A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am a 27 year old from a very conservative family and am in love with a boy outside my community/religion. I have been seeing him for 2 1/2 years and am in love with him. He is kind, sensitive and we get along great.My parents have found a boy for me-yes, an arranged marriage, he seems thoughtful and well settled.He is from my community and share the same values as my family. My parents want me to be married to him and has told me that they would cut me off completely if i were to marry my boyfriend. I am however, a little worried if my boyfriend would be able to support our life together as he considers his credit card debt, which he then converted into an EMI as a "loan" rather than debt. He is still paying the EMI. I find him a little irresponsible when it comes to handling money. Another negative would be that i would have to work, have childern later than i planned, bring them up with a mixture of beliefs and loose my parents forever.This guy that my parents want me to marry is everything ive wanted (other than the fact that im not really attracted to him)... im so confused!!! i am unable to make a decision.I'm having a birthday party for my boyfriend while my parents are planning an engagement.Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Hi. Dont put material gain before love. If youve been with your boyfriend for 2 and a half years and you are still in love with him, thats something to be cherished. Build on that. Tell him hes not responsible enough with money and assist him to straighten out if thats the only flaw in an otherwise perfect relationship. Dogmatically marrying someone you arent even attracted to just because you wont have to work and it keeps the peace, has less chance of making you happy. If your parents threat is that they will reject you for marrying your boyfriend, then simply dont marry him. Stay as you are and tell them you would prefer not to marry someone of their choosing.
Its been my experience that parents will relent if the person outside their belief system is successful in life. Ie.. is a high earner, has a respected job, good character or better still, converts to their religion.
So explain the situation to your boyfriend. Tell him if hes really serious about you, he has to look lively now and work towards any of the above if he wants to be accepted by your family.
A
male
reader, Glassheart  +, writes (18 November 2010):
follow your heart and choose the right choice...so basically i'm saying the boy on the outside is the morrally batter path to go by =]...just know this, if you were to choose the boy on the outside, you better be prepared for the worst cause you CANNOT turn back
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A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (18 November 2010):
I say end it with the boyfriend and get to know the knew guy. Someone that blows money will lead you in ruins and the love for them will vanish. Now if the new guy is very strict I would tell him where to go also.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Do you love your boyfriend? If you do, do not go along with the arranged marriage. If you do not, personally, I believe you still should not go along with the arranged marriage.
Debts will be repayed at the cost of having children as soon as you desired. Never adhere to plans too much, they are almost always prone to failure. You have to be flexible, especially now in this situation. You should not teach your children what to believe, they will decide for themselves. All beliefs are a mixture, all are not always understood but people put faith in them anyway. Do not worry about teaching your children, they will come to their own understandings and they will question everything, encourage this and let them form their own creed.
You should be free to choose who to marry, I do not believe that there should be arranged marriages, there is not purpose for it. If your family cannot accept it, so be it, let them turn away from you.
If you do in fact choose to marry the man your parents chose for you, make sure that it is in fact what you want, that you are not doing it for your family but for your own heart.
Good luck
I hope that helps.
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