A
female
age
36-40,
*oe_y
writes:Hi everyone,Better go though me situation a bit. I'm in a 2.5 year long distance relationship. Been through good time and hard time. We meet every 4-5 months and make it a trip to somewhere away from home. We last met three months ago and going to get married in half of a year. And yet without seeing each other till then. I know i love him and i know myself wanna be with him only. But the frustration of no sex in months sometimes drives me crazy. On the other hand, my mates support me to go out and have fun before actually settling down in marriage, plus they say i'm young and i have very little sexual fun experience with guys (my soon-to-be groom is my second man). There's one male friend who used to ask me out, fancied me a bit, knowing i'm getting married but asking me to go out with him for the fun i want to have. He's a quiet, caring guy who doesn't put pressure on me for serious things or whatever. To be honest, i quite want him sexually but not emotionally. Should i go for it having fun before i step into a marriage life? In case of troubles i might get into later, coz he's on the guest list on my wed day. So should i go for one night stand with stranger which i don't feel much comfortable.Thanks for reading. I appreciate your advices.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): to be honest and if you're being honest with yourself, you're just coming out with a load of bull to justify cheating on your fiancee, the man you claim to love.
You have a high sex drive, it's just sex, you haven't cheated so you deserve some sort of prize? So what? if you're seeking justification now do you think it will change when you're married? Or will you just come up with more excuses for cheating?
sick and tired of people claiming to love people and seeking justification for their own selfish needs? A relationship is a relationship, it means a partnership with someone, and that means trust, honouring each other and respecting each other.
Go and bang your friend, you don't need a reason, because it's not just sex. Ask your fiancée how he feels and you'll see it's not, but you won't because you're already not being fully honest with him right now...and that's love? Please!
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I'm in a long distance relationship as well. I haven't seen my boyfriend in 6 months. Do I crave sex every day? Yes. Would I ever sleep with a random person because I felt that I needed to experience life, and because my boyfriend was my first and only? No. Why not? Because I love him and I respect him and our relationship too much to ever do such a thing - it would tarnish our entire future.
I don't think you're ready to get married if you're having these thoughts running through your head. You should only say your vows if your 100% committed to being faithful and making it work, and also understanding that this is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life. This is why marriage has become so meaningless in today's day and age. People just get married on a whim without even really thinking about it.
If you're not happy with the idea of your fiance being your only sexual partner from now until your marriage ends (by death or divorce), don't get married! Plain and simple. Marriage isn't for everyone!
If you're wanting to sleep around before you get married, at least tell your fiance that you have these feelings, and let him know that he is free to sleep around as well. It's only fair. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): If I'm reading correctly, you're saying that you should confront yourself with temptation now so you'll know if you can resist temptation after you're married?
No, I don't think that's a very good idea. Do you get better at resisting the more you do it, or do you get tired of resisting and become less able. And -- not all temptations are created equally. Some are more powerful than others.
There's no point dressing this up with justification. If you want to try out someone else before you're married, and you recognize the consequences of doing so, well, you're an adult.
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A
female
reader, zoe_y +, writes (10 April 2012):
zoe_y is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advices & comments.
One thing i know for sure that it's just about sex. I consider myself having high sex drive. And yet masturbation does help but couldn't completely relieve the frustration. The need of sex plus loads of stress from work leads to the urge of having it. Also when the big day's coming closer, i'm bit nervous and panicking with lots of stuff without my fiance here. Though we video talk everyday and he supports me alot on how to organise our wed day.
It's been over 2 years, i've been completely faithful and done nothing wrong. I value the marriage as a serious commitment between 2 people (i.e you're only mine and i'm yours only). Though i don't have the word "forever" in my dictionary. We'll live happily till things change and might stop by then. As i don't have big faith in "love" & "marriage", some of friends said i'm not ready. But i assume i will never be ready when i don't have much faith. As long as i know my responsibilities and keep the promise towards marriage then it's fine.
I myself think if i stand front of my male friend and can still keep going then if i don't do it now, sooner or later there'll be a chance i fall into another man's arm. If i could stop it at that moment, then pretty much means i could touch noone but my fiance only and i'll be fine later in life.
People said try to stay away from temptations around you which is what i've done the past years. But risk myself to challenge the ability of refusing temptation is quite stupid thought, isn't it?
I'd like to hear your opinions. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): I think this is the most important reply that Daniel posted here:
"Sure. Just tell your husband-to-be that, since he has the same needs, he can also sleep with someone on your wedding list. Let him know that, since you intend to abuse a quiet, caring guy, he has to abuse a quiet, caring woman. As an alternative, he can pick up someone in a bar. And, since we're doing it anyways, why doesn't he sleep with a prostitute?"
Have patience, good things come to those who wait. Stay faithful to your partner then you will have a fulfilling married life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): If sex is all that you miss then why get married to him. Your not ready and not in love. If you were you would wait like your boyfriend has without questioning your sexual experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): The other replies are, of course, right. But I'm still going to say something different.
Forever is a long time. I'm coming up on 30 years in my marriage, and there's certainly no question that I'd break my vows today, no matter how dreadfully boring and unsatisfying my sex life is. That makes my memories of having had other relationships before I committed so much more important. Particularly the memory of having had outstandingly, amazingly good sex for at least a brief period in my life.
I do think it's valuable to "get it out of your system" if you intend to take the commitment of marriage seriously. Whether your conscience can stand to do that in the context of being affianced or not is your call. But do sow those wild oats.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 I agree with the Anonymous female. The poster should not marry this man.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 how in the world can you speak of marrying a man which is done for love in one breath and talk about having sex with someone else in another?
if it's just about sex... masturbate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): Honestly, if you are looking for someone else for sex when you are planning on getting married to someone else, no matter the distance, you are probably not ready to get married yet. A committed monogomous relationship does not just happen when you are married. Not a good way to walk into a marriage.You have never spent any real time with this Fiance of yours, not the day to day living thing...you have only had "vacations" with him. If you want to have your "fling/s" and he is also entitled to the same thing...the two of you need to get it out of your system first and if you really want to be together, then one of you make that move, settle in, see how a real together relationship goes and THEN you will know if you want to really be married or not. Right now, it sounds like a false committement because you are doing all of this apart. If you *really* want to be with someone and only that person, the thought of going out and seeing what you think you are missing, or wanting to have sex with someone else who not even enter your mind, would not even be a question, or a doubt...you just know you have no interest in that anymore.You are just not there yet. And there is NOTHING wrong with that! You are still young, you have plenty of time for settling down and getting married...just do it when you are 100% sure, not like this.Go have your fun, go see what's out there...and if this guy really is the one after all that, it will all work itself out and you will find each other.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (9 April 2012):
Sure. Just tell your husband-to-be that, since he has the same needs, he can also sleep with someone on your wedding list. Let him know that, since you intend to abuse a quiet, caring guy, he has to abuse a quiet, caring woman. As an alternative, he can pick up someone in a bar. And, since we're doing it anyways, why doesn't he sleep with a prostitute?
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