A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I have little bit of a problem. One of my good friends just went thru a bad breakup, and I have kinda been playing matchmaker and hooking him up with a new but very good friend of mine. They are getting to know each other, but they haven't hooked up yet. He's crazy about her, and she, well being the kinda shy person she is, really hasn't said much, but I know she thinks he's pretty cool. They live kinda far away. Ok, My problem is that in the course of trying to hook the two of them up, I have fallen for the girl. I am married, and my husband knows and 100% supports the fact that I am bi, so that's not a problem. The problem is, I don't want to hurt my guy friend. He has been thru alot, and I care about him alot. I'm not quite sure what her sexual prefernce is. My guy friend knows that I LIKE her, and she's knows i think she's pretty,(and smart and funny) and she knows I'm bi, but I don't think she knows I LIKE her.Should I ingnore my feelings for my friends sake?Or should I tell her how I feel?Thank you for all responses and do not worry about offending me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOmg....
Play nice boyz, I meant with her!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I saw her first!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThan kyou or all of your advice.
I think I will take the safe route and pretend like I never had feeling for her.
I don't want to lose my friends, and I would die if I ever lost my husband.
Hey, on the bright side, I can still flirt. Hehehe.
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Okay. Let's ignore the husband thing. Let's just talk about the friendships involved. You've been trying to get two friends hooked up, and they know it. How will your guy friend feel if you say "nevermind" and yank her away, now that he's interested? Won't he be really hurt? And without knowing whether your gal friend is bi, you stand a chance of hurting/offending her, too, if she's not gay-friendly.Now, bringing the husband back in: if I were your gal friend, and my MARRIED friend wanted to start something with me (regardless of my gender) I'd be hurt and offended. Most people don't want to start a relationship with a married person, because they know it can go nowhere. Even if it could somehow end up in a committed troika, I'd still not want to share.Your gal friend probably doesn't think of you that way. And your guy friend would be hurt. And you know this too. You seem like a really thoughtful, caring person, or you wouldn't have been trying so hard to make your friends happy. Do the right thing and ignore your feelings. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): i think that you should do what your heart tells you...
it may no be easy to do and if ur guy is okay with it then i think you should go for it but also look at the other 3 aspects -- if u were in your boys shoes how would you feel
-- if you were the friend and you were being set up by ur buddy would you want him to snatch her up from under you or would you want him to remain a loyal and true friend and do u think he would be upset and a little jeous maybe cus you have somene and he does not and you want two somebodys if he cares for her i would explain it to hm first and if he does not like that idea then back off...
-- you also gotta think of what your jepordising (2 things) loosing her as a friend a the possible rejection
-- fallig deeper inlove with her and you loosing your husband - cus if you fal in love with both of them eventually your gonna have to pick one of them cus chances are your not gonna have that fairytail moemnt with both
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I guess the first thing you have to do is to establish her sexual preference before you dare go any further with this. You could end up losing two friends all in one go!
Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe have not hooked up yet, and I'm not interested in this girl just for sex. My husband approves, so I don't see why it would be considered an affair. My husband and I have discussed this, and if he ever decided to be bisexual, I would be fine with it.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I wouldn't say ignore your feelings because of your friend. I would consider what could you offer her, in case she liked girls also. I mean, its one thing to have casual sex with other couples or girls, but when you say you've fallen for her, what would that mean for her? If she were bi or lesbian.. that she would have to adapt to your marriage or that she would only be a part of your life when her presence is requested?
If they have a chance to try something steady (the friends), I think you should let them try without interfering for everyones sake, not just your friend's.
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