A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am madly in love with a man I'll call Mor. He doesn't know I do but he told me he loved me. We have an amazing bond, a complicated relationship. Now my friend Jay is madly in love with me and I hate myself for being too cowardly to tell him I don't see him that way- I wasn't ready for relationships when I met him, that was my excuse. But then, Mor swept me off my feet and became my 1st lover. Now Jay bought me an expensive necklace (his best friend told me) and plans to give it to me for Christmas. He plans on asking me to marry him too and we've NEVER dated and no, never told him I loved him. Never told him about Mor because he suffered a serious nervous breakdown when a rumor spread on FB that I was dating someone. I wish I could love him but I can't. What do I do? I can't hurt him! Mor has my heart and he'd be hurt if he knew Jay loved me since he doesn't know it's him I love and want-We told each other there was only us and our bond. Hed think I encouraged Jay or something. Please, help.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Yikes, well that's Jay's fault if he wants to turn into a "player", womanizer, man whore whatever you want to call it. That's not on you, you didn't make him that way. It's his own personal choice. He'll realize after a while that's not going to get him anywhere with women except for an STD and unwanted pregnancy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys... But I feel like crap. I told Jay and now, hes gone nuts. Says he doesn't give a shit about people anymore and that hes going to hurt women cause they're always hurting him. He already has told a girl after sex that hes done with her and to try not being a ho next time. He disgusts me. I wonder if hes always had that in him.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 November 2010):
Apparently you're doing something right to have these men falling at your feet.
One guy at a time, first take care of Jay way before he gets down on one knee. Let him down gently telling him that his gesture is sweet and you're truly flattered but you see him as nothing more as friends. Don't mention Mor, he doesn't need to know. Eventually, time will heal his heart. Then proceed on with this other relationship, there's no need to tell him of Jay. Think of it as a loose end you had to tie up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): ~HONESTY AT DAY 1 IS BEST~
Be honest with both immediately.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Talk to Jay, confront him about it and stop him from doing it. It is better he finds out this way then having to be rejected if/when he proposes to you. Sit him down and tell him that, though you care for him, it is not the kind of care that a loving relationship is based on, it is care that comes from a good friend.
Whatever you choose to do, it will not be easy but it is necessary so do not try to avoid it. Confront him and let him know that you just do not feel a romantic love for him. He will be hurt either way but, the pain will subside.
Settle for the lesser of two evils. Whatever you do, try to avoid putting it off until he asks you to marry him. Tell him that you are sorry if you unintentionally led him on but this is not what you want and obviously, this is not what he truly wants.
I hope that helps.
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