A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've known my guy for over a year, we get on real well, do all the "couple things", he has been living with me for the past 4 months, sometimes he introduces me as a friend, other times he introduces me as the girlfriend, if any body asks him to describe 'us' he says we are just friends. The other day i said to him - when we are 75 you will still be saying we are just friends and he laughed and said yeah probably. I get on well with his kids and all his family who now have come to think of me as his girlfriend, I have spoken to him about this and all says is he doesn't know why he does it. Am i wasting my time? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Had a similar problem with my boyfriend - he wouldn't commit to what we were friends or more than friends. For me a party with all his friends was the last straw: he introduced me as his friend.
I told him, very sweetly and much better composed than this:
basically I had been something in between a friend and a girlfriend and that I was happy being either or, but not something in between. I respect myself too much for that so choose... Label me and then act like that label applies.
So you're just friends: he moves out & you stop with the couple type things
So you're his girlfriend: he introduces you as such & treats you like it
A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (12 April 2010):
 i think you need to ask him straight whether you are friends or a couple, if he still says friends then maybe you should go out and meet other guys, who knows u may fall for one of them, or it may make your friend realise what he is risking losing!!
best of luck x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 April 2010):
Usually when a man does something like this, it means he's keeping his options open. Perhaps he is not as committed as you'd like to think. I think you deserve better than a man who isn't bothered after a year.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 If you are only friends.....why is he living with you ?
It's only words and you should see his actions which is louder than his words.
Girlfriend and friend,the only difference is the word girl.But in your heart, it makes a world of difference.
Get engaged or married and you will get your rightful title.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (12 April 2010):
 Your not necessarily wasting your time, if you’re getting on together and like each other then you are friends are you not?
My girlfriend used to introduce me as her friend, eventually it turned to boyfriend as her feelings started to change for me. So it just may be the way he is.
You will know if he truly loves you after some time.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (12 April 2010):
 Hmm a difficult one. If you take this issue away for a moment, what is your relationship actually like? Do you act like girlfriend and boyfriend. Does he treat you well and make you feel loved and wanted? You say you do all the couple things, does he acknowledge to YOU that you are his girlfriend? Or do you feel he treats you as a friend with benefits?
It sounds like he is commitment phobic. Perhaps he has been hurt before and by not admitting you are his girlfriend, he is defending himself, should anything bad happen to your relationship.
If you love/care for/want to be with this guy, you have 2 options. You can give him time and see how things play out. You've been together a year. It took this long for my partner to say he loved me, and now after 2 years he says he's uncomfortable saying it. Some people are just afraid of saying these things.
But on th other hand, you're living together, you've been together a year, you live as a couple, yet he still tells people you're just friends. That must hurt you! The other option is to call him up on it. Perhaps ask him why he doesn't want to call you his girlfriend. Try to find out his reasons. If he is evasive and wont give you a good answer, tell him how hurtful it is. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. You're unsure where you stand with him as he tells some people you're together and others you're just friends. Tell him you need him to decide either way. If he can't commit, can you be happy being FWB, until he feels ready to be your boyfriend?
Hope this helps?
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