A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, I'm 16 years old and have maintained solid friendships with the 5 people in my group for at least a year or two. To keep this short, I have things going on in my life which I feel are best kept to myself as I believe they wouldn't be accepted or understood by anyone but me. My friends seem to have a real issue with this. I often feel depressed and utterly defeated by my problems but still stay strong to myself when I say that it's better if no one knows. I leave my friends for a while if I feel tears rise in my throat, because I really don't want to be a burden, and ruin everything for them. Apparently I'm just too much for them to handle anymore, and they have threatened to cut off all connections with me if I don't tell them why I act like I do. I believe that this is pretty unfair. This is my life and I don't feel I should have to tell everyone everything. I do my best to keep away from them when I'm upset, and therefore I'm out of the picture and they have nothing to worry about. My friends are great people, very mature, funny and responsible. Why are they being like this? It's such a shock and I'm having trouble putting things into proportion. Is it better to keep my friends and jeopardize my chances of liberty, or is it better to lose my friends but still be able to keep things to myself and do whatever I want to? Does anyone have an opinion on this/know what to do? Your help would be greatly appreciated, x.x.x
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 To be honest I think you're being a little unfair on your friends.. Obviously its ok for people to have boundaries, but it sounds like you're putting up so many that they feel they don't really know who you even are. They probably feel like they're not being good friends, because you're not letting them in, just walking away from them. A huge part of friendship is trust; if you don't trust them to listen to your problems, theyre probably questioning whether you even consider them to friends.
I understand its hard to open up to people if you're not the sort of person who's used to that, I'm just trying to fill you in on their perspective. Theyre not being harsh because they don't care, theyre trying to get you to open up because they DO care. Talking to your friends about your issue isnt forfeiting your freedom.
Good luck :)
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 Friends help each other and this isn't entirely optional on the person being helped.
Helping each other, being there is what sets friends apart from people who say "hi" to each other.
You are like the monkey who refuses to be groomed by the group. Fine, but then the group will also sooner or later cast you out.
Sometimes you just got to open up and trust others. If you put to much value in your privacy and "liberty" then you might find out that sooner or later you can have all the privacy and freedom you asked for, and more. Because people will only try to connect, to be there, to be friends for so long.
Learn to open up, or soon enough nobody might care anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 November 2009):
This is interesting, because I spoke to someone the other day who is like one of your friends, and feels that her friend is being unfair for not talking. The problem is they are upset because they feel you can't come to them, and they really want to help you. Also, if you are suddenly walking off, or you're depressed all the time, they may think it's something to do with them. Yes, in many ways they are being harsh, but in some ways they're also doing aa good thing, because now you're actively seeking help. Your friends want to help you, and they hope that giving you this ultimatum will make you want their help. It hasn't of course, but if you don't say something you will lose them. Also, you don't seem to be coping as well as you think, and your friends can see that. You don't have to tell them everything, but it might be a good idea to say something just to make sure they understand youp're going through a hard time and you need them to be there as friends, but that you're not ready at all to tell them everything.Hopefully they'll understand.
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