A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend for about 4 years im 23 and she 22, on and off, throughout the relationship it has not been perfect. A year into the relationship she was pregnant, 6 months after we broke up after constant arguments, she has been with 2 people couple of times behind my back, on which we broke up few times, but we made up. and myself well I have had few flings but but not had sex with them all but after she found out about the flings, she went off and went behind my back.Just recently she became a Jehovah Wittness because my mum got her into it. I not sure if this cause some of the arguments, but for 4 months we been bickering, I will sit at hers and over little things she would get into huge rows and have a go at me. I started gym for 1 hr after work and when I would go to that she would moan that she doesn't see me for long enough afterI feel I never get my own time, she said she doesn't trust me, we don't have sex any more because she a JW. anyway 1 -2 month ago I split from her, I found this wasn't fair on our child who 2 1/2 yrs old with the constant arguments. and though i felt bad from splitting from her I also felt relived in some way. I meet this other women we have a laugh and we really get on , though i don't feel same with her as i do my ex. But is this normal?. My ex says we should go back out, she said she changed and she will not argue. But every time we have gone back out b4 we have. Should I leave my ex and move on with new lady and have time for my self?, as I just feel if i go back it will be the same, Im soo confused sometimesPlease help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (23 June 2009):
You will never feel the same way with another woman as you do about your ex, for one simple reason, she is the mother of your child, the commitment you both made gave you something to share that never fades, even if the feelings do. You cant blame yourself for being unhappy, its hardly a feeling you want so there is obviously a reason for this, maybe it has got something to do with her becoming a jw, yet if it was i feel you could work through it. I feel that the feelings lie deeper, you dont go together as you should do, as you once did and thats affecting everything. Your right to worry for your child, obviously in the ideal world the parents stay together forever but your son will never thank you for lying through your life living in unhappiness simply to keep him happy, no child wants there parents to lie and i feel you going back would be a lie, its just as easy to fall in love as it is to fall out of it, its just all the questions after that get you thinking. You will always have feelings for her but they wil fade in time like they have done to get you at this point. Use the oppurtuinty youve been given, youve found somebody new and in time she will, dont forget the past just learn from it. Sometimes people can have too much of a past and it stops them building a future in any way.
See it as a sign, always move forward, the more you go back the harder it will be.
Im sorry this seemed one sided advice, i do take all into account i just feel that in order for you to move on you need to let go, for the sake of you her and your son.
Best of luck
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 June 2009):
 ok well if you want to stay with your ex and get counselling then go for it.but if you feel counselling won't help you with the feelings you have for your ex and also this new lady then end it all together and go with your new lady.i mean you've got a child with your ex you can't bring him up in an unhappy environment it'll effect him in all sorts of ways more than you can imagine really... if he senses discomfort between you and your ex or tension he could become badly behaved or anything or feel neglected.if you really can see you and your ex working then i say go for it but you MUST be sure she can change.but if you feel you want a change and move on from your ex then you have to just let her know that there is someone else and you can't be bringing a child up where it's not a happy home.hope this helpsmessage me further should you need it.x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update, we haventy been together for a month, and I have meet some else, I found it hard leaving her cos feelings ihave, she recentley had a fling with another guy. and well week ago i had a few drinks and went to see her and stayed thier !!!. She said she wants to change and get conselling. Im unsure what to do as I have feeling for her, and do nt know how cut them off as it not fair on my new partner
hel thanks
p.s she not a witness now
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
yeah it may have happend about 2 years ago but it's still thereyou guys broke up for a reason constantly and it's always going to be there.that reason will never change.you're both better off moving on and finding someone else.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
look from what i read nothings going to change.she's just saying this to get you back because she doesn't want anyone else to have you she wants you there like to be there for when something goes wrong in her life and she has you to fall back on for when something doesn't go her way.she's wanting to keep you interested in her and not be with anyone else does that make sense?i'd just leave it she's not changed people say they do but they never do i mean you guys have been arguing for so many months/ years and you've always been on and off i mean really does this seem like love?if you guys are meant to be you'd have worked through these arguments like couples do but you guys are like competeing with eachother like she slept with guys when she found out you did.it's not a nice environment either to be there when you and your girlfriend or whatever she was to you arguing it'll affect the child and you don't want to bring a child up in an unhappy environment it's just not right.stick with the girl you're seeing at the moment you get time yourself as you said and your ex was probably saying she never gets to see you because she is still suspicious about what you are ACTUALLY doing.to be honest she still doesn't trust you.i'd leave the ex you guys had your time now to move on with your future and it's clearly not with eachother.you need to keep the child in mind as they are what's important.Hope this helps. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust adding to the question the cheating happen 2 years ago,not since.
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 you have to realise that its probably not going to change, even though you want it to. The best thing to do for your son is to leave, if you know your always going to be there for him no matter what and fulfil your role as a father it wont matter.I have been that child, living in a family where my parents hated each other, cheated on each other and fought constantly and let me tell you life was so much better and happier for me and my sister and brother when they were separated. We never blamed them, we were happy the fighting was over.If you are not jw, i dont think the relationship can work out, i also feel that she is being a hypocrite for becoming jw now after she has been a complete contradiction to the whole religion.I understand your situation, my bf has a baby with his ex who now claims to be jw even though she drinks and well is a s**t. He had trouble leaving her bc of their daughter but says it was the best thing he could do and now we have been together for over a year
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