trust me on this one please, I know exactly what it is like to be manipulated by members of one's own family including a sister, especially when they perceive you as having or being able to get something that they don't have. If she starts to manipulate you when you meet up (she will, believe me) then you cut ties. It is painful, hard and takes time to adjust. But you have to do it or your life will never get better.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 February 2015):
I would move alone if I were you. This is already hard enough without someone irresponsible with you and you dont want her inviting boys or worst still your "father" over. This is your chance for a new start and you have made it come about all by yourself. Yes she is your sister but she hasnt helped you or made it any easier to do this. You are doing all you can to make a better life for yourself and maybe later on when you are settled you can invite her to come for a day or 2 at a time to see how she will behave. Well done on trying your leve best to escape an abusive situation, you sound mature and resourceful. Also dont forget to look up any help that may be available such as food banks, government benefits etc should you run into financial trouble later on. God bless and I wish you the best of luck, feel free to update us x
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 I think you should move out alone and offer to let your sister move in if and when she saves up enough for a month or two's rent, plus enough for other expenses.
Good on you for trying to get out of there - I know how difficult it can be.
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (22 February 2015):
 This is a very hard situation to find yourself in as like you said.. she has done wrong to you when you had no where to stay but after all she is your sister.
It seems like you have really been looking forward to moving out and getting away from whatever troubles you have at home... I can imagine that now your sister suddenly needs a place to stay it has made everything more difficult.
It is terrible that your own sister done that too you when you were in a time of need.. and from the sounds of it your sister is bad when it comes to organization, so living with her probably would not be ideal.
If you think that living with your sister will jeopardize your happiness then don't do it. You won't be a bad person if you say no... like you said you've tried to help her save money up but if she won't do that then she won't be able to do other things like help pay the bills etc.
If you wanted to try and make things eaiser, you could always tell your sister that if she got her act together then you might consider letting her move in... hopefully she could use that as some kind of motivation... if she will do it successfully though.. no one knows.
You can still be a good sister and say no.. you can still help her find someone else to live and just support her while she does try and find somewhere to live.. that is what siblings do after all.
If you do choose to say no and your sister doesn't take it well.. then just makes sure you remind her how it was when you lived with her. You could even use that as a reason as too why it isn't a good idea you two live together. Good Luck x
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