A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I have an eleven month old son. Recently one of my friends had a baby girl and she is beautiful. She also has a son who is 12 months. Through her whole pregnancy we talked about her weird cravings and where the baby kicked the most. To get to the point: I want another child. Maybe not right now, but in about 4 years I would like to get pregnant again. I miss what it was like to be pregnant and since I had my son early I feel like I lost out on a "real" pregnancy. I also would love to have a girl, which I'm sure is what a lot of females hope for. I don't know if I want this next baby because I want to experience pregnancy again or if I want this baby because I really want another child. I know I have four years to contemplate this, but I'm a planner, and if I decide to have another child I need to save my money and plan my future around him/her. I also have an issue on how I will get pregnant. I don't want a man in my life (been there). I prefer my independence and making my own decisions as well as never having to rely on someone and then be let down(financially and emotionally). So I was going to go with a sperm bank. I know a lot of women are doing this now days so I don't see it as too big of an issue. I also know that I will be 23 when I get pregnant and a lot of people feel that is too young. I also want to mention that finances are not an issue. I live on my own and I pay for everything with money to spare. So, does anyone have advice for me? Is having another baby in 4/5 years a good idea? Am I having this baby for the right reasons? Is a sperm bank the best approach in conceiving a child without the hassle of a romantic relationship? Any advice would be helpful!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Having a child because you miss the sensation of being pregnant or because you want to try having a beautiful baby girl just like your friend's are about the worst possible reasons I could think of.
Luckily, it's 4 years down the road, hopefully by then you'll have changed your mind, or come up with less superficial motivations.
As for saving money,if you can do it you can start anyway, pregnancy or not- once you are a parent,it never hurts to have some money set aside.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Well, I dont think your age is an issue in this, or your finances. As long as you make a well-informed decision, you have just as much right to do as you please as everyone else. Not having a man in your life presents an extra challenge (needing to go to a sperm bank and the procedures cost money + not sure if they even allow un-married women to do that etc etc, complications). As long as you get on top of this, why not.
Your reasons for having another child are just as good as any reason, at your age. Its the teenagers Im not too keen on advocating pregnancy to. Mature, independent adults I see no issue with getting pregnant.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 It's nice to enjoy your freedom and be a feminist. I wouldn't give up on man just yet. Give yourself one more option. Don't limit yourself to be a single mom for life. Life doesn't follow a script. You might change your mind later.
If you decide to go to the sperm bank, you will receive counselling. You are looking forward to a real pregnancy, so what does artificial insemination sound to you? Not to discourage you. I had a far distance cousin conceived that way after two tries. She is healthy, beautiful and smart. Her dad had a low sperm count that's why they did it that way. Sorry not to sound new agey, but the idea of a baby conceived in love sounds more romantic than a test tube baby. It seems to me you are making a life time decision based on one failure in your past. Not all men are like this. What happens when 5 years later you see families having fun at a reastaurant, taking pictures with daddy proudly holding the child up? You want to appear strong, that strength is rigid to me. Real strength to me, is to be able to be vulnerable in order to love, is to be able to take risks of being hurt in a love relationship. The more you say to yourself you don't need a man, the more you reinforce the secret wish to have a man to love and depend on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): it's probably a good idea to wait the four or five years and decide then whether you still want one. in fact, if you plan it now, and feel irky about it at the time, you're probably not going to go through with it, are you? you shouldn't plan ahead so much, concentrate more on what's going on now and how you're going to support your 11month old.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 You sounded a very responsible and matured person. I don't see any reason why not having another child again. But yes, you already said you will wait another 4 years. So there is also no reason to think too much about it. This 4 years will give you more time to think weather you will do it or not again. But once again, you have a very good reason to do it and i think it will be ok and you will have success and good bless by this. I wish you good luck...
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