A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I unfortunately lost my virginity at the age of 30 to a prostitute, and I have gone through a lot of mixed emotions since. Does this mean I am abnormal? I feel disgusted with myself. Can someone say something to put my mind at ease? I am still 30 and male. She was a nice person but I kind of want to forget the whole thing happened. I feel sick in the stomach about it. I guess the main question is... Should I chuck in the towel, and have nothing to do with relationships or prostitutes ever again? Should I just isolate myself from women forever?
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (13 April 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am a very proud man. I take things seriously and the experience of losing my virginity to a prostitute is something I will have to live with for the rest of my days. I must accept full responsibility and advise other young men who might feel the same way, or are in the same position, to seek counselling "before" they consider doing something like this. Because with some decisions, there's no turning back. What's done is done. I didn't catch any STDs though, so that's the good news. Life goes on. Things could be worse. That's the way I try to look at it. And as someone said in the movie Insomnia..."You did what you thought was right at the time. And it's a question of what you're willing to live with."
So, thank you for your advice. All of you, and if you have any more comments to make, feel free.
A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (13 April 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, there are some interesting answers here. Some of you said "what's done is done" which is true. And yes, the answers were helpful. It is hard to know whether or not to just give up. But most of you are saying not to. It is easy to become confused about issues like this, so I will go away for a few days and think about it. Thank you for spending the time to reply. I've noticed there are some long answers here which is great. The notion that I should not tell "her" about the prostitute if I ever meet Ms Right does not sit comfortably with me. But I guess if I ever do meet a nice woman who cares about me, the subject of how I lost my virginity will come up. I thought the prostitute experience would knock out the virginity issue but I don't think it did. Or maybe it did but as Queen Katie said... It did as much harm as it did me good. Lisa 1970 seems to be intelligent. She says these women provide a service to people who are lonely or have a sexual issue. I guess that is true and I was like a naive child who refused to look at it that way. I was dumb enough to think it would be special, or would solve my problems. But the fact is some of our problems stay with us forever. I will go away for a few days though and think about all this. Once again, thank you for your time. All of you.
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A
female
reader, Lisa1970  +, writes (12 April 2010):
Hi
I'm probably just repeating what most are saying here. You probably felt that at 30 your time was running out and when you do find that special someone you wanted it to be perfect so you thought that an escort would be the answering and give you the confidence and experience you would need.
Unfortunately for you, maybe you have a religious background of some sort i'm not sure but it's obvious for some reason that you are feeling guilty about doing it this way.
You need to look at this the way it is, these girls provide a service to people who are either lacking in their sex lives, lonely or trying to get over some kind of sexual problem or lack of confidence around women. I hope that you used protection and if not suggest you get checked out via your gp just in case as not all these girls get tested or use protection.
I would suggest that you seek counselling not just about the way you feel about how you lost your virginity but also for your lack of confidence around women. If you work on all this you will not be feeling as guilty as what you are now and may find that you will find the one for you eventually.
However relationships are based on trust and the truth and the matter of how you lost your virginity may well come up in conversation with her. If you are both right for each other she will accept and your relationship can go on without any secrets that may get discovered later on and cause problems.
Until then seek counselling for how you feel about this whole situation and your confidence. There is someone out there for everybody and your day will come.
Hope this helps. Good luck! Lisa
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (12 April 2010):
i think there are a lot of useful piece of advice her and it is true, whats done is done and its not that big a deal.
i would like to advise that if you do meet a girl you like the i wouldnt tell her your first experiance was with a prostitute as this is likely to put her off a little but instead just explain your are not very experianced.
dont give up on women,just address where you might be going wrong and fix it. if you are trying to hard then it will scare us off if you are shy then go take some classes in something and get use to being around people of the opposite sex, this could be taking a french class or start ballroom dancing anything where you will be in a room with a general purpose. if you are overly confident then just tune it down a little.
talk to women on chat rooms join a dating site, just put yourself out there.
and forget the answer from the bloke that says woman dont give sex enough so prostitutes are required, that is a rediculous thing to say.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 Maybe you felt having sex with a prostitude would "knock" out the virginity issue.
