A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve had feelings for my friend’s ex-boyfriend for a while. A couple days back me and him and some friends were celebrating the end of classes with some alcohol, and we all got pretty buzzed, but I ended up not feeling well, so I spent the night at his room. We were basically sober by the time we went to bed. We slept next to each other (no sex), but I ended up telling him that I liked him. He told me he liked me too, and we spent the night cuddling and talking. Initially, I made it sound like I wasn’t going to pursue a relationship with him because he was my friend’s ex, and he said that was cruel of me to tell him I like him and then say that. I couldn’t stop bringing it up, although I really did want him. Towards the end of our conversation, he asked me out. I said yes. The morning after, he said he said it might be better if we didn’t. Rather, he suggested that we start going out after exams are done or maybe during the new school year. He said he was sincere in that he liked me, but he was afraid of messing up our social circle if we were to go out. I will be living with his ex-girlfriend next year along with some other friends, who are also friends with him. He also said that he was afraid that if we were to go out, he was afraid that it might end up like his last relationship with my friend because everything felt like a ‘déjà vu.’ He said he didn’t want anyone to get hurt in this. To be honest, I’m kind of hurt that he suggested the possibility of starting a relationship next year. It makes me doubt his sincerity, yet when I think about it, the school year ends in less than two weeks. We also live in different provinces a plane ride away. I’m not sure if he’s serious or not; I have some trust issues. He sounded so sincere that night, and said that he thought of asking me out before and that he thought I was cute, and commented that if he didn’t like me, he wouldn’t have always held me. After leaving his room, I texted him that I wanted us to be honest with each other, and that it was okay if he didn’t like me back. He texted me back saying that it wasn’t about whether he liked me back, and that he really did like me back, but rather he was just afraid of screwing up our social circle after his breakup with my friend/ future housemate. I’m not sure whether to believe in him or not; it makes me want to cry whenever I think about it. I really do like him, but I am conflicted in what I should do with the situation considering that I’ll be living with his ex next year. We concluded that we were going to discuss it after our exams are done. It’s really painful to eat dinner with him again with our friends, pretending like nothing ever happened. Now he randomly texts me things asking me how I’m doing, or I’ll ask him about his studying, but I feel like our texting is just trying to cover up what really want to talk about. I don’t know what I should do about the situation; I want to study, obviously, but I can’t when all I can think about is this situation. Is it worthwhile to pursue this relationship, to wait until next year? Does him saying he wants to start one after the end of this school year make him not serious? I don’t want to wait that long, but I don’t know how to put it in words because technically we won’t be able to see each other anyways for the summer. Please someone help me; I don’t know where this is moving or what I should be doing but wait. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): Actually you brought up the relationship talk and he ended up thinking about it and telling you it wasn't going to work out. There is no relationship to pursue because he doesn't want one! I'm sorry, he has been honest about not wanting a relationship with you so not much more to be said about it?
He had a fun night, you asked where you stood, and he told you. I'd move on. Sorry.
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