A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please can I have advice on this problem that is really depressing me....I have this problem that rears it's ugly head every now and again. I don't know why it happens it just does! Right when I'm into a guy and think there may be a chance he likes me too, I think about it a lot in my head when not in his company and then when I see him whereever it may be (the gym, work etc) I start by heart pounding at seeing him, then wanting to run away coz I know whats coming next... If he comes over to talk I get so so so nervous, I mean like total stage fright like i can't think straight and no matter what the words won't form themselves in my mouth. The guy must notice a look of horror on my face because they inevitably look uncomfy and make a swift exit. But sometimes it doesn't happen and then I feel really happy... I'll give you two recent examples.. today at the gym there is this cute guy there and I've said hello to him a couple of times (he's an instructor) and I spoke to him when I first walked in (he was behind the reception desk) and I said I wasn't ready for this (with a smile on my face) feeling confident and midly flirting. He says "oohh I will come in there and make sure you work hard". So I laughed, went in to get changed and did my run and was on the ski machine when I noticed him looking at me out of the corner of his eye, then suddenly he came over and stood near me and i turned off my ipod and turned to face him and he said "I have been thinking u know, you haven't had an induction with me yet have you?"and all of a sudden I had the biggest attack of the nerves EVER - like I could feel my heart race, and I said no I haven't but panicked and couldn't think straight. His face kiind of looked a bit worried and he said "it's ok was just thinking that was what u were saying at the reception earlier" and then he said come and find me when u finish. I said ok, but felt dead dead shaky and nervous. I look at the monitor and my heart rate was SKY HIGH. The monitor said "warning high heart rate" like from 146 to 175 in a second or two!!! Then I died of embarrasment because I thought he so must have saw that! So I felt so shit about myself after that I went and showered and got changed. I went and found him at the reception desk (all the while thinking that I just knew I wasnt going to be nervous once I walked over to him and spoke) and sure enough I was fine (well felt a bit embarrassed after my panic attack) but was able to arrange and induction. He said i looked like i'd lost a lot of weight (when I mentioned wanting a fat burning programme) and indicated my face and I must of looked horrified and he said "no it's a good thing though. I bet ur body fat has gone down" So that was today (which Im still feeling absolutely horrified at) Then the other day at work there is this guy that I'd so love to chat to as Ithink he has the most amazing eyes, but my heart pounds and i get so nervous that I'm actually glad when I don't bump into him. But on the other hand I'd love to have a good conversation with him, coz once this freek out stage is out of the way, i'm pretty confident and a nice person. I get plenty of guys that are attracted to me so it's not like I am a minger. and I'm told I'm sexy quite often too, which I feel like I am when I'm not freeking out like this. Anyone else ever had this happen to them? and guys would this put you off a girl u were attracted to and interested in dating? Anyone got any suggestions how i can get over it? I wanna just add that the only time I can remember this not happening was when I were about the age of 19 to 20. I can remember fancying this guy at work (my ex-fiance)and i knew he liked me and I had no problems showing my interest and talking to him. It's only been since the age of about 22-23. Can't think of anything significant thats happened since then.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
I'm sure lots of people are very shy. This is something else though, isn't it! Your so shy, it actually shows that much that guys think they've hurt you in some way. The answer is yes, this can put guys off. not becauase you're shy, but because you lok terrified all the time, so we think you're not interested or you're annoyed (hence the instructor apologizing a lot then going away). But you mention your ex fiance? How did that end? Because I think you'll find that if you've been hurt, perhaps you fear being hurt again, so you automatically become shy to warn any male off. Really think about how your relationshi ended, and if you're still really shy, maybe see a counsellor who will be able to help you understand it all.
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