A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen for my boyfriends best mate and I don't know how to handle it. They play on the same football team locally and as I wash all the kits, we got to know each other without my boyfriend there. We have a lot in common and just clicked. I cant explain it really. It started when me and my boyfriend had a huge fight one day before training and he came to make sure I was OK afterwards while the team went for a dinner. He just listened to me and made me cups of tea and he went to kiss me but i knocked him back and he kept trying to make it up to me for trying it on and we grew closer and closer.I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and although I am happy with him, I feel our relationship has reached the end ever since I got to know this guy. We constantly text and he comes in the pub I work in just to sit with me on quiet nights. My boyfriend hasn't done that once in three years. Just to be clear, we haven't slept together and I wouldn't do that. Yes we have kissed and cuddled but I know if my boyfriend knew he wouldnt be too mad. No excuse I know. This guy has asked me to leave my boyfriend and go live with him (until i find somewhere else!) but I'm not sure I can hurt my boyfriend like that, leaving him for his friend. Would it be better if I left both alone and waiting for dust to settle till we start our relationship? Also this has gone on for over a year, its not like he's just after sex because after a year he'd give up right?
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female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (6 January 2013):
Cheating on someone isn't only having sex with another person. Cheating its doing something you wouldn't do if your partner knew about it.If you really loved your boyfriend and wanted to be with him then you wouldn't be behaving like this and you wouldn't have developed feelings for his mate. Its ok to have friends who are blokes but this is more than a friendship. Plus as you say you have kissed and cuddled this man which is not acceptable in a relationship. Dont break up with him to be with his mate, you break up with him because he is not the right person for you.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 If this isn't cheating, then what is? Leave them both and try and regain some dignity before you do anything else.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 your cheating everyone here
you are cheating on your boyfriend with his best friend
you are cheating yourself by staying with a man you are no longer in love with
you are cheating the new man by not giving yourself to him fully.
I think you need to leave your boyfriend and NOT go right away to be in a relationship with his friend but rather take some time to clarify in your mind what you want for yourself in life.
I mean you are cheating and if i was the guy you were cheating with I would not be so easy to trust you if I got into a relationship with you right after you ended it with the guy you were cheating on.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 January 2013):
Yes it certainly would be better to leave both alone. It's the respectful thing to do for someone who has treated you well for 3 years.
Not to mention jumping from one person to the next is not good for you. It may be easier but it's just not the best thing to do.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 "but I know if my boyfriend knew he wouldnt be too mad."
I think your boyfriend would pretty strongly disagree on that. If I knew my boyfriend had cuddled and kissed another girl multiple times, especially if that person was my best friend, I wouldn't be able to see straight I'd be so upset. Why don't you think this is cheating? It is.
Honestly I like your idea of letting the dust settle for awhile. Break up with your boyfriend instead of sneaking around because you are having an affair. It's like 70% emotional and 30% physical, but you are. Break it off, and give it some time in between.
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