A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My ex text me after a week.After breaking up, briefly getting back together, then breaking up again, my ex text me asking how I was.We'd been having difficulties for a while because I just felt that my bf wasn't giving me any of his time. He was out partying a couple of times a week with his friends from the rowing club (we're both at uni and 21), seeing other mates on some other days, and then once he'd caught up on work that he neglected to spend time doing things with other people, then he'd want his time with me. Basically he just wanted me when it suited him, and was getting increasingly frustrated when I started to indicate that I wanted him to give me a bit more of his time. I've felt way down his list of priorities for so long, despite having been going out for 2 years. So it all ended last week when I said I didn't think he was ready for the sort of relationship that I wanted, and he agreed, though as much as I wish I'd kept my cool I did get very upset because I just desperately want things to work with him, even though he seems very against the idea of changing a bit. So we hadn't spoken since it happened a week ago, and though I share a class with him once a week, I've so far managed to avoid bumping into him, as it just hurts too much right now. Then he messaged asking how I was doing, and I don't know how to respond. I really want to be able to keep speaking to him because he's been basically my best friend for so long now, but I don't know whether I'm giving myself false hope that things could work out by staying in touch, and that friendship is just unrealistic.
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (17 November 2017):
 You've written in recently and i remember replying to your question, so too, many others with smart and well meaning advice.
Sorry to sound rude, however, did you read everybody's comments?
If so, most of us advised you to NOT get back with your ex, even if he does text you and/or come back.
I'd say, NO! Do not take him back and don't even talk to him, certainly not for the time being.
Your only true hope, is to let go and move forward without him, as hard as that would be for you, but do know, you will survive and you will be fine in due time.
Your ex doesn't want to be with you, certainly not within an "exclusive" relationship.
What he wants is for you to be his "yo yo" and his part time on/off, backseat girlfriend.
Can you really see yourself as your ex's bottom of the list pick?
BECAUSE this is what you are to him.
Your ex hasn't placed you as high priority, so what this means is, you don't mean to him, what he means to you.
If you are happy to sell yourself so short, sure go ahead and try to work things out, HOWEVER, if you choose this route, you're very likely to get burnt 10 times over and you'll really be left with a broken and bitter heart.
Your history together spells, regular turmoil and NO COMMITMENT.
To maintain contact, "as friends" would be a bad idea too, as you've been wanting more and you've ALREADY built strong emotional feelings for him.
Seriously, how can you build a friendship now?
You crossed the lines of "strictly platonic".
It "won't" ever work FOR YOU, but it "could" work FOR YOUR EX, however, i wouldn't recommend you do it.
Try working on yourself and working on your self-esteem and your self-confidence for now and don't allow all you do to revolve around this guy, because if you do, you're wasting so much of your precious time.
That's time you cannot get back, so use it wisely.
Try to find your closure with your ex and don't even think about dating again, as that would simply be on the rebounds and that's not healthy.
You're still young, so you have plenty of time for boys.
All the best!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (16 November 2017):
 OP, this is familiarity, not love. You're not compatible and you only want him back because you haven't given yourself a chance to move on.
You know he won't change and he doesn't need to. The same thing goes for you. You're just not meant to work out. Love isn't enough.
I'm sorry, OP, but you won't move on until you distance yourself and you won't last together because you're not compatible.
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