A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for about 16 months (we're both 17) then we split up recently. We've always argued a lot and have split up on countless occasions, only to get back together the next day or sooner.A few weeks ago I got sick of it and finished him, he was totally broken up about it, and i felt so awful and cos I still wanted to be with him, we said we'd try again, and make the same effort not to argue...He went away for a couple of weeks, came back, and finished me. He said he'd had a lot of time to think about it, and decided we'd be better as friends. I said I didn't want to be friends, but he kept in contact for about a week, so yesterday I made it clear to him that I didn't, and today we talked a little about it (basically I just made sure he knew I wanted to either be his girlfriend, or nothing... he opted for nothing..)I never really realised until now just how much I rely on him... my life was basically school, work and him and now it's so empty and will seem even more so when I get back to school. We spoke every night and saw each other every weekend. I don't make time for friends at school, because I'm very focussed on my work, and I've always preferred to have a boyfriend so I don't know what to do. Should I hang around and hope he'll change his mind or start dating again? We have so much history, that I'd much rather be with him.. but he seems so dead set on it this time. I know it may well be for the best, but I just feel so empty without him..Thanks x
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male
reader, Charlie84  +, writes (20 August 2007):
Do you really think that fighting all the time is healthy? I know you say you love him deeply but just think about it for a second. How many arguments are worth the good times? Ever consider there is someone out there you will not argue with like this? Everyone argues because we're all human and have a opinion. But you have to decide for yourself what you'd be willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
I assume you're going to be a senior in high school and from what you described you're a very good student. Are you planning to go away for college? You should take this last year as time for yourself and learn to deal with things on your own and that will help you greatly in college. Don't be stuck on him anymore because I'm sure you feel you have the rest of your life planned out, but trust me you don't. It sucks I know, but how simple it is just makes it that much more beautiful to be alive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks very much for your help, varied but useful responses, thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): you should be prepared to move on. if you get back together, you get back together but do not sit around convincing yourself it will happen and telling yourself its temporary. it will be agony the first time you see him with another girl if you have convinced your brain he still wants you.
men are simple creatures really. there isnt much depth to them. if he says he just wants to be friends, he probably means it. but dont throw yourself into a new relationship. not only will it confuse you because you are not ready, it would not be fair on the new rebound guy, and it would make your ex thing you dont want him so IF he did want to get back with you that would be the final nail in the coffin and he wouldnt tell you.
treat it like you are recovering from an operation. give yourself time to heal. but be thinking along the lines of "right now i am single and i will get over this..and then i will begin dating again." dont rush into things. and if he does want to come back to you, he will tell you. if he doesnt you will be emotionally prepared for it. but dont sit around waiting to find out if he's playing games either. good luck x
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A
male
reader, vpdragon0 +, writes (20 August 2007):
 If you love him and cared .. and cant stop thinkin bout him. you should never give up true love. Think about how much he cared deeply inside.. talk about how you guys feel about each other. I know that my girlfriend and I just hang out and talk about each others feeling and how much we both cared bout each other. I know that if you love someone you should pressure on someone well being. You should just realised True love cant be just Disappear instantly or even at all. Well all Im just saying that tell him how much you cared about him. And show that you are meant to be.
Think about it! True love
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (20 August 2007):
I think your boyfriend is right here. I am sure he's feeling your pain too, but he knows it isn't right. It is possible that you could get back together and make the effort not to argue, but it is up to him now. Just as it is up to you not to be friends with him, as I am guessing that it will torture you.
He's probably stepping back and realizing that if you argue so much, while you love each other, you're not right for each other. Could you imagine getting married and having daily spats for the rest of your lives?
You want him back now because you're used to him and as you said, you relied on him being around. Even if it was argumentative, there is great comfort in knowing what to expect. We are creatures of habit, and now the routine has changed and it is a shock to your system.
Go out and date if you have the opportunity to date someone you're interested in and it might fill that void. Just keep your mind busy.
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