I think you might consider some counseling.
I DON'T think you should give up on women... or on yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): There is a reason prostitution is called "the oldest profession." Men have always wanted to have more sex than women wanted to give up. Don't be disgusted with yourself. I just paid for it recently for the first time because I hadn't had any in a long time. I enjoyed it and plan on doing it again.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (12 April 2010):
 People make mistakes. The feelings you are having are you telling yourself that you made one. For whatever reason you decided that a prostitute was the way to start your sex life. Now you feel bad about that. Probably what you did was an action that was in opposition to your beliefs.
At this point you need to start to forgive yourself. Recommit yourself to your beliefs. Take the steps that you believe are necessary to heal and repent.
You may also want to talk to a counselor about this.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I wanted to reply to this because you sound so sad and confused and lonely. Also, the way that you are framing the question disturbs me slightly. It sounds to me like you're creating a false binary opposition: either you sleep with a prostitute again, or you swear off women for ever. (The real question behind the one you've asked, it seems to me is: 'I slept with a prostitute, and I'm tempted to do it again').
Now to state the obvious: you have many options between paying for sex and becoming a celibate monk!! So you're 30 and you only just lost your virginity? Even though this is not a subject that is talked about much in the media, a quick glance at questions for many men online should show you that you're not alone! There are many people out there who, for one reason or another, haven't had sex into their 20s and 30s. So don't panic and feel lonely about this.
Let me put this for you in another way. There are many people of all ages who have had sex and who haven't found that their lives have been suddenly and magically transformed by it. For some, even though they've committed the act itself, it hasn't happened within the context of the loving, caring relationship they have always longed for. Simply having sex regularly doesn't necessarily make a happy person or a happy relationship.
This is why I don't think that visiting a prostitute is really an answer to your problems. First of all, you are exploiting these women in quite an extreme way when you buy their bodies for your own pleasure. However, I don't think that a guy like you, who is clearly sensitive, intelligent and emotional, needs a lecture on the subject!! In fact, it sounds as though the experience has done you as much harm as good, since you are now filled with guilt, remorse and self-loathing. If you needed another reason not to repeat the experience, it is that it is likely to damage you as much as it damages the woman. In fact, it moves you further away from your goal if what you really want is a proper relationship, where great sex figures as part of a loving partnership. And don't you think that's what a guy who is sweet and caring like you deserves?
So what do I think you should do practically? I think you should take a careful look at yourself and figure out what's inhibiting your success with women. However, I don't think you should do this with a view to criticizing yourself, so much as to figuring out the ways in which you can change your reactions to maximise your chances of success. For instance, hypothetically, perhaps you're very shy, or suffer from social anxiety? There are many things you can do to combat those character features that are holding you back, including counselling, or classes to help you feel more confident and assertive. I know that it's easy to feel that one is trapped within one's own personality, but please remember that you do have the power to make positive changes to the way you react to the world and the people in it. And that includes us girls!
To summarize, the choice you have is not whether to sleep with a prostitute or to be lonely. It's whether to work on yourself and get 'in shape', both physically and mentally, for a relationship, or whether to jettison all hopes of a future filled with love and care by foreswearing sex or continuing to buy it. I don't think anyone with a grain of commonsense would advise you to abandon all hope. You're only 30 - and you have many decades ahead of you to find Ms Right. Don't give up!
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 I would advise to do the opposite. Its obvous that you dont understand women very well. Have you considered having a girl as just a friend?
This is a great way to get more comfortable around the opposite sex. Also you need to get out more and meet some new people.
As for the prostitute, well whats done is done. Id just let it go.
But if you make an effort I bet you'll meet someone special. Just dont tell them about how you lost your virginity
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