A
male
age
51-59,
*uietcool35
writes:I have been with my wife for 9 years, married for 3. I love her like no other and we have 3 boys together. About 4 months ago, we really had problems. I got so depressed and turned to trying to kill myself, but by the grace of god and my loving wife beside me at the hosiptal, I made it through.Over the last few months she has shown me so much love, and yet I did a few things to really hurt her trust in me. Like for one, having her mom check up on her one night. I know this is so wrong a I wish I would have never done it. Now she says, "I love you, I want us to work out, but do I think it will?" She says, no is her answer. She thinks I will do something stupid again. We were even trying for another baby, but now she says there will never be another. I hurt so much knowing that I have hurt her so, but yet she sill wants me home. Should I leave her, so she can find someone to make her happy, that never brings her down? She says I make her very happy, but then I do something to mess things up. I've never cheated on her and never will. I want her to be happy, but I don't want to lose the love of my life. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Hi
Start to think about your boys and what damage you would cause by taking your life....you may just have to put aside your feelings and depression at this time ...your children need you and their mum. By he grace of God you survived ...you have special things to complete in your life and have children to guide through a difficult world...they do not deserve to go through emotional trauma of nearly loosing their father....be as strong as you can be and fullfill your role as their father. Walk tall and be brave ven when life is dark....you will teach your son's how to have strength. I am not belittling your emotions or depression because it is obviously hard for you to cope....but think of them instead of your feelings.
spunky monkey
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Annalisa has given you excellent advice! Please do not leave your wife. You are still in love with her, and she does not want you to leave! That tells me this marriage is not over... it just needs some work.
Most importantly, are you continuing to receive counseling and/or medication for your depression? This is vital to the success of your marriage, as well as your emotional well-being. In addition to individual counseling, are you and your wife receiving marriage counseling? If not, you need to get that started immediately.
Your wife is wise to hold off having another child until you have healed emotionally. A pregnancy will only add stress to your fragile relationship. Put that goal aside until you are in a better state of mind.
I commend you for remaining faithful to your wife. That speaks highly of your character. You stated that you've done several things over the past few months which have hurt your wife's trust in you. This is one of the first things you need to work on.
Why did you feel the need to have your mother-in-law check up on your wife's whereabouts? Has your wife done something to make you question her fidelity? Or was your concern for her whereabouts completely based on your own insecurity? It would be helpful if you would clarify this for us. It might give us a better perspective of what is going on in your relationship.
I look forward to hearing your replies to my questions. In the meantime, keep a positive outlook on life. You are experiencing a rough period, but you can get past this! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (28 January 2011):
 As a depression prone guy, let me share something I had a hard time learning: Running away is selfish. Leaving someone that loves you does NOT make her happier, it breaks her heart! If you want to make her happy, get a good therapist, maybe go on an antidepressant (been there, done that, works wonders), and come home every night and just be the best man you can. She stuck with you this long, stick with her. She never gave up on you, don't give up on being with her. And maybe find a good male friend that an be an accountability partner for you who will make sure to remind you to keep trying.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Did you seek professional treatment for your depression? If you are thinking of leaving her so she can be happy, it doesn't sound that way. No one has to suffer anymore. Depression is treatable. If you have not already done so, get a referral from someone you trust for a competent, credentialed psychiatrist or psychologist that specializes in psychiatric disorders such as depression. If you have already been diagnosed and treated, perhaps the medication has not kicked in yet, or the medication you were given is not the one for you.You might want to look through the information on this website: http://depression.about.com/
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