A
female
age
36-40,
*egalwife
writes:I often caught my husband cheating. We are married for 8 years and has 2 children. 5 and 2 respectively. In 8 years of our marriage, he always cheats. But I always forgive him as I don't want to have a broken family. I am trying to save our marriage. Never a year passed that he wouldn't cheat on me. My husband is working on a ship so were not together I know that he is doing something wrong, until one day, a girl texted me and saying that she is in love with my husband and she wants to get pregnant by my husband. I haven't no evidence if that's true until I found out their pictures in Facebook. My husband doesn't have a face book but his colleagues have. I have an ex when I was in high school and I haven't seen him for 10 years. We have no communication, no nothing. Until 1 day our roads have crossed again in my son's school as there was a program that time. We had a talk, and he asked for my number. We texted the whole day everyday. He called me up everyday. I feel that the magic is still there. I am still in love with my ex. I know he will love me wholeheartedly and will accept my 2 children. He is not married yet and he waited for me 6 years after high school as he was still hoping that we belong together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Hi Legalwife,
I am sorry to hear about your pain, hurt and confusion. It can become a nightmare and a huge wave of emotions take over you.
Take deep breaths and try to keep calm.
Affairs are devastating. I was the cheater and have deeply regretted the hurt I caused to my partner and have been begging for another chance. It is horrible, not just the guilt but also knowing you are capable of hurting someone so much at such a deep level. If you want to be with someone else, cut it clean. Don't do it while you are still married. It will eat you alive, those romantic feelings will despair and you will be left with despair it's beyond words. It feels like you're a human shell walking in a transparent world and your life will never be the same. Don't do it. Don't cheat. Please.
Your husband may be a serial cheater. I don't know and I am in no position to judge. Have you ever looked at the possibility of going to therapy? As individuals and as a couple? Have you read self help books? Other peoples experiences? You have a choice to make. Whatever it is, you WILL make it through. If you wish to save your marriage, tell him, make a promise, a plan and work damn hard. It won't be easy or smooth.
Your life, your health and your kids are so important. Give them the value they deserve. If he is not willing to change and accept his mistakes or commit to your marriage, I am confident you know in your heart what to do.
The art of love... is largely the art of persistence.
--Albert Ellis
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): In acknowledgment of your children, I think you should divorce your husband. I grew up with married parents, only to learn once I turned 18 that my father had a double life and fathered three other children with 2 other women. My parents THEN got a divorce after I finally knew about this. Trust me, the pain of knowing you've been living a happy lie hurts so badly. And the guilt still stings me every night I go to sleep. Don't do that to your kids.
That other man seems like he could be a great father to your children in addition to his love for you. Please, do yourself and your children a favor and follow your heart.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Um, leave your cheating husband. You don't deserve that. It sounds like your kids don't really see your husband that much anyway and your high school sweetie sounds like a winner. What would the kids think if they knew he was cheating on you?
Leave your husband. Eight years is long enough. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 November 2010):
Leave your cheating husband. Imagine if your children find out that he's been cheating on you, and that you stayed around. They'd feel guilty, and rejected. Leave him.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Switch.
Your husband isn't going to change.
Your children don't see a lot of your husband and it sounds as if this new guy will be a better father to them.
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A
female
reader, Legalwife +, writes (18 November 2010):
Legalwife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAny advice is highly appreciated.
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