A
male
age
30-35,
*ssexxboxaddict
writes:So I did something I thought I'd never do. I've met someone on an online gay dating site, I never thought I would but I did.I spoke to him online for a good month and a bit before i got the confidence to actually meet him, as ive never really done it before... I spoke to him on the phone a lot before i met him, nearly every night, it was great... I found out (he openly told me) he was a bit of a player... if you know what I mean, he used to meet people for random sex. that did kind of put me on alert and think what am I doing? what if I get used.. especially as im actually a virgin and would hurt me real bad. but because he was so charming and nice i kind of overcame it and thought better of him, but i did tell him i didnt approve of what he did in the past.So i finally met him and it was a hit. We've been together now since start of august so its been a good 2 months, seen each other pretty much every weekend apart from a couple.He lives in haywards heath, which is near brighton. im located in southampton, so its about an hour and a half train journey, its not really that much of a big deal and i wouldnt consider it a long distance relationshipthings that concerns me is that tiny little fall outs we've had. for example i remember the first fall out we had was over 1 of these "randoms" he used to have sex with... before i met him he has a different phone number which to now i suspect he is still using... and as soon as he met me he got a new contract with Tmobile as he was on Pay as you go.... so bare in mind he is giving out his new number to the people who NEED it..... a few weeks later he asked me a question..and said "would you mind if i went for a drink with stuart and his boyfriend?" I said "Stuart? as in 1 of those randoms?" he said "yes" i said "what do you think? no" and then i realised why would he give stuart, this guy who he used to meet to have random sex with, his new number? he realised he balls'd up big time and it upset me... i kept saying to him on the phone "is that normal behaviour? i dont understand why youd do that" he said "it would only be for a drink, he has a boyfriend now" I was like no, i dont care because i know youve always had that past with him and it would worry me.... i got really annoyed at this point and he said "Am i still coming to see you this friday?" I said I dont know... he got really upset over the phone crying because he thought i was going to dump him.... at this point we kind of forgave each other and i realised at the time maybe he didnt do anything wrong and he does love me if hes crying.Then something quite major happened this weekend.... He went to have a shower and I was in bored in my room, he had his macbook with him so i decided to browse the internet... i found skype (the video calling messenger thing if you didnt know) which we use during the weekday evening to talk to each other sometimes, i went to login to mine to see if any of my friends where online, and i noticed 1 of the login names on there was "blank_dan" ... i wont repeat what the "blank" word but it was a bit suspicious not a usual username..sounding like something online people would be called for cam sex....Not only was it suspicious as the username was Dan, his name is not Dan. He came in, he looked a bit concerned i was on his laptop and said "what're you doing?" I said "Going on skype whats "blank_dan"??? he said looking really worried "oh, thats 1 of my old usernames years ago when i used to get people to go camming with me" I was like "hmm." .... and it hit my mind, he only just got this macbook in september. I said why would you be logging in? he said "I have friends online" I was like oh ok. then he was like "I should delete it" I said "go on then login" , he did, and it confirmed it was his account, but couldnt remove it wouldnt let him... after that incident he got really funny with me and said i dont trust him and gave me a real cold shoulder feeling... i was like what do you expect? He spent the night being really nice to me and saying how much he likes me and there is no one else blah blahlater that night it kept boggling on my mind, so i searched the internet for this username on skype and found some interesting result.... I found a active profile on the SAME website we met on, not only was it the same username, but the picture was a picture of this persons chest, and it looked EXACTLY like his. same everything. i just looked in horror and said to him "Is this you?" he got really mad and ignored me and nearly walked out. he was like "Why do this to me do you not trust me? i told you its only you i want" i was hardly convinced, and we went to bed without talking. we kind of made up, well he did, he just kept trying to make me feel nice as if he had some sort of guilty concience... he actually said "youve mad eme feel guilty for something i havent done." ..... and ive kinda just not cared because i've kinda ready'd myself if it is him, im 80% sure that is him in the pic.Thiings I noticed is he doesnt like me using his laptop.He doesnt like it when I bring up his past and these randoms.he doesnt like it when I ask to use his phone.He always has his phone with him, hides it from me when hes texting, and puts a password on his phone.He is always deleting his browser history starting from the day he arrives here, and all his texts on his phone i notice.We havent had sex yet, but we have done things, only because he respects that i dont think im ready yet...i dont really know what to do in the situation. i reflect on it and think all this in just 2 months maybe i should end it and focus on my career. But then i look at what a nice guy he can be to me, and kind of makes me realise maybe im just being an idiot. what do you guys think? ive tried not to be too biased. :( thanks x
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confidence, has a boyfriend, long distance, player, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, pauly12345 +, writes (5 October 2009):
I think it does sound like you weren't quite ready for him! :-)I think what you need to do is find someone (like me) who is happy to chat with you and talk through your feelings. Not all gay guys are like this and some are happy to just go for a drink and chat or chat online or on the phone. It's not all about sex. It's about affection. Which I think is perhaps what you really need at this stage.
A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (5 October 2009):
 I think that you should just focus on your career. By the sounds of it, he is wasting your time. The fact that he needs to hide his phone etc when you are suspicious says that he defiantely has something to hide and knows you are almost in on it.
You say he can be a nice guy. Every guy CAN be a nice guy, and even if you know he can be a nice guy, he is affecting you negatively overall. If you want to be with a man, you need to find someone who makes you happy and is open to you. This guy isn't what you want in a relationship.
I think that you have found enough evidence to say that he is up to something and it's not just you being paranoid.
Hope this helps X
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