A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:the man that i have been dating for the last three years is an enabler to his family and also a people pleaser. his family does not acknowledge me. they did acknowledge me until we broke up for a short time back in the summer. they really do not want their father to date anyone. his family includes grown children in their 30's. even his extended family does not want him dating anyone. he told me their main reason is that i try to control him. the funny thing is that they try to control him. the things that they don't like about me is exactly the same things they do to him. they try to tell him that i am not right for him and several other things they try to control him. since he is an enabler and people pleaser he always tries to do what they say and he also tries to do what i want. if anyone does not get what they want it is me since i am only the girlfriend and they are family. thanksgiving is a good example of this. they are making plans for him to go to one of their homes for dinner. they tell him that if he does not come, then they will be very very dissapointed. they do not include me in their invitation and they never acknowledge that we are back together and that we are a couple. i don't understand why my bf cannot tell them that i am a significant person in his life and that they need to recognize us as a couple. they forget that i have a family too. last year we ate with both families at different times. the year before that we have both families together to eat and ayou could have cut the atmosphere with a butcher knife. his kids do not like mine and i think it is because mine intimidate his. please tell me how i can best handle this and what do i need to say to my bf because actually i think that he is the one at fault. please help .........i need several opinions. thanks.
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female
reader, selflove-always-first  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 This is simple, talk to him and ask him why he wont stand for you? then, wether he tells you or not the reason, be nice to his family. Cause if you are nasty to them they will be nasty to you and you know what? almost all of us don't like when people don't like our family cause it hurts our pride. Is like atacking him. So before you wonder further, check yourself out, if not be nice from your heart if it continues, dump him is not worth the try. I was in a similar situation with my husband, he started standing up for me at first but then I started being two face with his mom and stepdad, and something funny happened he stop standing up for me. So I decided to honesly take a look at myself and get real. I talked to his mom from my heart and guess what happened we are like best friends now, I mean we clicked and my husband is REALLY happy, It does not fail. Always remember to love yourself in the process.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): Wow..your bf's family do not like you at all. Let's talk about the break up. When two people break up, there plainly is an issue that causes it. And..many of us turn to family through hard times like that. do you think your bf's family found out all the details of this split? Was your bf hurt and if so, did his family swarm around him and protect him? If they did, they would have heard 'only' his side of it...right? Do you think your bf told his family "something" about the relationship problems that have caused them all ill-will toward you? If these people were acknowleging you before the break up and shunning you after the reconciliation...something happened in that space of time to turn them against you. You have a right to find out what happened, if you feel the need to vindicate yourself and rectify this situation. Talk to your bf, I bet my bottom dollar he knows the reason why they resent you. But he's not saying anything. Why? Because who wants to admit to their dating partner that they may have created this horrible problem, themselves.
Irregardless of what has happened, this is your bf’s issue, because it is his family. You need to be loving but clear to him about your feelings regarding how his family is treating you. You should not have to ak him of this. He should be negotiating a place of comfort for you, within his family. This should be automatic. His family should respect his relationship with you and that what happened in the past..is over. That you and he are making a renewed, fresh go of it. These people are holding fast onto some bitterness and they have judged you. And that is unfair. It is only up to your bf to make this situation liveable. If he tries his best, then credit himfor that but don't expect overnight miracles with these people. All your bf can do is try and he has to do it alone. I tend to believe that our beloveds need to police their own relatives. Until he does this and they behave nicer and more cordial toward you, I would not spend a lot of time with them. Why put yourself through that emotional work out and stress. Back away and spend time with your bf..one on one. If there is an occasion that calls for you and his family to be together...smile, act gracious, be polite and emotionally, distance yourself-but do it, nicely.
And please remember, we all run into doors that won’t open throughout life, no matter how hard or graciously we knock. Acceptance is a hard but worthwhile character trait to cultivate for these times.
Perhaps in time, with your bf's support, they may welcome you. But there is nothing you can do, if they don't. Just be happy with your own blessings in life, your own family and the love they offer. But it's plain to see your bf needs to be a stronger man and take a stand, even to his own family, when they treat you badly. If he doesn't do this, your relationship will wane and the respect will be compromised. I wish you the best..not a good place to be in. Take care, hun.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (8 November 2007):
 In my opinion even though he is a people pleaser at the end of the day he is a grown man. He makes his own decisions. Noone can make him do anything. If he loves you and is as committed to your relationship as you are then he should put his foot down and tell them; this is my girlfriend you do not have to like her but you will respect her. As far as Thanksgiving goes he should be able to spend time with you and his family. he should have made it clear when he was invited that you are coming with him. Or he should have asked you about what you were planning for the holidays. This guy needs to either get a backbone or his family will be running the rest of your lives together. If he cant be a man you need to find someone that will.
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female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I know this is a very offhand way to look at it, but I would say (blank) them all! But if you want to be with him, then ignore his family. My family doesn't like my husband, but they can't give me a reason why!!!(good luck finding one anyway)If he's not gonna stand up to his family about you that would kinda clue me that he's not all that serious, or he cares about his family more than you, and that's not right. If he truly cares foryou he will stand up for you. If he won't the nyou are probalby better off without him,(and his family)!!
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