A
male
age
36-40,
*im Morrison
writes:Hey,Well my girl had broke up with me a few weeks ago, but I wrote her a heartfelt letter and drove 60 miles and put a tiny christmas tree on her car. She called back real happy the next day and the following day we went out to dinner and she said she'd give me another chance. Now she says she loves me, kisses me like she used to, and the other day she said she got me a great christmas gift.What bothers me, is I apologized for a lot, and she didn't apologize for anything. I told her I'd forget the past, lets start fresh, but one thing from the past really bothers me. When we were having a huge quarrel over the phone a week after the break up, she said she doesn't love me in some ways, that it isnt there anymore. She said she wouldve married me if I had asked...I didn't bring up her saying this (And I only told her she was a bitch, and this was her response)...Now that Im doing more thinking, it troubles me that she said this before. She invited me to her boss's Christmas party this Saturday, so I don't really want to bring it up to her before hand. The fact that she invited me to the boss's is a good sign? Maybe she had said that her love faded, out of anger?? I said things to her, out of anger, and within 10 minutes I apologized for it but like I said, I haven't gotten an apology for anything.Also, at first she said she wanted to move in with me after college, but at our first dinner date, she said that she wants to live on her own a bit, she has been to reliant on her mother and she'd like to find out what she wants.She talks like we are back, but sometimes I get the feeling that she doesn't act it. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, Jim Morrison +, writes (12 December 2007):
Jim Morrison is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot everyone. You're right, Im going to not rush things and what's done is done. Its only the future that counts.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hey you said it yourself. You've started FRESH. You both can only look to the future and forget the past. There's no rush to move in together. If I were you I'd take things nice and slow. Give her a bit of space to do what she wants to do and figure out what she wants.
Who cares whether she's apologised for the past or not? It's done and dusted and you're together.
Everybody, i mean EVERYBODY says things they don't mean in the heat of the moment. Hell, I've know girls to throw their bloody engagement rings at their fiance during a row and demanding a split and yelling I HATE YOU. ONly when the situation has calmed down do they kiss and make up and move forward.
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT. PUT THE PAST BEHIND YOU AND MOVE ON TOGETHER.
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A
female
reader, BellyDance  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 This is a tuff one. But I have been in that situation. Only I was in the other person's shoes and my boyfriend at the time was telling me how I never admitt fault. She most likely did speak out of anger. And maybe she is just really hard at admitting she was wrong for saying it. Maybe something you said, set her off causing her to be so mean. And in her head, thats why she might feel she doesn't need to apologize. Honestly if it bothers you, I think you should bring it up. You should talk to her about it. I get the feeling you think you are walking on thin ice, and the smallest disagreement or argument might cause another break up. That could be a risk, but I think you are worth talking about something that bothers you to your girlfriend. Hopefully she will be understanding when you communicate, especially when it's about how you feel when she said certain things.
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A
female
reader, Crisy +, writes (12 December 2007):
 You obviously split up in the first place for a reason a christmas tree and a letter isnt going to solve the problem. Just give her some time to cool down, and if she still loves you shell come back.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (12 December 2007):
 You need to discuss your feelings and insecurities with her. If she is worth having as a girlfriend, she will recognise her faults, and she'll want to work to fix it and make you happy.
I wouldn't leave it until after this boss's do. If you're both going to have a few drinks it's likely something will get brought up and if you argue after a few drinks you won't get anywhere.
If you're not feeling 100% about issues in the relationship, you need to get them sorted asap, otherwise it will just linger and fester and create a huge problem along the line.
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