A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a female in my mid twenties and haven't had sex in over eight months. I am constantly horny and masturbate almost everyday. I have never had a one night stand with a guy because I always feared stds and what not as well as my reputation because I live in a small town where lots of people know me. I would love to have a boyfriend who will make love to me but I'm extremely picky and am starting to give up on this prince charming and just want to get laid. Should I just get drunk and have sex with a random guy or do I just wait it out for a good guy?
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 To put this in perspective, I'm sure I read that around 50% of us have had ONS at some point. So when you talk about your reputation, chances are other people in your small town have done this as well, even if it was a few years ago. I'm pretty sure a situation like yours, is the time when people experience these things. i.e. they're not ready for a new long term relationship. Yes ONS can and do happen when you've not had sex for months and are between relationships.
Just make sure he's a different sort of guy, to somebody you think you'd be attracted to for romance and relationship. As long as at the time you don't have any expectations that it's the start of a romance. You understand that it's more about the thrill and experiencing something that they say is a bit reckless or risky. It seems to be more about that, and the fact that you don't know what you're going to get, because every experience with a guy is different. I think if you have these things straight in your mind first, then you won't regret it or feel guilty about it.
Sometimes you live a little when you let yourself go and live in the moment. Then before you know it, you won't be worrying about it, because you've met somebody else and you're in a great relationship. I think that happens when you least expect it, and it obviousdly does not result from a ONS.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Drunk sex with some random guy won't make you feel good about yourself. The sex might not be that great if your in that condition and you might not even enjoy yourself.
How about being less picky, and choosing a half-way decent guy that you know and actually like a bit, you might be able to arrange just a couple of sex only dates with him. Think this would leave you feeling less upset with yourself but leave you free to find Mr.Prince Charming.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 It's not as hard as you think. You post an ad on craigslist and the next day a guy would show up at your door. No need to spend money on wine or anything.
My experience is that if the sex is good, I would want to see more of him and a bond would develop, increasing my risk of getting hurt. If the sex is lousy, I would be repulsed by that guy and I would feel bad rejecting him. Guys who are good at sex are rare unless you want to hire a male prostitute.
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A
male
reader, BMWS +, writes (5 April 2012):
One night stands rarely satisfy..unless there is an attraction that carries on after the sex. I once had a one night stand with an ex-teacher..we met up, had a great laugh,turned each other on no end and sped back to her place for a rampant session. Afterwards though, this ugly emptiness set in - because we knew it would never work. In spite of the anticipation and the great sex, we both felt sad afterwards..she didn't even cuddle me during the night..it was awful, awful. True One Night Stands make you feel really cheap..i guess its probably worse than using a prostitute, because it carries the illusion that something nice could follow.HOwever when you have both come, the illusion itself is spent and only a dull, ugly emptiness and feeling of regret remains.Better you hire a male prostitute and live a fantasy for a night than a cruel deception.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 If you just want to have sex, why ask for advice on whether you should or not?
Take control of what you do and why.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2012):
 you wait.
random drunk guy sex will NOT be satisfying emotionally and that's what you are missing... truth is i just read that less than 20% of women will have orgasms during random hook up sex... they need that emotionally connection.
fwiw honey i'm 52 and in a loving committed relationship and I masturbate most days anyway. (gotta love a hand held shower massage)
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 Bad idea doll. One booze is involved and two it sounds like u would be making an emotional decision. Protect your reputation and check ur standards for a guy. Sounds like u should lower thing a bit but still look for good qualities. Good luck n just keep those fingers busy ;)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 I'd disadvise you, and mine is not a moral objection, but a practical one : how an one night stand would feel better than masturbation ? are you sure ? ...it's far from certain.
After all, like Woddy Allen says, " masturbation is sex with someone whom you love and care about ":) While I doubt that a drunken stranger would be very eager to please , to find out your turn ons and turn off, to touch you and handle you just in the way you prefer, or to give you that something you feel missing right now from your sex life : intimacy, passion, romance, closeness, etc. etc ( it can't be you miss orgasms, because you can get those by yourself ). He'd probably would be all focused on HIS gratification, and on getting from this encounter the most he can get with the least possible waste of time. Particularly if you are sort of picky , chances are it would be a let down, or something totally lackluster.
So, if you live in a small, gossipy town,... why risking your reputation for that.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (5 April 2012):
Ya give a guy a chance!. There are so many great guys out there! Dont be so picky! it seems like you have been in a relationship before maybe what you think is the typical prince charming isnt. Try to date or talk too someone totally different!
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A
female
reader, Windbreeze62 +, writes (5 April 2012):
 Don't get drunk because you will forget about it in the morning as if nothing happened and start feeling horny and masturbate again... loll If you as a consenting adult want a one night stand make sure you have your condoms. Even though you live in a small town that should not dictate your wants and needs. I bet they are not living their lives according to your thoughts or principles.. loll When you are ready to make love just be responsible and make sure that someone be it a one nightstand or a two night stand turns on a desire in you. Good luck and be safe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): I am telling you this as a man. If you go out having one night stands then kiss goodbye any chance of you meeting a good guy. They wont want to know you. Try being a little less "picky" and give things a chance.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (5 April 2012):
Sorry for being negative but I know a few people that have been in your situation and they regretted it afterwards. And if you carry on there is a risk that you will only be attractive to guys that like ons girls. I don't think that is really what you want. Whats so wrong with loving yourself? at least you know what you like! There is a very good chance a ons won't be caring about your feelings and you will be completely unsatisfied!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): I think if you have always had that guilty feeling of having a one night stand, that will never change. A friend of mine was in the same boat as you a few months ago. But she ended up having a one night stand and still feels bad now. I would just wait for the right guy if I were you. When you meet the right guy, the love making will feel amazing because you are into eachother. Don't give in too easily. The right guy for you is out there waiting. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): You have waited all this time already, why take any potential risks now. If youve never had a one night stand, and do now, you may get that release you need but may also feel you have let yourself down. Maybe you should try expanding your options a bit, sometimes things have to be unexpected for them to be good. It may be difficult to wait but probably better off that way.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2012):
 I'd skip the drink, but as long as you are safe, why not?
I've never liked one night stands, as I usually reserve sex for when I'm in a strong relationship.
One thing to keep in mind -- you say you're picky? A one-night stand is the OPPOSITE of picky. You wouldn't see a germaphobe going dumpster diving, would you?
That's exactly what a picky woman having a one-night stand is like. But, there's no law against it. It's just a risky thing to do.
And why are you waiting for a good guy? If you needed a pair of shoes, would you wait around for shoes to magically appear, or would you go shopping for a pair? Same with a good guy! Talk to your friends...they make great matchmakers, or at least would recommend a good guy they might know of!
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