A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half and we're both madly in love.I just have a serious problem with jealousy!Hes a very good looking man and we were friends before we got together. I saw what he was like before when he was single, and he didn't go out without hooking up with a girl!He still gets a lot of attention from girls and I hate it! I do trust him but I hate the idea that he might still flirt with other girls when he goes out and I'm not there...(as he is very friendly and girls may get the wrong idea)I've spoken to my sister about it (shes in her 20's) and she told me she used to be really jealous too, but she became less and less as she got older...I'm hoping that this is just something I'll grow out of, but I really don't want to lose him!His opinion of it is that it shows that I care about him and would rather me be jealous then not bothered at all....Any comments would be appreciated!Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): I think his past behaviour is really bothering you because it's only technically his "past" due to circumstances. He's with you now so he's not sleeping around. But if he was single then he'd be doing just as much hooking up as ever, wouldn't he? And I'll bet you would not be doing a similar amount if you were also single. See? Different sexual morals. Very different. You can stay with him because you'd rather have him than have a partner who has morals more in line with yours, or you can rate your morals higher and leave him because he's not really a great match for you. But since he's so attractive/desirable, you'll probably excuse a hell of a lot of vague "morality differences" from him as long as he doesn't give you any concrete reason that displeases you about the issue in the present. A less-attractive partner doesn't get cut that kind of slack. (Yes this is a pretty harsh thing for me to say. But we all know it's 100% true, don't we?)
A
female
reader, ~MissSincerity~ +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Omg this is just how I used to be, I can totally sympathise with you hun. Trust me with time it goes, although I still get occasional attacks of paranoia I find that I'm getting them less and less. Hopefully you'll just grow out of it, remember... he has chosen to be with you and no one else and the fact that he has been with you for a year and a half shows he is dedicated to you. Whenever you feel worried either do something to take your mind off it or just think about all the nice things he's done for you to prove to you its you and you only he's mad for. Message me if u need to talk about it, I know just how u feel :p
Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): If he wanted to be with another woman, he wouldn't be with you. Try to control your jealousy, it's not worth a fight. Yes, he's probably going to flirt and get flirted with, but you must trust him, as he trusts you.
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A
male
reader, Jammy6026 +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I think it's just something that every couple goes through. I'm currently with my girlfriend and everytime she goes out, i worry all night about her meeting a lad better than me even though i know she wouldn't do anything like that.Just get him to re-assure you or promise you that he won't go off with another girl.Hope the advice works well for you
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A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I think that mostly jealousy has more to do with the jealous person than with the mate (there are exceptions). So let me ask you a question: how's your self-confidence? Do you feel "worthy" of him? Do you feel like he would choose someone else if given a chance?Remember that he chooses to be with YOU. That's got to be because of what a wonderful person he thinks you are. You're both "madly in love" -- what sane guy would want to mess with that. He chooses you because you're the perfect woman for him. Feel comfortable in that.As for those "other women" he *might* flirt with, so what? You don't have to trust them. You only have to trust HIM. It takes two to cheat, and it doesn't sound like he's the type. So if he's friendly and they misconstrue what he meant and make a pass at him, but you know he'll shoot them down. No worries.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): Realize that all these women who you are jealous of are probably 10x more jealous of you because you get to take this man home every night. You cannot control his thoughts or his behavior, and if he IS going to cheat, then he will, and there is nothing you can do about it. Worrying and being jealous won't prevent anything but the stress will make you unhealthy and take years off your life, it's not worth it.I think sweet-things assessment is very accurate. I have a tendency to be INTENSELY jealous of women that my boyfriend spoke to, and I still get pangs about it but I am gradually trying to shake my head clear. Try turning off the jealousy for a while. Whenever you feel it coming on, just say to yourself, "I am beautiful, and he loves me. He doesn't want any other girl." And calm down. Try it for a few days and see if you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It might surprise you that without the stress of jealousy your relationship will get even better.Of course a little bit of jealousy is healthy but if its stressing you out its becoming too much and you need to get it in check. Good luck hunxx
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Generally women stop being jealous over their men for two reasons: 1. They figure out what he's made of and realize that he's not the type who will actually cheat on them...(yes, they do exist)....or 2. They become bored with their men and no longer really care what or who they're flirting with. Hopefully you will fall into category #1. But even with this category, there will always be a few situations that make you uncomfortable -- it could be the new girl at the office that he has to personally mentor every day. It could be a sexy waitress at your favorite hang out that always flirts with him. Whatever the situation, if you're in love with him, you will never want to share him with another woman. Unfortuantely men actually think there are women who exist in life that are never jealous about other women. And truthfully, these women don't actually exist unless they fall into category #2. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Jealousy in my opinion is a sign of insecurity. But everyone has these feelings. However it is not healthy for your relationship to be extremely jealous. I used to be a little jealous but I have learned not to worry about things that I can not control. Those other girls who flirt let them b/c after all there hard work at getting his attention he will end up with you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): think of it this way... (this is a Quote my dad Said to my brother)
you can get your appitite somewhere else just eat at home
-- in other words flirting is just flirting let it be - if you both are truly in love with one another he wont think 2wice about those other girls
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 November 2007):
 It is kinda true it does show that you care about him a great deal, but jealousy can tear a relationship apart. It's natural to be a little jealous, but make sure you keep in check. Also, keep in mind: HE CHOSE YOU. He wants to be with you, not the other girls. Be flattered that so many other girls want, but can't have YOUR man. "Jealous people are your biggest fans", so dont be their fans. Let them be yours.
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