A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been with my bf for 18 months and he recently told me he still loves his ex, but in a way where he cares about and worries about her. He tells me I am his future etc. This initially caused some tension between us but I want to believe that's all it is. I knew he kept photos of her on his computer (he knows I use the computer so no surprise there) but he recently gave me his hard drive to use and I found 3 new photos of her saved on it. I now don't know what to think. Does anyone out there search the internet for photos of people and save them, just because they knew them and want to know what they are up to now, or would you only search for photos of your ex if you still loved them? I feel like our relationship is better than the one they had (she had a lot of issues and he never really got to spend any time with her) so am upset he is doing this.Any thoughts? Am happy to provide more information.Thanks.
View related questions:
his ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): if he cares about and worries about her the way he would for his sister or mom then nothing wrong. I mean just because they've broken up doesn't mean she has to no longer exist to him. but what he's doing isn't quite like that. he doesn't have pics of his family members on his computer right? then if he does of her, it shows he's not over her.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 I would be concerned too, if I were in your place. I'll be honest with you, he's not over her. Its good to wish well for others, but he need not be worried or concerned for his ex, because that's none of his business.
...............................
A
female
reader, Windbreeze62  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 18 months is a longtime to be saving pictures of your ex., especially on his hard drive when he can view them everrrrrrrydayyyyyyyy...ugh! There has to be a reason why he hasn't moved on. I think deep down you know what the reason is. It's time you face facts cause while you are trying to ignore that he's still in love with his ex you are missing your blessings. There's a host of men that will love you and only you. It's time you made that decision either stay knowing he still loves his ex or move on to a brighter life. I wish you the best on whatever YOU decide.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Im not surprised you are upset. I dont think people would generally trawl the net looking for pictures to save, unless they had feelings for a particular ex. But then you know he has feelings for this woman because he has told you so...worrying and caring about her are all a part of loving. He says you are his future but you should be his present too. It doesnt sound as if you are. It sounds as if this woman he still loves is in his heart and you are back up for the future.
It might be that you two met shortly after his break up from her and you have found yourself in a rebound relationship.
I found myself in one even though initially my partner swore to me that he was over his ex. As time passed the truth emerged that he wasnt over her at all. It was about 18 months into our relationship when I found out he still loved her. It was a blow when he said it, even though I`d had a suspicion. But he had told me many times, how much better we were together and how unhappy he had been with her blah blah. And I allowed myself to be easily convinced because that was what I wanted to hear. He knew that and I think that is why he kept telling me how much happier he was.
But I wasnt so happy with things by then and I took a break from him. I left him to his thoughts for a couple of weeks and during that time he removed her pictures and came to his senses. My message to him was...Its OK if you want to hankerer after a lost love. Just dont do it on my time! Things have been much better since. That all happened 4 years ago and he probably doesnt give her a second thought now. Try a break, let him decide...the past or the present with you! Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): "He tells me I am his future etc."Don't believe he SAYS, believe what he DOES. What he DOES is telling me is that you are not his "future etc" but instead his "future ex." All you know about his previous relationship(s) is what he TELLS you, and of course whatever he TELLS you is going to portray him as the martyr and ex as the bad guy."Does anyone out there search the internet for photos of people and save them, just because they knew them and want to know what they are up to now, or would you only search for photos of your ex if you still loved them?"What makes you think he's saving pictures he finds on the Internet? I suspect he's saving pix because ex is sending them to him, and if that's the case then I'd tend to suspect she's sending them at his specific request, to me most likely and logical explanation as to why he's saving them.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2012):
 Hmmm...is he in contact with his ex? After 18 months, he shouldn't be seeking out new pictures of his ex and saving them to his computer. That's a bit off, and sounds like he's not quite over her, to be honest.
His saying that he still loves her and worries about her is a bit disconcerting when coupled with the fact that he's getting and saving new pictures of her on his hard drive.
I think a good conversation about his saving new pictures of her should be had with him, and that he knows how you feel and that you need to be absolutely sure that there's nothing more he's feeling for her, and that if she were to come back into his life and solicit a new relationship with her, that he would refuse. He should also stop saving new pics of her. How would he feel if you were doing the same for an ex you were with? I'm guessing he'd take a bit of issue with it.
...............................
|
